Self Harm Community

I'm Kim (formerly known as hatebreed454 on here but couldnt relog in with that ID after they changed things on here). I mostly lurk these days rather than posting but used to post a lot. I recognize some of the people on here but there is a large new crowd. I turned 31 in July and have been struggling with s/h since I was 12 (earlier if hair pulling was counted). I have not hurt myself for a year or two (I stopped keeping track because it is a trigger for me) but I still get urges a lot. I have 2 cats and a dog that helped me refrain from it in a way I never knew possible. I am enrolled full time in college now and have stopped therapy due to repeated breaches of confidentiality by the staff at the day treatment center I was attending. Honestly, leaving that place was one of the healthiest choices I have made in a long time. I may restart therapy when I move from NY back to FL but while I live up here- I will not return. Small town where I am an outsider (not born and raised here and have lived amongst the contaminated outside world) and people talk too much about other people here. I prefer my life to be more private than the ways of this area allow! Anyway, I am rambling. Hope everyone is well. Take care and talk to you later. Kim

hey paja!!!! nice to see you posting again. i've been lurking mostly. don't have a whole lot to say. trying to control the urges which seem to be getting stronger by the day. can't tell my pdoc that or he will drop me as his client. so i'm stuck fighting it on my own.

i'm kitty. some call me slik. diagnosed with bipolar, did, ptsd, ocd tendencies, there's more but i can't think of them at the moment. been on the boards for 5 years now. oh yeah, and siv. haven't done it in a couple of years, but the urges never go away.

Nice to see you!

I'm washedaway...otherwise known as Kendra. dx'd with ptsd, major depression, disthymia, various other things that i'm not sure are accurate at the moment as well as some other medical issues that i'm in the process of getting under control. over 6 months now without cutting and have gone upwards of 2 years in the recent past. somehow can't think tonight *shrug*

I'm Zelda. I've got a real name, but there's already a Jess on here, and I didn't wanna steal her thunder.

**************************THIS MAY BE TRIGGERISH TO SOME PEOPLE****************************

I've been SHing for most of my life. I can't remember when I started, but it started with trichotillomania, then it progressed to cutting when I was 11 or 12. I pull on a near-daily basis. I wish I could stop because I think I started forming a bald spot. I don't cut very much, but when I do, it's very deep and usually needs stitches, which I refuse to get. This is only when I am very seriously triggered. Otherwise I try to find other outlets of my pain.

I bite occasionally, which I haven't done in a while and was thoroughly embarrassed last time I did, as I was working as a waitress at poker games and someone commented on the mark on the back of my hand. A good platonic friend of my covered for me and said that he was just too much man for me to handle. Everyone laughed and I went to the bathroom and cried.

I've been diagnosed as bipolar, severely depressed, and obsessive compulsive and with anxiety. I've been accused of being self-centered, self-satisfying, cold, and narcissistic, to name a few.

I've met the most amazing, sweetest, sexiest man ever, Skitz. When I met him I was at a really low point in my life. I was going to commit suicide. My doctor, who I don't go to anymore, was putting me on all sorts of different medications trying to find one that actually worked that I wasn't allergic to. In that time, I was talking with Skitz. In those few weeks, there are little spots that I can remember, everything else is just blank. I managed to tell him what was going on and he stuck by me. In a moment of clarity, I told myself to stop taking the medication, it was only making me worse. Him sticking by me helped me come to this decision. I know it sounds crazy, but, he's the man of my dreams. I've dreamed about him since I was a little girl. This month, I'm moving to Australia to be with him.

My family is a monster in a completely different category, which I don't really want to get into right now. Let's just say the only family I care to recognize are my cats.

Sorry for writing a novel, I've just never really told my story to anyone. Thanks for listening

Great topic idea, Paja!

Hi Paja! Thanks for starting this.

I'm B (formally known as TA). Been on this website for years now (not sure how many years but it's been many.) Been hurting myself my entire life, been cutting since I was 12'ish. I'm 28 now.

Like Skitz I met my husband at my lowest point. 3 suicide attempts and he stuck by me and still is my best friend.

Just started trying to get help again, but I am highly reluctant. I've been in this position many times and it just never seems to work out for me.

I love to surf. It is the only thing that without fail always helps me to feel better. But I live on the Gulf of Mexico (I live on an island) so the surf is often limited.

Guess that's about it for now. Welcome to all the new people here!

Hi everyone for those who dont know im wendy i have been dx'd bipolar,bordeline personality disorder,ptsd,dd and other stuff i cant remember i have been sh'ing since i was 11 my first suicide attempt was that year i turned 32 in june i have been in and out of hospitals since i was 13 and still occasionally need to go back to get my head put back on staright my sh'ing has seemed to get worse has the years go by i have a wonderful pdoc and therapist and case manager but i had to go thru some bad ones to get to them lately been having really bad headaches and i just had a procedure done yesterday that im hoping will work so everyone keep your fingers crossed anyway i'll stop rambling

PS hi paja nice to see you *hugz*

hugz and loves to all

wendy

Hey. I haven't been around much lately, but I'm here today. Everyone here calls me Ese.

I'm 31, married, no long string of diagnoses to share. I've been living the last 15 months in Holland, and this week I'm moving back "home" to the US. I'm trying to find a new job, and a new home, so lots of changes going on...actually, the last year has been full of good change. I'm not sure I belong on this board anymore. I'm significantly freer now than even two months ago. I keep thinking I need to fly away from this board, but I love the people here, and I hesistate to change too much in my life all at once. Ah, too much change...

Raff....the movers came this morning and now I'm cleaning the house...I should get back to my mop before I start crying....

meh allo

Im Jen, formerly jen_tiggerpooh but when they made their changes here I could no longer access that and could not be bothered to go through the hassles hence becoming penguie. I should be studying right now but once again I am a great procrastinator uploading CDs and playing online haha. Have struggled with eating disorders, self hamr, depression and anxiety for years. Pushing 30 and finally 2 exams away from a degree, only has taken 10 years haha. Tend to lurk more lately and post rarely. Might be what you would call the silent type.

My name is Sarah (not my real name, I had to change it on here for security reasons from my ex) I'm 39 and will be 40 the twenty first of next month. I've been diagnosed as being bipolar, having borderline personality disorder, PTSD, DID, OCD, SAD, major paranoia, major depression, major anxiety, and something with psychotic features, I can't really remember how my doctor worded it. I have been self harming since I was three, and burning since I was nine. I first tried to kill myself when I was just six. (I tried to drown myself) I tried to kill myself when I was eighteen, and the last time I tried to kill myself was somewhere around seven months ago. Well I guess that's it for now.

Sarah

Thanks for doing this Paja

Hi I'm Kate,

I've been one of those lurking, I am very unsure about myself these days. Been struggling so I haven't been looking at the boards. Just once in a while. Trying to keep myself safe. Which hasn't been working out so well.

I am 47 years old, married, two kids. I live on the East Coast near the shore. I was diagnosed with ED(anorexic) in my 20's, SH started in my late teens. They both have returned. I have struggle with depression most of my life, recently dealing with anxiety, which is new to me. I've been back to therapy a year now. The Therapist I had years ago was able to see me, Thank God, I tried going to someone new but it didn't work out. I get no support from my husband. My family knows nothing about my ED,SH. My husband doesn't want me going to therapy. I recently told my kids I am in therapy. They both took it better than I thought they would and thinks it OK to be in therapy. My kids are the one thing that keeps me going. Without them god knows where I would be right now.

I'm here too.

I'm 48, have two grown sons, a daughter-in-law and granddaughter, and live in British Columbia. You can read more about me by clicking on my name.

As for this community.... I was sexually abused as a child and began self injuring, was suicidal and acting out in many ways when I was about 12 and for years after. I stopped the blatant self injuring by the time I was an adult but I have since found that there are many more subtle ways to be self destructive and have had to work on that. In my early 20s I saw a tv talk show that talked about self injury and it was the first time I realized I wasn't a freak, that others did this too and there were usually reasons for it, reasons I understood. In my early 30s I finally worked with a therapist to deal with all the issues surrounding the past sexual abuse and feel I've got to a place of healing and peace.

I have facilitated support groups in my community for adults (both men and women) who have sexual abuse in their past. And am glad to be here at WebMD to help to provide a safe place for those who are hurting and reaching out.

Hello I'm known as LP. I've been on these boards for a couple years now. I've been struggling lately with everything. I've been dx'd with depression,ptsd,bipolar, anxiety and have had them for about 3 yrs now. I started to sh when I was in my early 20's now in my 30's. The sh got worst when my brother past away 3 yrs ago. I used to just punch the wall but now I do that along with cutting and burning. I've also been sexually abused at age 7 and raped at age 13 so you'll find me on that board also. I'm so glad these boards are around for us to use. I think I'd be lost without them.

Hey there, guys.

I'm Anna, but I like Amethyst better. I'm just 16, but I have been a SH'er since I was 11. I haven't cut since April, though I do pick my skin, Which sucks right now because I am SEVERELY sunburned I was officially diagnosed with severe generalized anxiety and moderate OCD when I was 13. I have randomly weird triggers like a light bulb burning out or any type of computer if I turn it off at night. This includes the TV and Microwave. I have no clue why. I also have a problem with eye contact. I have also diagnosed myself with Dermatillomania.

I love music and I am in my high school band, where I play the trombone. I also can play piano and my favorite cousin taught me to play drums. I also can play the tuba, but I'm embarassed about it. I am very nervous of playing in front of people, but I always manage to make a high chair in honor band. I love to write, too, Paja, and I have hand-written and entire novel. Writing makes me feel like I really have a purpose, a reason to live.

Right now I am managing the cutting very well, but I always know I will pick my skin. I accept this because if I pick, I feel less tempted to cut later, so it's like softening the blow. I actually feel like I can handle people's troubles without feeling mine now. I can separate my feelings more easily without becoming detached, so even though I am young I will be happy to give any advice to anyone. My email address is annabeast10892@gmail.com

That's me in a nutshell. If you want to know more, ask! I'm a pretty honest person, and I don't mind telling people anyhting about me that they want to know.