How can I find a sex partner who is free of STDs?
An_246098 posted:
This question has two parts: First, AFAIK there are no reliable tests to determine if an adult is carrying herpes or HPV. Short of finding somebody who has never engaged in sexual activity is there any way to eliminate the risk that potential partners are carriers of STVs? For example, if they have a long-term physician and are open to disclosing their sexual history might that doctor be able to affirm that the person is STV-free?

Second: I'm a workaholic professional with no foreseeable interest in marriage or the drama of traditional romantic engagements. I just want to find somebody "clean" for regular, monogamous sex. Where/how might I find such candidates? (Presumably I can't go on the "slut" dating sites since that's not where people who are obsessive about STVs spend their time.)
tlkittycat1968 responded:
I can only answer your first question. There is no way short of finding a virgin to eliminate the risk that potential partners have STVs. Many times, men can be carriers and not have any symptoms or know. If a person has had even 1 partner, there is a chance they have an STV.
hairyd responded:
Castration would be your best option. As a Eunuch you would be able to continue with your life style.
, KCAT is correct about the virgin. But this only the first time for sex. He or she is free since there is no relationship to enjoy another's body. A doctor maybe able to state there is no sign of a STD at this time. It could be in the body. You must understand when you have sex. Your having sex with thousands. That person had one partner, but their partner had 100 and those partner had each 25, 10 6, 50 etc. and and each of those partner had sex with ? ?? numbers. Therefore your having sex with Prostitutes , illegal drugs users( with needles), convicts, etc.

Get to work and stop dreaming. It's not gone to happen....
Always remember your penis is unique, just like every man.
fcl responded:
OK, so all you want is sex with no strings and no risks. Buy a fleshlight.
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
An_246098 replied to fcl's response:
First of all, I'm a woman. Second of all I'm obviously interested in the basics of human intimacy, not machines or toys. I didn't say no strings; I said monogamous but with no drama or interest in marriage, etc. I thought this is the ideal arrangement for a lot of men.

I'm surprised that there is no test for STVs. I guess the prevalence of cheating makes it impossible to maintain a "closed community" of STD-free partners. Sounds like the only plausible way I could accomplish this is to only have sex with virgins, though even that depends on prospective partners being honest about their sexual history.

Not to mention that the number of virgins of the age of consent who would be interested in such an arrangement must be miniscule.

An_240941 replied to An_246098's response:
Um...there are these things called condoms....oh & these other things called health departments, they do free & confidential STD screenings. I know a lot of people who refuse to have sex with a new partner unless they both get tested first. It's not an uncommon request or unreasonable. If those options don't work for you then your only other choice would be toys or virgins...good luck with all that. Oh & women are not the only ones who crave intimacy, marriage, commitment, ect...& by the way,male or female, most people who know the relationship will not get any where further than simply sex (i.e. no drama/marriage) would not agree to commit to a monogamous "relationship". If there is no chance of it going anywhere then why should they? At least if they are still dating/seeing/sleeping with other people than just you (who doesn't want marriage) they still have a chance to find a real relationship at some point. And contrary to your idea that quote "no drama or interest in marriage, etc. I thought this is the ideal arrangement for a lot of men," it's not, most men actually do want a commitment at some point in there lives, just like women. They are not all shallow & simply desiring a sex robot. I'm not saying you're shallow, obviously a committed relationship with the potential for marriage just isn't in the cards for you right now & that's fine. But you make it sound like men are just shallow horny sluts who only want a woman for sex & nothing more, and that's not always the case...sometimes it is, but those guys still wouldn't always commit to only seeing one person knowing it wasn't going anywhere. Oh and do be careful because people lie (not all people, but some) & someone might tell you they will be monogamous with you just to get in bed with you & be seeing other women behind your back. So don't get played.
An_246098 replied to An_240941's response:
My understanding is that condoms don't protect against extremely prevalent STVs (e.g., HPV, herpes), and what I have been able to find at "health departments" says they don't have tests for those STVs.
Anon_475 replied to An_246098's response:
The reason that condoms do not protect against herpes is that it is transmitted via skin-to-skin contact not because it is prevalent. To protect yourself against HPV I suggest you get vaccinated.
An_246098 replied to Anon_475's response:
That would be great if they offered vaccines against all strains of HPV. Four out of 100 doesn't cut it for me.
georgiagail replied to An_246098's response:
Well then, one might suggest celibacy would appear to be your best option.

An_240941 replied to An_246098's response:
Or if your partner has herpes hope that they are forward with you on this & remain abstinent during times of break outs. There are risks in everything you do in life. All you can do is do your best to prevent the bad from happening & hope for the best. So get tested, get vaccinated, use condoms, & at least then your chances are reduced. There is no sure way to absolutely prevent contracting an STD. Some can even be transmitted without sex like blood to blood contact or even contracting herpes from a toilet seat. So you can either remain abstinent or lock yourself in a bubble or you can get over your fears & live life & enjoy it. You only get one life, so figure it out. By the way condoms may not be perfect but they actually do help reduce the chance of contracting herpes by 30%. No it's not 100%, but it's better then nothing. They are also about 98% effective against AIDS & HIV & they can reduce the the possible spread of HPV by up to 70%. Again not perfect but better than nothing. By your paranoia I would guess you're a virgin?... Oh & there is testing for HPV & herpes, but you may have to go to your doctor for those tests rather than a health department. The HPV vaccine, Gardasil, prevents against the 2 cancer causing strains that cause over 70% of cervical cancer cases & the 2 wart causing strains that cause over 90% of genital wart cases out of the over 100 strains of HPV. I'd say they are worth getting & probably more helpful then you seem to think. So before you just say "4 out of 100 doesn't cut it for me" why don't you take a look at what 4 they are & much it really does help in prevention. You obviously know what the internet is so do some of your own research & see how much condoms, vaccines, getting tested regularly, & regular pap smears can actually help before you knock it all down as if it is all worthless. The combination of the 4 seriously reduces your chances of contracting an STD of any kind. NOTHING is 100% preventative outside of abstinence! but you actually have about a 98% chance of preventing contraction of an STD by utilizing those 4 things. If that's not a good enough answer for you then don't have sex. Now I hope that answers all of your "smart" rebuttals to every ones attempts to helping you. Next time get ALL the facts, not just part of them ok.
bob249 responded:
Interesting thread!

I am amused that some presumed you are male ...

Any chance your name is Linda?
Asking because I dated a Linda years back and when we became naked with my presumption intercourse was about to occur ...

She said she wasn't ready for that and began masturbating.

I might have considered going along with that if it had been discussed up front. But I was so surprised all I could do was watch.

After thinking it over, I decided to move on.

As others have said, there is risk in most life activities. If the risks outweigh the benefits, you have the answer.

If it's a close call, then take appropriate measures while clear of mind, only date people with better integrity (Bad Boys - you are OUT), and get to know your potential partner before the plunge. (pun intended.)
An_246098 replied to An_240941's response:
Thank you all for the info.

@An_240941: I did not mean to denigrate any helpful responses; just clarify to find an answer. Sounds like Gardasil, condoms, and testing are decent countermeasures. I'm surprised that we don't have 100% tests for STVs, but as you said: if I combine those with careful selection of partners I may be able to satisfy my risk tolerance and sex drive.
An_240941 replied to An_246098's response:
Well you knocked down everything everyone said & your reasons were not 100% accurate. So I hope the info I gave you helps clarify some things for you & gives you a little better understanding of your options. We don't have 100% perfect testing or 100% perfect protection, but we have pretty close to it. 98% is darn good in my opinion.

I wish you luck in your sexual endeavors. Just make sure you get educated & in the right way with accurate & detailed information. Remember that most times when you talk to a doctor or health professionals & health depts they give you basic answers, you have to ask detailed questions & the right questions to get all the facts & sometimes your better off doing your own research. Again good luck with all that. I hope it works out they way you hope although I'm not sure it will be all that easy to find a partner who agrees to be monogamous knowing that the relationship will not go anywhere farther than sex. I think that will be a harder challenge for you than protecting yourself from STDs.

One last thing, make sure when buying condoms that they are latex & actually say "protects against STDs". Lambskin condoms do not actually protect against STDs they only prevent unplanned pregnancies. Polyurethane condoms break easily (& are expensive). Polyisoprene condoms work pretty much just like latex, but there is a huge reduction in possible allergic reactions for people allergic to latex. Make sure everything is properly lubricated. Lack of proper lubrication is one of the main reasons condoms break. & last, have fun! Don't make it so serious.
An_240941 replied to An_240941's response:
Oh yea, someone said something along the lines of there could be no sign of an STD in testing but it could still be in your body...Even HIV testing is rather accurate now. HIV shows in a blood test within 2weeks - 3months after being contracted. Tests are a lot better now then they once were. Don't listen to everything you hear. Always look it up for yourself. That includes everything I've said. You don't know me or anyone else here from Adam & have no reason to trust everything we all say. So look it all up to verify it before you trust it all. I don't trust anything anyone says to me. I always do my own research. I promise you that you will find everything I've told you to be true, but go look it up anyway. You may find something I missed that may be relevant for you.