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saturnchicvt posted:
after 3 years of forced celebacy (thanks so much, boyfriends are awesome!) i suddenly realized i still have a sex drive. so now i dont know what normal is: sex drive or no? I am only 30 and fairly sure I still have a pulse. my b/f has made it very clear that he is totally ok with me outsourcing intimacy if i really have to-and i'm starting to think that if i don't get laid really really soon i will start slashing tires and kicking puppies and ripping phone books in half. i almost feel like things were easier when my sex drive was nice and repressed. now that it has come back i'm scared!!! also, i'm not exactly a size 4, what if i can't get anyone to sleep w/me? my self-esteem really can't take that kind of rejection. so basically...i'm confused. i was ok with being broken and now i'm scared i might actually be
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3point14 responded:
Why won't your BF sleep with you? Would you be comfortable having an open relationship? What would your parameters for that be?

In my opinion, having a sex drive is normal. It's just a matter of how you manifest that sex drive that can be "abnormal".

Do you have any friends that you trust with your sexuality to be your sexual outlet?

I am a size 4, literally, and there are still people who would rather swallow knives than have sex with me. Size has nothing to do with attractiveness! Be confident in your skin, and approach people with whom it would be reasonable for you to sleep with. I hate to say it, but sometimes rejection's just part of the game, hun. Try not to let anyone dictate your self worth, and you'll be able to handle it.

Best of luck!
 
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saturnchicvt replied to 3point14's response:
thanks 3point. i dont know why he wont sleep w/me i approached the subject the other night and he kept changing the subject. when i demanded an answer, he said "please dont make me answer that." i have told him 100 times that if he is gay he can tell me i dont care. we are very good at being friends -which almost makes it worse! unfortuenlty i work with all women that are old enough to be my mother and i am always the oldest person in my classes (i am a returning adult student) so my friend list is basically nil. i am trying to reconnect with some old girlfriends so we can have a girls night because i have no idea what to do, where to go, etc! so i'm really out or practice. but i'm planning on working on it
 
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georgiagail replied to saturnchicvt's response:
You imply that you might be a large woman. Perhaps your boyfriend finds this physically unattractive and is too kind to tell you this as the reason why he does not desire intimacy with you.

Gail
 
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fcl replied to saturnchicvt's response:
Perhaps he's suffering from ED and doesn't want to face the issue? OTOH, if he'd rather you got laid by someone else than go see a doc he has bigger problems than you think.

Perhaps he feels that your relationship has run its course and he's passively waiting for you to leave it?

Perhaps ... there could be thousands of reasons but if you can't get him to sit down and talk calmly and frankly to you then there isn't much you can do about it.

Personally, I would not want to be with someone who refuses to communicate with me and runs away from problems.
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
 
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jsmith responded:
I was in your shoes not that long ago. Try a total of 14 years celibate. Yes, I also found that the breakdown in the relationship caused me to make some bad choices, including overeating, not taking care of myself, entereing into an affair, ddrinking way too much. I highlyl recommend seeking professional help first. If sex is becoming more of an issue, as it was with me, why are you staying with a man that cannot accomodate your needs as well. Sex is a very remedial and basic part of an intimate, loving, partner relationship. I felt as if I were asking for the world, when I actually wasn't. Look at most couples, they hold hands, kiss, and hug, I NEVER got any of that. it wasn't until the world blew up in my face that I realized some internal changes needed to take place. My ex also suggested that I find someone to step of to the physical plate he could not accomodate. Long story......I lost my house, my job, and my self respect. Again, I cannot urge you enough to see professional counseling!!!!!!! Since it has risen to the top of your to do list.....hence the need to slash tires and kick puppies......you NEED to talk to someone who KNOWS what they are talking about.....and not some dime store knuckle head.....while friends mean well....they seldom see the BIG picture. I am still in the process of mending as it seems people fail me daily.....please do not get discouraged....remember you have a friend out there who feels the discomfort.....STAY POSITIVE!!!!!! And yes, I too have a weight problem......goes up goes down......its a pendulum.......


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