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New mom help!!!!!!!!!
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An_245935 posted:
So here is a little bit on what i am dealing with. I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl 2 months ago. Happy as ever that everything went fine with her. After i had her things took a slight turn downward. The man in my life seems to think that everything is normal but as i am noticing is video games and other people are taking all of his time. I come home from work only to work more in cleaning and all that good junk that the "woman" is supposed to do and i get ignored and replaced with other things.I'm not saying that the downfall to our relationship was my daughter. It has been going like this for a while i just dont know how to change it or make it better. Sex is slim to none and when i say slim to none im lucky if i get it at least 3 times a month. And im only 27 and he is only 25 so there is nothing wrong in the ablity to have sex it is the lack there of...... I know that i may just be over reacting but it seems like this isnt normal behavior from a 25 year old man. He seems to be able to give it to himself pretty well......accidently found porn on his computer after coming home from work. And what bothers me even more is that he is watching it with our 2 month old daughter in the room. Any advise would be greatly appreciated. TY
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fcl responded:
Is he taking care of the baby all day?
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
 
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An_245935 replied to fcl's response:
Im not really sure that is the bad thing im not sure what goes on while i am at work. Again i know that i might be over reacting or something along those lines but i think as his signifigant other he should have enough decency to talk to me about these things. And not take it upon himself to release himself while he should be taking care of our child.
 
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georgiagail replied to An_245935's response:
Is the child is danger while he is masturbating or watching porn? Do you believe the baby is being neglected during this time?

Gail
 
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An_245935 replied to georgiagail's response:
I am not saying that she is in danger or anything while he is there watching her. All i am trying to figure out is why he feels the need to do thaat instead of watching her. What if she would cover her head with her blanket or somethin g along those lines i understand leaving her in the bassinett or somethinalong those lines to use the bathroom but when you are leaving a child alone to go and service yourself not ony is that telling me that he doesnt seem to care about his daughter it is telling me that he doesnt seem to respect my wishes to not do that in the same room. And i am trying to get an answer to help understand his way of thinking in this matter cause it is confusing me. When i am there my daughter is my number 1 priority nothing else comes first at all i just dont see why he cant think the same way as i do and respect my wishes and not do that anywhere near her
 
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georgiagail replied to An_245935's response:
You need to be honest with yourself about all of this. What you're really upset about is that your boyfriend seems to prefer porn and masturbation over sexual intimacy with you.

Gail
 
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loove23 responded:
Do you ever tell him how u feel, he is doing it to himself instead of u, he does not care to help you with his own daughter, he is irresponsible and neglect his own daughter and wife, waht does that tell you, he plays vidoe games while you work, how about while your at work cooks you a nice home cook meal to show his appreciation, why does he not help u to clean up after all it is his mess, why does he acts like a child that has no care in the world, you need to stop being so gentle with him, let him get up off his sorry butt for a man and find work help you some of the responsiblities, that's not a man that's a child......no man that has a child behaves that way but its the way you have allowed huim to be because you just what you think you should and not do what you are suppose to do, he is not your resposiblity your daughter is.....think about that.......
 
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dfromspencer responded:
Your confusion is understandable. It sounds like your SO does not understand his responsibility? He is now a father, and as one, he needs to take care of his responsibilities. You however, have, and are enabling him to do such. Put your foot down. Tell him he is behaving like a child, and you will not put up with that.

I understand the cost of a daily babysitter is extremely high, but he really needs to get a job, and help support his family. If you allow him to sit around watching porn, and playing games, he will never grow up and take responsibility for himself, or you, or his child. You most certainly do not want that to happen.

You need to sit him down, with no distractions, and explain all of your concerns to him. Tell him how you feel about the whole situation. Then, encourage him to come up with a solution. If you place the decision on his shoulders, perhaps he will man up, and come up with something you can live with?

Good luck, Dennis

P.S. There is nothing wrong with his masturbation. He is a normal, healthy male. We all do it. However, if he is neglecting his child, or doing it in front of her, then, maybe he needs help? Try other things to entice him. Have you tried a candle light dinner? Some new sexy clothing? Maybe try dressing up as his favorite super hero/female of course. Try getting back that excitement he first felt for you. It may just work? Good luck! And i hope this helps?
 
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Spike9666 responded:
Count your blessings, honey. I only "get some" about three times per YEAR.
 
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longduckdong46 replied to Spike9666's response:
I agree with several of the other posters here. The man Needs to get off his behind and get a job, then perhaps he won't have time to play his silly games and masturbate at leisure.
 
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An_245935 replied to longduckdong46's response:
Thank you all for your responses and i really do appreciate the wonderful advice that has been given. The fact that other men have even given advice is even better in my eyes. I think what it is that i was not understanding the psyche of the man. Now i have gotten to the point that i have been going numb even thinking about it. I hvae spoken with him numerous times about the fact of the matter and seems that playing games and masterbating has been replaced with as soon as i come home from work he leaves. So i am playing a losing game. Maybe i just have to get over the fact that at this point i wouldnt even desire myself so why should he type of thing. In respone to you Dfrom Spencer i dont think any kind of sexy outfit would help the matter much i honestly dont think he would pay attention unless it had a remote control or a mouse built into it. I have told him this time and time again. I dont know what is wrong i simply just exist at this point go to work come home take care of my daughter. That is all that matters to me at this point i have gotten used to the fact that we have not chemistry any longer and there isnt anything i can do about that
 
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longduckdong46 replied to An_245935's response:
so what's the plan for you, if you don't mind sharing ?
 
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Krissypoo4405 replied to longduckdong46's response:
there really isnt a plan in action. You cant force someone to do things that they really dont want to do. So ill just have to deal with the everyday the same and worry about the only thing that matters which is my daughter and ive come to the realization that if it happens it happens if i push the issue it wont happen and if i argue with him about it it will just push him further away from me so ill grin and bear it for now until it gets to bad.


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