Sexless Marriage
CatW76 posted:
I don't know what to do. Married with kids. Husband and I have not had sex in months...like 6+ months now? And the last time we had sex, ugh, hot mess. Our sex life was never strong to start with. We're just sexually on different pages.He has a fetish, and can't seem to get any sexual gratification outside of that. At all.
We've always have been night and day when it comes to sexual relations, but I guess I was hopeful that over time we would find a middle ground. That never happened. Having kids was important to us and very much so planned (Think alone the lines of "if you want to have a baby, you realize we have to have sex). We rock as parents. We love our kids. As a married couple, I just feel at this point we're platonic business partners focusing on our job to raise our kids. As a family unit, we're good. As a woman/wife I'm not happy. It feels like I'm living with my brother or something. There's just nothing sexual between us. I don't know what to do. I feel like busting our family up over this isn't right, I mean, how do I explain to the kids and family members "I left dad due to lack of sex". So now what? I don't know if there really is an answer, but I just had to get this off my chest. Thanks for reading.
We've always have been night and day when it comes to sexual relations, but I guess I was hopeful that over time we would find a middle ground. That never happened. Having kids was important to us and very much so planned (Think alone the lines of "if you want to have a baby, you realize we have to have sex). We rock as parents. We love our kids. As a married couple, I just feel at this point we're platonic business partners focusing on our job to raise our kids. As a family unit, we're good. As a woman/wife I'm not happy. It feels like I'm living with my brother or something. There's just nothing sexual between us. I don't know what to do. I feel like busting our family up over this isn't right, I mean, how do I explain to the kids and family members "I left dad due to lack of sex". So now what? I don't know if there really is an answer, but I just had to get this off my chest. Thanks for reading.
79 Replies |Watch This Discussion | Report This| Share this:Sexless MarriageI don't know what to do. Married with kids. Husband and I have not had sex in months...like 6+ months now? And the last time we had sex, ugh, hot mess. Our sex life was never strong to start with. We're just sexually on different pages.He has a fetish, and can't seem to get any sexual gratification outside of that. At all. <br />We've always have been night and day when it comes to sexual relations, but I guess I was hopeful that over time we would find a middle ground. That never happened. Having kids was important to us and very much so planned (Think alone the lines of "if you want to have a baby, you realize we have to have sex). We rock as parents. We love our kids. As a married couple, I just feel at this point we're platonic business partners focusing on our job to raise our kids. As a family unit, we're good. As a woman/wife I'm not happy. It feels like I'm living with my brother or something. There's just nothing sexual between us. I don't know what to do. I feel like busting our family up over this isn't right, I mean, how do I explain to the kids and family members "I left dad due to lack of sex". So now what? I don't know if there really is an answer, but I just had to get this off my chest. Thanks for reading.
It seems that this discussion thread has helped you. Just my opinion. Maybe that is all that it takes, discuss ideas with others, but then, you make your own decision. There is no 100% right decision in most situations. Certainly this is true in here, you have innocents involved.
Quit the job. My supervisor's style is somewhat combative. That is not my style. Good thing about that situation as far as my supervisor goes is that my lack of assertiveness keeps me from talking back. (I am working on this in therapy) Thanks to the therapy, I can tell him that I am going to leave. He said OK,my decision etc. That DOES feel good. I have a somewhat highly educated job. Not lots of them out there, but they are widespread. I'll find something, somewhere. Where my wife is located, there are few any of these types of jobs. Now, that I don't fee as trapped by her, I can consider a wide area of the country. If my "friend" was actually a friend, I would consider moving to her city and see her a lot. I don't think that seems to be in the cards. I'll find a job.
BTW, my supervisor is starting to hint that he wants me back. Not sure if I am going to go that route.
Quit the job. My supervisor's style is somewhat combative. That is not my style. Good thing about that situation as far as my supervisor goes is that my lack of assertiveness keeps me from talking back. (I am working on this in therapy) Thanks to the therapy, I can tell him that I am going to leave. He said OK,my decision etc. That DOES feel good. I have a somewhat highly educated job. Not lots of them out there, but they are widespread. I'll find something, somewhere. Where my wife is located, there are few any of these types of jobs. Now, that I don't fee as trapped by her, I can consider a wide area of the country. If my "friend" was actually a friend, I would consider moving to her city and see her a lot. I don't think that seems to be in the cards. I'll find a job.
BTW, my supervisor is starting to hint that he wants me back. Not sure if I am going to go that route.
Report This| Share this:Sexless MarriageIt seems that this discussion thread has helped you. Just my opinion. Maybe that is all that it takes, discuss ideas with others, but then, you make your own decision. There is no 100% right decision in most situations. Certainly this is true in here, you have innocents involved.<br /><br />Quit the job. My supervisor's style is somewhat combative. That is not my style. Good thing about that situation as far as my supervisor goes is that my lack of assertiveness keeps me from talking back. (I am working on this in therapy) Thanks to the therapy, I can tell him that I am going to leave. He said OK,my decision etc. That DOES feel good. I have a somewhat highly educated job. Not lots of them out there, but they are widespread. I'll find something, somewhere. Where my wife is located, there are few any of these types of jobs. Now, that I don't fee as trapped by her, I can consider a wide area of the country. If my "friend" was actually a friend, I would consider moving to her city and see her a lot. I don't think that seems to be in the cards. I'll find a job.<br />BTW, my supervisor is starting to hint that he wants me back. Not sure if I am going to go that route.
Any luck with the job search JustName??
I went away this past weekend with one of my 2 kids. I hated leaving my other one behind, but it was nice to get a little space between me and my husband. Needless to say when we returned, no sparks. This weekend he and I will have some time alone...we'll see how that goes.
I went away this past weekend with one of my 2 kids. I hated leaving my other one behind, but it was nice to get a little space between me and my husband. Needless to say when we returned, no sparks. This weekend he and I will have some time alone...we'll see how that goes.
Report This| Share this:Sexless MarriageAny luck with the job search JustName??<br /><br />I went away this past weekend with one of my 2 kids. I hated leaving my other one behind, but it was nice to get a little space between me and my husband. Needless to say when we returned, no sparks. This weekend he and I will have some time alone...we'll see how that goes.
Good for you. For me a weekend "getaway" is when my wife and I are in the same town at the same time.
When you say "no sparks" do you mean no arguments? For me no arguments is as good as it gets.
As far as the job goes, my old boss still thinks I am working for him, but I have found a new position in the same organization that I am taking. So now, I might be able to stick with the status quo until my last 2 are out of high school. With something different to do in another job, I should be OK for the next 2 years.
Good luck this weekend. But don't necessarily expect too much.
When you say "no sparks" do you mean no arguments? For me no arguments is as good as it gets.
As far as the job goes, my old boss still thinks I am working for him, but I have found a new position in the same organization that I am taking. So now, I might be able to stick with the status quo until my last 2 are out of high school. With something different to do in another job, I should be OK for the next 2 years.
Good luck this weekend. But don't necessarily expect too much.
Report This| Share this:Sexless MarriageGood for you. For me a weekend "getaway" is when my wife and I are in the same town at the same time.<br /><br />When you say "no sparks" do you mean no arguments? For me no arguments is as good as it gets.<br /><br />As far as the job goes, my old boss still thinks I am working for him, but I have found a new position in the same organization that I am taking. So now, I might be able to stick with the status quo until my last 2 are out of high school. With something different to do in another job, I should be OK for the next 2 years.<br /><br />Good luck this weekend. But don't necessarily expect too much.
Hi Just -
Checking into see how things are by you. Still nothing going on for me.
Checking into see how things are by you. Still nothing going on for me.
Report This| Share this:Sexless MarriageHi Just - <br />Checking into see how things are by you. Still nothing going on for me. <img src="http://img.webmd.com/community/images/frown.gif" align="top" border="0">
Thanks for asking
Still much the same for me. I am actively looking for new employment. I hope that a change like that will help my mood. My mood has been really bad lately. I did decide that I could not contact my distant friend from now on. Contacting her just causes too much grief and I don't need any more of that.
For you, much the same. Too bad. Have you decided if you are going to tough it out for the next few years or separate?
Still much the same for me. I am actively looking for new employment. I hope that a change like that will help my mood. My mood has been really bad lately. I did decide that I could not contact my distant friend from now on. Contacting her just causes too much grief and I don't need any more of that.
For you, much the same. Too bad. Have you decided if you are going to tough it out for the next few years or separate?
Report This| Share this:Sexless MarriageThanks for asking<br /><br />Still much the same for me. I am actively looking for new employment. I hope that a change like that will help my mood. My mood has been really bad lately. I did decide that I could not contact my distant friend from now on. Contacting her just causes too much grief and I don't need any more of that.<br /><br />For you, much the same. Too bad. Have you decided if you are going to tough it out for the next few years or separate?
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