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Feeling lost
livings10 posted:
I am just wondering if there is anyone out there that is in the same situation as myself...It has been 4 months since my fiance and I have had any relations. We have only been together two years and for the last year it seems like he has completely lost interest in sex. He is affectionate at times but when it comes to sex he always has an excuse. I have talked to him about it several times and he just shrugs it off and says he doesn't know why he has no drive. I have recommended seeing a doctor but he refuses. I don't know what to do anymore. I am a very sexual person. I envy the women at work who complain about how their husbands wont leave them alone. It has made me feel terrible about myself and so insecure. On the rare occasion that we do have sex it is awkward, like he is just going through the motions to get me to shut up about it. I am longing to be desired...I really do understand why some women stray, I know its horrible and I have always thought of myself as a very loyal person however at this point I am feeling so lost, ugly, and desperate for a mans touch that if the opportunity presented itself I am scared that I would take it. My last boyfriend was the same way only I later found out he was cheating on me all the time. I don't believe that my fiance is cheating but I dont know what else to think anymore. Maybe its me, maybe I am really bad in bed...I don't know. I am at my end with this and I really fear it is going to end our relationship. I really hope someone out there can help me.
fcl responded:
It may be time for you to point out to him that if he won't consider your feelings and see a doctor for a thorough checkup that this could well be a deal breaker for you. Be clear about this.
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
Babbalabba responded:
Listen, I hear women complain about this all the time and I swear I don't understand why you guys don't get it. Men don't want to be in relationships. We get bored with the same woman over and over. But, we grow to care about you so we don't just dump you because we don't want to hurt you. Most guys will stay with a woman they are no longer interested in sexually simply because we care about them as a person. But we're done having sex with them really. Women push for relationships. Women push for commitment. Neither are things guys want. We give in because we don't want to listen to your mouth. It's always the same. "We've been together for 2 years and it just seems like the last 8 months he hasn't been interested in me sexually". Take the hint. If you want the relationship that badly learn to deal with his lack of interest. You are NOT going to get it both ways. A long term commitment from a man usually means the eventual lack of sexual interest. There's just so many times you can ride the same bike before you just put it in the garage and let it rust.
An_241873 replied to Babbalabba's response:
you are an idiot and I am sure MANY men disagree with you and are probably offended by your lack of human understanding. many people have been married for years and BOTH find each other physically and sexually attractive. sorry OP but something doesnt sound right, I'm with FCL on this you need to let him know it's a deal breaker if it is.
tlkittycat1968 replied to Babbalabba's response:
I agree with An_241873, Babbalabba, you're a royal PITA (Pain in the A**). DH and I have been together for over 10 years and married for 8 and he wants sex as much as he did in the beginning. Previously I was in a relationship with a guy who was 20 years older than me for four years and he wanted sex just as often toward the end of our relationship as he did at the beginning.

Just because you hold that mysogynistic view of women doesn't mean all men feel as you do. I'd even venture to say the majority of men do NOT feel as you do.
j5dc2 replied to Babbalabba's response:
Hey boy! grow up and stop thinking that you speak for every man. When I was a boy, decades ago, I used to think how could people stay together for years, but then I became a man and realized how especial an intimate relationship is.

I Have been maried for almost 16 years and I desire my wife as much as I did when we were dating and I make love to her almost every day. Have there been problems in our relationship, of course, bu we both worked on it and resolved them and our love for each other has only grow deeper.

livings10, you need to talk to your fiance in terms that are clear and with definite goals in mind because it may be that you both are not compatible for each other. Or perhaps there is a health problem with him and he can't aceept it, but once you convince him that asking for help can only improve your relationship he might be willing to work on this.

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