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Dramatic Increase in Sexual Desire
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An_247033 posted:
Until about 3 years ago, sex was one of those things that I considered another activity that was just a part of my routine and responsibility as a wife. It was really no different to me than cooking dinner, doing laundry etc...In fact, I probably could have gone without it without an issue.Yes, there is a history of sexual abuse from step-father and two episodes of sex without consent by others.

At first, I just chalked it up to turning 40. I had always heard that women reach their sexual peak in their 40's. Although I had always tried to keep things spicy for my husband, it has always been for him. We have been married 23 yrs. Our life is quiet, and unassuming. I have always initiated sex. My husband is very passive.

Sex has always been a physical act between us. It has never been a loving interaction. Completely animalistic, slam bam, thank ya maim kinda sex. I had given up years ago trying to have him be intimate with me. I can say with certainty, I have had sex many times, but in 43 yrs. I have never been made love to.

For some reason, I embraced the physical aspect of sex and suddenly began to desire it....a lot! We went from having sex about once a month, to several times a week.

I'm 43, 5 ft 1 in. and my normal weight has always been between 105-115. This is where everything gets so confusing. Two years ago, my life began to spin out of control. My business suffered a massive hit due to a computer issue. I have always been a worry wart, have always placed way to much responsibility on myself, and had always been in control.

Because of some serious back pain and vision issues, I decided to see a local femme care specialist who ran tons of blood work and salvia hormone test. All test were basically normal. I had very low iron and Vitamin D, but nothing that would explain any of my issues. In fact, according to the hormone test results, I shouldn't be wanting sex at all.

I became a recluse, leaving home only 3 times in 5 months. I worked (digital artist & photographer) 12-24 hrs a day. I lost down to 85 lbs. I rarely slept. I continued to keep up with my household duties, but finally told my husband that I NEEDED him to step up and help. I had always done everything; the bills, the kids, the home, repairs, etc....for 21 yrs his job was to work and provide the main income. Everything else was mine.

He did appreciate this new responsibilty (which by the way, was incredibly difficult to turn over to him). He was very resentful that he had to do these things on top of his 8 hr day at the factory.

The more down hill I went, the more he rejected me. At 85 lbs, I sat on the end of my bed in a push up bra that was way too big due to the weightloss, and a thong (which I hate) in hopes that he would notice me. He never noticed me. However, whenever I wanted sex, he acted as though he would do me the favor of satisfying me, but honestly, the need is just as strong for him, he just likes to make me believe he's doing it for me.

Our marriage is completely devoid of intimacy. I know that he doesn't love me, but yet, I need sex from him. I want sex from him. I don't imagine it with anyone else; no fantasies etc...

I cannot understand how I can desire sex so often, one...because I am constantly in pain with my back and there are only specific positions that I can do because of the pain Two....there is nothing comforting, or loving from the act from husband. In fact, we are just waiting for MRI results to decide how we will separate. Three....no hormonal explanations to support the increase.
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georgiagail responded:
1. You see sex only for release and have erased any feeling for love and caring associated with the act with your husband.

2. We often desire what we can't have.

3. Perhaps there are undiagnosed bi-polar issues.

Gail
 
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An_247033 replied to georgiagail's response:
Thanks for the reply Gail. I suspected something like that, although, unfortunately, I still love him very much and he knows this. I shared with him many times that I need him to "make love" to me. He shows now effort.

I really do feel that my back, specifically my rotated pelvis plays some physical role in my increased drive. But I can't quite figure that one out.

When you say bi-polar, are you referring to me or to him? I have been tested and have been seeing a therapist for several years. I actually have seen about 3 over the years just to be sure of any underlying issues are there. Im always interested in getting the the bottom of my role in issues because I can't change anyone but myself. I have been diagnosed with ADHD, no surprise to anyone whose known me long enough, and there has been the mention of PTSD.

Husband, without question has Passive Aggressive Disorder from emotional trauma at the hands of his mentally abusive father. His father was physically abusive to his mother and my husband witnessed alot of the abuse. His father was cruel and would make life hell for both. His father played mind games with them both and basically held them in a type of mental emotional prison for years.

Husband refuses to see any of this. He denies that he shows no emotional connection to anyone. He lies and shows no true concern for anyone. Unfortunately, because he (on the surface) appears to be the sweetest, most charming man on the planet. The woman love him and have commented to me that they wish their husbands were like him.

He has no male friends and his female friends are relationships that are based solely on the extent of a connection during the 8 hrs he is at work. Everyone "likes" him. Yet, I believe that everyone knows that he has no intention of pursuing any relationship beyond surface relationships.


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