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    Years of Relationship and Sex
    Chris_WebMD_Staff posted:
    So you get engaged, married, have a family.
    How has your relationship and sex changed for you over that time?
    What hurdles have you had to overcome throughout the years?

    Life is too short, so kiss slowly, laugh insanely, love truly and forgive quickly.
    Author Unknown
    queston responded:
    O lord--I could write a book for this one.

    We were married young, right after college. Initially it was just getting comfortable and getting past our general lack of experience. I was from a little more uptight upbringing than my wife, so it took me some time to loosen up, sexually speaking.

    Starting in the late 20s through 30s, it was mostly good. The main issue sexually was finding time (and not being too exhausted to care when the time came).

    The 40s have brought much greater challenges: I have had some occasional performance issues due to chronic prostatitis (and the meds I take for it), she has been going through perimenopause and has experienced a greatly reduced libido. Raising multiple teenagers means we live in a generally stressful environment and that has caused some real marital strain at times.

    I think one of the real keys is to realize that things always change, and to embrace and be open to that. I feel like I'm trying to find a sexual relationship that makes the best of the current challenges--sometimes it feels like my wife isn't really interested in that.
    Retiredin2000 responded:
    Here is what I believe"026 If both parties grow up with a healthy and positive attitude about sex, are caring and attentive in their sex lives, then the changes throughout life will be accommodated. Yes, there will be hormonal changes, injuries and the like, but if the attitude about sex is positive, you will have a satisfying sex life.
    If one party grows up with a negative attitude about sex, like "sex is something you have to put up with", then sex will go away with age. I really don't believe there is much you can do if a partner's upbringing is negative about sex.
    rhondamay responded:
    Started having sex with my guy at 16. It was great. Thirty-seven years later it's even better. A few minor blips though the years - babies - health issues - menopause - wrinkles - but the trend has been all positive. We are looking forward to many more years of intimacy.

    An_247246 responded:
    Passion was intense...body parts were on fire !

    My Love has a heart condition. It became more important to keep blood flowing to and maintaining his heart. It happened
    gradually...we became creative with pleasuring. Now it hurts too much for both of us to be frustrated. We value each other and making kissing and spooning satisfying.

    I am eleven years younger. I went to my Dr. to prescribe something for my depression, and something to curtail my sexual appetite. ...and yes I do have sex p-lay toys and alone time...he goes to the bar...he plays golf. ALAS...
    An_241130 responded:
    Oh yeah! It changed for the worse. The moment when menopause set in, our sex life was over. No if's, than's or discussion. Here's how nice she was about it. My wife simply stated, "No more periods and you're cut off!" Eighteen months later we have nothing to talk about.
    hsmbam47 responded:
    Have been married 37 years. Up until 10 years ago no real problems or issues. Good communication. Then heart attack's (4) and (2) lite strokes over the last 10 years, plus other chronic issues. In hospital (17) times. Just glad to be alive, but no sex to speak of for these ten years. Now for some reason I am (husband) better with very minor ED and wanting to resume sexual relations. Wrong!! Wife has no interest what so ever. In discussing sex issue wife's attitude is she just has no interest and it has been so long when she was interested and I wasn't and did nothing to support her that now she couldn't care. Any ideas?????
    jean2005 replied to hsmbam47's response:
    I can relate to what you are saying. My husband began our early married life with heart problems which led to 3 surgeries. I was so afraid of a possible heart attack that I withdrew for his safety. I also have RA, OA, congestive heart failure (replaced a heart valve nearly 2 yrs ago) and degenerative disc disease (replaced broken neck bones 4 yrs ago). We have tried just kissing, cuddling without intercourse. That's ok for a while. We are trying to get back into the swing of things now. I find if I just grab him and hug him, he is responsive. Because of my RA, I am better by planning a date night in. Take a long hot bath, rub his back and touch him is how we begin. I leave little notes to let him know that I love him. We've only been married nearly 7 years and are an older couple. I would suggest that you try small steps, a hug, a kiss without intercourse at first. Then keep graduating. It's a new beginning for you both.
    jd1000 responded:
    well i waited til i got married to have sex i was raised that it was good to wait. we both where virgins on our wedding night and it felt so amazing and so wonderful. our sex life is still wonderful we have 2 kids now but we still find time to make love to eachother when we can our biggest hurdle has been i would say kids seems like when we are making love they come in and ask about something or need a drink that kind of thing. of course when they walk in we stop what we are doing as we feel they should not see us making love. they have seen us naked before but we feel that is different. our kids are wonderful and we love them and we want to raise them in a house full of love. we been teaching them to knock first. the oldest one will knock but younger one forgets sometimes lol.
    but for most part our love life is great and wonderful.
    mbshine responded:
    When you're young, you do it everywhere, every day, and it doesn't matter all that much if the woman achieves orgasm (imo). Just being together is enough. Then, kids come along, and you're tired, stressed about time, money, day to day chores, and it's more challenging to keep a fire going. Sometimes feels more like "auto-pilot". Then kids get older and we get older as well and have to deal with illness, hormone fluctuations, low T, menopause, (mood swings), impatience, day to day chores, still worrying about finances, looking forward to the day we can retire. Bodies aren't as flexible. I'm looking for quality more than quantity, although he's still looking for quantity. There's misunderstandings and challenges at every stage of life. I feel like I need to make up for the "auto pilot" years by quality now. He doesn't want to "lose it" by not using it. We've been married for 26 years, and together for over 28. We have spats and misunderstandings, and we aren't always on the same page, but I don't want to get old with anyone else, so.....
    TRP912 replied to queston's response:
    I would like to get personal if that's husband is 55 and I just turned 52; we are both going through physical changes at this time in our lives such as no sex drive from either of us; due to low T, menopause, high blood pressure, etc., thus, leading to no intercourse or intimate sex between us. We are very loving to each other on every other level, but, with these physical issues, stresses (financial), we just don't seem to have any sex drive, however, I know that my husband masturbates (3-5 times a month) and doesn't know that I know (that he is still doing this). This has caused me to be upset about him doing this--and yes, we have discussed it (in the past, when I discovered his previous masterbating) and he assures me that it's due to stress, low T, performance worries and that it's not me.....but, I don't understand how he is able to masturbate but, not have sex with me. On a Christian level, I am unsure if this is 'right' to do??? I just don't know. We've never had a problem with our sex life until the last year and a half or so. Can someone help me understand.....I'm sure a good and happily married Christian man can answer this for me if he knows what I am speaking of.
    queston replied to TRP912's response:
    As a (I think) Good and Christian man, I'll take a shot at this, TRP912.

    There's absolutely nothing wrong with masturbating. Many people with active sex lives also masturbate. It's a different kind of release than partnered sex: much easier and less complicated, for starters.

    Now, there is something wrong with masturbating when your partner's sexual needs are unfulfilled, in my opinion. That's the part I'm not so sure of form your post. Do you want sexual intimacy with him? It's not clear that you do.

    If you do, and he knows that you do, and yet he is not making love with you but is masturbating, then that is definitely a problem.

    I think the first step is to communicate your desires clearly to him.

    Also, if sexual performance is an issue for him (erectile dysfunction, and/or premature ejaculation), you may need to alter your lovemaking so that he does not feel performance pressure. If getting and sustaining an erection is a problem, for example, he could bring you to orgasm through means other than with his penis.

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