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New mother that's not getting sex
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An_246265 posted:
It's always amusing to read the posts from woman that claim their man isn't interested in sex. Guys you are my heroes. As a 50-year old male who has always been physical fit, gainfully employed, at least 50% engaged in all household chores, and as turned-on by my woman as the day I met her, I firmly believe that sex is at the bottom of the list of needs for most woman - they're like sexual camels.
It's insulting to men when we have to explain to our girl what it takes to keep us happy. Woman know exactly how to excite us when they are trying to hook us. Mostly, the female just has to show up. However, as we mature, we become insulted when we are made to feel that making love to us is just another chore - done to placate, and keep the piece. Don't then add insult to injury by describinhg the act as "making love".
There is no way that the sexual enhancement stuff marketed to men is for "making love to their woman when the time is right" - a daily pill when she might actually show up ready to orgasm once a month? This type of aid has to be for the guys chasing young girls.
I asked my doctor for something to help me loose interest in sex - he laughed, but i wasn't kidding. I love my wife and I am monogamous, so I will live the rest of my life sexually frustrated. Instead of going to bed, I play my guitar for hours.
With respect to porn, men do not look at it to drool over the ideal body. They are usually filling a void in their life. Personally, I find it depressing because it presents the idea that there are large numbers of woman "who are really in to it".
Young men really need to understand the data on sexual dysfunction in woman - it's mainly lack of desire.
Oh, and by the way, my wife is 10 years my junior, so who knows what's in store for us when menopause hits.

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rhondamay responded:
You are painting women with a very broad brush. Sure, there are many women with low libidos, but there are also men with little interest in sex. I have gal friends that have no interest in sex from years and tears of loneliness while being in an otherwise compatible marriage. Getting their mind off it is better than enduring the sexual frustration; after a while you don't miss it. Mismatched libidos are common. During our twenties I had trouble keeping up with my guy. I caught up with him and passed him in our late thirties and didn't fall behind again until menopause. Now in our fifties we are closely matched and enjoying a very active sex life. I don't dispute your situation but it is not universal.
 
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An_245935 replied to rhondamay's response:
I dont find it amusing that a relationship that has thrived with sexual encounters has basically went to nothing and if a guy is more intrested in porn means the woman isnt doing her part to tantilize her partner and in turn feeling less than adequate in her partners eyes. I think that your belief that woman hold sex at the bottom of your list hasnt honestly been talking to many women then cause i know alot of women that hold sex alot higher than what you are stating. I guess i have to realize that you are 21 years older than myself and i believe that sex in a relationship is very important especially when you are in your 20's. I dont use sex as a way to placate anything in my relationship. I like to feel close to my significant other after a long day at my full time job and after taking care of my 3 month old daughter yes i am a new mother. And i still consider sex to be a very important part in a relationship if you feel that i am wrong please explain to me why i am in the wrong. You might be able to go without sex in your relationship but dont think the rest of the world agrees with your way of thinking cause alot of people like to have sex. Dont put the women that like to in that category that should have it on the bottom of their lists.
 
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Antarcticus responded:
After seventeen years of great sex my wife lost her libido due to "estrogen blockers" or menopause. She is 46 and I am 56. Her libido may never come back. So now, instead of sex several times a week, it is once a week. She told me she'd be happy with once a month. To make things worse, I get testosterone injections every three weeks due to low levels in my system. We have a thirteen year old daughter at home and I would hate to split into two homes.

Cheating is out of the question, as well as an open marriage. Even if I got a divorce I would only meet menopausal or post-menopausal women with low libidos. (I also need to see my doctor about getting rid of my libido.)

Yeah, I use porn - but just for masturbation. I have no interest in it, otherwise. I am literally screwed, or unscrewed to be more precise.
 
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fcl replied to Antarcticus's response:
Has your wife discussed the possibility of HRT with her doctor? If not, she may want to do so. There are many, many women out there who are post-menopausal who have perfectly normal sex lives and a lot of them take HRT.

No offence intended, but you sound as if you might be suffering from depression - have you considered getting screened and treated if this should be the case? By the way, your doctor cannot get rid of your libido. Some anti-depressants may do this but no reputable doctor will prescribe them to kill your libido...
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
 
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Antarcticus replied to fcl's response:
Thanks for the reply. HRT is out of the question as she is taking tamoxifen, an estrogen blocker, for the next four years.

I made the crack about women my age because my male friends who are dating tell me the women they meet are not interested in sex in a committed relationship.

Me, depressed? Yeah, it turns out most of my happiness in life revolvedrevolves around a steady sexual relationship. (I am a shallow sexual being.) I don't see how a therapist would do me much good, unless I sleep with her.
 
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georgiagail replied to Antarcticus's response:
I'm going to assume your wife is on Tamoxifen for the next four years as she is dealing with the issue of breast cancer.

Unfortunately, there are many women (including myself recently) dealing with this same issue frustrated that they cannot use HRT to help increase libido. In my case it was a discussion with my Gynecologist to begin hormone replacement therapy (I am 61 years old) that led to a question of when I had my last mammogram and, ultimately, the discovery of my breast cancer.

So while YOU may be depressed there are a hell of a lot of women dealing with breast cancer in the same boat totally frustrated about the same issue.

Gail
 
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fcl replied to georgiagail's response:
Gail, I'd just like to say how sorry I am for your news. I'll be sending you positive vibes for your swift treatment and cure for as long as you need them.
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
 
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georgiagail replied to fcl's response:
Thanks FCL. Luckily this was caught early; margins on the tumor and the nodes were clear of further cancer cells. With my lumpectomy, genetic testing of the tumor and the 33 treatments of radiation I am going through the estimated risk of recurrence for me is 3 percent.

However, any idea of attempting HRT is now off the board. Opens up a new area that my partner and I have to deal with.

These are the phases of sexual life that couples need to realize they might face together as the years go by.

Gail
 
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Antarcticus replied to georgiagail's response:
I am more frustrated than depressed. I have been very supportive of my wife during her breast cancer.

My wife doesn't seem like she is frustrated that she no longer has a libido, she just doesn't feel like having sex. But I do.

Sure there are tons of other people out there not having sex, but it is not a consolation for me not having sex. I love my wife and I have a daughter I still need to raise to adulthood. I am not a martyr, just a sexually frustrated guy.


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