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Feeling resentment towards my fianc?. Bored with my sex life!!!
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StacyVaughn posted:
We have been together two years now. He is 31 and I am 20. For the first year, it was great. Some one that could actually keep up with my high sex drive, and try different things with! He use to go down on me every time before sex (or at least evey other time). And when we would have sex, it could be any were from 30 minutes to and hour and a half. Than he stopped performing oral. Than the the foreplay stopped all together. I had talked to him, and he felt bad, blah blah.. But nothing changed. Now when we have sex , he gets on top of me, I take it for 10 minutes, and thank ya maam, the end. Now that this has been going on for the last five months, maybe longer, I don't initiate sex at all. I don't want it. Once I start to get in the mood I think about my sex life, and I immediately get turned off. I don't even masterbate anymore. I recently talked to him about this again, and he promised to try better, he's sorry, blah blah blah.. And yet again, nothing has change. We went from having sex all the time, to me putting up with it when he wants it every now and than. I asked if he was un attracted to me and he was offended I would think so. I know he loves me very much , and I love him. We have a baby girl on the way. But I've noticed I'll randomly get really sad when I'm with him, cause something will remind me of how much I hate my sex life. Its making me shut down towards him. I get emotional about it now! My sex drive is at zero I'm at my sexual peak! I should be having lots of fun sex! Ha.. What do I do!? I've tried dress up, toys, asking him what HE wants, making him let me do all the work, etc. he know there's nothing I won't try..
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Anon_125014 responded:
I think you need to consider if this a deal breaker, and also, tell HIM to to ask you what you want, then follow through. Your fiance has become incredibly selfish sexually, and given what you've described, it's no wonder you're bored and turned off by even the idea of sex with him. He's treating you like a blow up doll.

No foreplay, no tenderness, nothing to help YOU enjoy the ride--just a way to get his rocks off. If it is a dealbreaker--TELL him. Let him know that what's happening in the bedroom is affecting every aspect of your relationship and your feelings towards him. Let him know that by acting as if what you need and want in intimacy is unimportant, it's making you doubt his feelings for you, and yours for him. If he loved you, he'd try to make you happy--and he's been ignoring what it takes to make you happy. You don't want to spend your life miserable and unsatisfied, and being in love is not an excuse to condemn yourself to it.

What you're going through IS fixable--but it's going to take both of you: a concerted effort on his part undo what's become an exceptionally bad habit--and yours to not let it slide, but give positive feedback when he improves. Also, sex is not all there is to intimacy--there are other ways to express affection physically, and perhaps he's lost sight of that. Foreplay, kisses, massages, embraces and hugs are all wonderful--and they don't have to end in sex, just the simple pleasure of being touched by the one you love. I'd suggest both of you make an effort to fit those into your daily lives above and beyond whatever happens between the sheets.

I do wish you the best of luck.
 
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tmlmtlrl responded:
My guess would be that this is because you have a baby on the way. Sometimes men get really weirded out about having sex when their woman is pregnant. Ask him about it and watch his reaction.

You should talk with him about this and then hopefully get him, you, and your doctor to do a sit down and discuss everything about having sex while pregnant. Even try looking up stuff on the internet or find books, but I would bet that he would be most likely to listen to a doctor. Good luck
 
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StacyVaughn replied to tmlmtlrl's response:
It hasn't been weird for him at all. He always said he finds pregnant women attractive. When I was first pregnant he was all over me. Don't know what the deal is..
 
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fcl responded:
Stop letting him get on top of you. If he wants sex then the deal is that you want foreplay. No negotiation possible. And you will be the one to decide when he can enter you and that will only be when you have had the foreplay that you need. I'm not saying to refuse sex, just to make sure that it's a good experience for you.
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
 
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StacyVaughn replied to fcl's response:
It's been some time now since I posted this. Sad to say not much has changed. He seems to put a liiiitle more love into it by- a little more kissing, kissing/holding my breasts.. But still short lived, than its straight to sex. I'm towards the give up point with trying for oral sex. Cause he will do it on the rare occasion, but its short, he just flicks his tongue back and forth (when he use to go all out), and I can just tell he doesn't want to. So it makes it uncomfortable and unenjoyable for me. He gets frustrated now when I bring it up. I thought if I made more attempts at talking about it, discussing his general likes/dislikes in the bedroom, it would help determine and conclude some things. Buuuut he shuts me out now, and doesn't talk about it. Now that I'm pregnant, 10 lbs too heavy. And have stretch mark infested boobs- I don't really care to try anymore. My self esteem is enough to kill my sex drive now. So I throw in the towel, I suppose.


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