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    Abuse victim - past affecting present. Whered the sex go?
    avatar
    Blissfullah posted:
    I am currently living with my boyfriend of a year. Lately it has been quite difficult for me and quite difficult for us. I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and PTSD a few years after two abusive relationships in which I was abused emotionally, physically, and sexually. My boyfriend didn't know the extent of it until pretty recently when I created a website for victim which told my story in full. Since then our sex life has dwindled.

    Originally, I had attributed that to us moving in together since these both happened around the same time. Lately I have been feeling like he was "bored" with me. After asking about him he denied it. Then, the following night we had sex and he was unable to finish, which NEVER happens. I asked him what was up, asking what the problem was. He admitted to me that after everything he still has a hard time dealing with my abuse and just feels "weird" having sex with me. He also let me know that the "weird-ness" he feels increases and decreases with stress and general horniness. He also attributes the lack of intimacy to my recent weight gain due to the meds I am on stating that it makes it harder for him.

    I recently began started working out in order to tone up. But I don't know what to do about the other stuff. Is this common? I just feel like he is faking everything now. Why touch me, kiss me, hold me, if you aren't as attracted to me?
    Reply
     
    avatar
    Chris_WebMD_Staff responded:
    Hiya and welcome!

    I think you really should considering reaching out for some professional help. To find out how to deal with this. I'm not sure you can change him so I'm thinking that you need to deal with his reactions and all that he is going through. I am not a professional, so I encourage you to ask your doctor about this and perhaps he can suggest someone for you to talk with about this relationship. Is your boyfriend getting help? Keep talking to him, communication is key! You may want to join our Relationships and Coping Community as well. They can be supportive too.
    Best of luck to you!
    Chrissy~

    Life is too short, so kiss slowly, laugh insanely, love truly and forgive quickly.
    Author Unknown


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