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I dont like having sex all the time
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HeatherJones23 posted:
Hi I'm Heather and I have a real issue in my household.. My husband wants sex 24/7. I have IC and it causes sex to hurt he says it is in my head but the doctor even explain it can tend to hurt because of my IC. I also have two boys.. Between working crazy hours, about to start college, and my two boys I just dont want to have sex every single day... I love him I do but he automatically assumes I'm getting sex at work and thats not even the case.. IC hurts and I just don't like being in pain.. We have sex at least twice maybe three times a week I just don't understand why that isn't good enough... I mean he keeps comparing before we had our boys but that is also before I had IC too that we would have sex everyday sometimes more then once a day... Im trying I really am but Im at a lost I am tired of fighting with him about it...
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queston responded:
Heather--I have some thoughts about this (and about your husband), but first, what is IC?
 
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queston replied to queston's response:
OK, I looked it up--Interstitial Cystitis.

First, about your husband. If he thinks it's your duty to service him as often as he likes even if it is painful to you to do so, then he seems like a first class ass to me. That seems like your primary issue. No wonder you don't want to make love more often with him--I'm surprised you're willing to at all, under the circumstances. (BTW, I am a man.)

The relationship issues here seem bigger than the sexual issues, to me.

Now, if you can somehow get past that part with him...There's an old joke that goes something like this:

Wife: Sorry, Honey: the gynecologist says no sex for two weeks.

Husband: Oh yeah? What does your dentist say?

Most men would not be upset if their wife offered to give them oral instead of intercourse sometimes. Also, is all sexual stimulation painful for you, or just penetration? If receiving oral is not painful for you, then the two of you could concentrate more on that and it could still be a mutual thing since you'd both be giving and receiving.

More generally, have you been very detailed and specific to him about what is painful and what isn't? Tell him exactly how (if there is any way) he can stimulate you sexually without causing you pain.

 
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queston replied to queston's response:
Also, he needs to accept that relationships change, and the sexual part of your relationship also changes. I think very few couples have as much sex when they are raising young children as they did before the children were born.

Is IC something that one "gets over," or is it more of a chronic lifetime condition? Especially if it's the latter, than he really needs some attitude adjustment. It's be perfectly understandable for both of you to be having some trouble adjusting to this new reality--it's a pretty big deal. Perhaps you'd consider seeing a therapist together, or a clergy person (if applicable).
 
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jmgg5000 responded:
to me sex is beautiful when your married to someone you love. and i feel sex should be often but not 24/7. just talk with your husband and say i love sex but we dont need to do it every moment of the day.
 
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HeatherJones23 replied to queston's response:
We both sat down with the doctor and she explain to both to us why it would hurt to have sex. All it does is have a burning sensation the entire time and that hurts! I do try oral sex with him but thats not enough it wants it no lie all the time... I LOVE him I do he has given me two amazing boys but at this point I dont know what else to do.. Its not like some woman that plain out dont have sex I attempt it more then once a week even though it leaves me in pain afterwards all day...
 
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HeatherJones23 replied to queston's response:
Its a lifetime condition and since alot of woman or men dont get it the med. with insurance is 600 dollars for 30 day supply and i just dont have that type of money to get the med.
 
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Anon_16867 responded:
I DONT UNDERSTAND WHY THESE WOMEN USE SEX TOO HELP GET A MAN..AFTER THEY MARRY HIM THEN AL THE GOOD SEX STOP..THEN THEY SAY I DONT LIKE IT ANYMORE AND AFTER AWHILE THEY JUST STOP ALL TOGETHER...SOME DONT EVEN LIKE GIVING ORAL ..SO WHATS A MAN TOO DO
 
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An_240941 replied to Anon_16867's response:
I don't know what anything you said has to do with this discussion. She clearly didn't use sex to get her husband and then just stop after they got married...which has been discussed already. She has a medical condition that makes sex painful and yet she still screws her husband. She even stated she gives oral, but it isn't enough for her husband (which seemed to imply that even during/after oral he still pushes for intercourse). So again, what does your statement have to do with this discussion?


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