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Broke down but burned the bridge! (trigger)
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rugger1369 posted:
Hey Ya'll,

Hope everyone is getting ready for super summer! I haven't been around much but I need to get this out...I don't have an appt with my therapist for two weeks (just had a session last week) and if I dont write it out, I'll try not to bring it up...I can be such a brat!

TRIGGER****

I finally got closure with K. It has been year over due and I finally burned the bridge and am not looking back. I found out and confirmed through a couple of women that K was cheating on me before and after we moved in together 2yrs ago (we have been broken up for a year, moved out last June- it's been a roller coaster). He was abusive in more way than one. And it wasn;t one woman...it was prob dozens (I only know of 6 but the other girls had larger numbers...)But he was actually a big supporter of me seeking help...I thought I knew what love was. But he was manipulating and playing games the entire time. Even when I first found out, he still hid things. I wish I had gotten a hold of the woman who provided clarity sooner. Turns out, we were all pawns in his mindf***k of a game.

I got him on the phone yesterday and said my piece. He finally admitted to all of his wrong doings. But it took me to drag them out. I told him he was the worst thing that ever happened to me and to have a nice life. I didnt even wait for his response and hung up.

Kept myself busy with a planned girls night over a friends new apartment. Had a lil too much of a delicious pink concoction, and when I got home I finally broke down. I SHd and it felt good, i could focus all of the pain that was finally being let go...I know it is NOT a healthy way of dealing. And Im dissppointed in myself for breaking the 7months record...and then I cried myself to sleep.

He committed so much damage to me. I was that girl that promiscous men use so they have someone to bring home to their family and friends. He could toss me around like a ragdoll. The verbal abuse was crushing. And I think I needed to hang on this long cuz I wasn't willing to let him go. I thought he was working to be the man I fell in love with. Turns out, that man never existed. It was all a facade, a lie. He is a hollow, cruel example of a man. A child. He even tried to spin it like he was the victim (he used that technique often).

It is freeing to finally let go. To have been lucky enough to meet woman who saw him for who he was and were willing to provide me with answers...no matter how hard it was to hear them. He was a big trigger for me, and I finally am admitting it to myself. This is going to be a tough journey to find myself again, but I am on my way!

Thanks for taking the time to read this. Ya'll have been a blessing! (HUGS)
with love and fulljoy
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slik_kitty responded:
i'm sorry it was so hard, but am happy you found closure. you will find yourself again. we don't need a man to define who we are. as for the slip up, you can stop doing it again. you made it 7 months this last time. you can make it even longer this time. hugs
 
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rugger1369 replied to slik_kitty's response:
thanks sk! you are so right in so many way. "we create our own destiny" sort of thing. and I will need to keep that mantra in the front of mind...i've done it before, i can certainly do it again, if not better! hugs!
with love and fulljoy


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