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Should I stay or should I go...
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An_247353 posted:
I got married to my husband in January, he is in the navy and I was in school so I could not move to be with him until May. Now it's the end of August and we have nothing but problems which get blamed on me all the time. Before I came here I had my own place which I fully furnished on my own, a full time job that had the same hours every day and provided me with great benefits, I was in school working towards my degree to become a clinical psychologist, my own newer vehicle that was completely paid off and all of my friends and family around me. I gave up EVERYTHING for him. Now I am in a new city that I know where nothing is and I know noone except him. He never wants to do anything but sit around and drink when he gets off work even though he knows I have been in the house all day by myself. The worst thing is that the night he came home from deployment when I moved out here I come to find that he has been talking to other girls, sending pictures back and forth and is on multiple dating websites. When I could not get over this in a months time I was called insane, not only by him but by his family and friends. It was betrayal in my eyes. He never gives me rides when I need to go anywhere and tells me that I need to be more independent. How can I be independent when I am without money and a vehicle in a town where I am lost? When we finally got most of the way past what he did when I was away, talking to other girls, then it became a matter of him not realizing how selfish he is. He makes me walk through an unsafe area and wait for a trolley that takes an extra 1 1/2hrs to get home because he doesn't want to pick me up. Then when I tell him how horrible he makes me feel that he won't sleep with me but can look at other girls on some website that have what he likes and I no longer have, he goes to the bar. I am so stressed out being here and I don't want to leave him in spite of how he acts but I don't know what to do to make him realize his wrong in all of this. Every thing is always my fault. Someone please give me advice on how to make him change his ways or what I should do to leave him so I don't have to feel like this anymore. I moved across country to be here with him and we spent my entire savings which was supposed to be for a car so now I have nothing. I don't know what to do.
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georgiagail responded:
You two are, unfortunately, like many young couples who marry while one (or the other) is in the service...and often do this a bit too quickly because they decide they can't live without one another when military responsibilities separate them.

Unfortunately, when they do get together (and this often involves moves to places where one is a stranger, having to give up many things) they find that, well, they really don't like each other very much.

The military puts an incredible amount of stress on young married couples; the sacrifice each must give breaks many of these new relationships.

I think you need to realize that your husband doesn't particularly like you any more; that the rosy initial bloom of desire based on being apart has now faded on the vine. And it doesn't appear that you like him very much.

Sounds like it's time to throw in the towel on this marriage and get out of it now. And DON'T consider pregnancy as a potential option of saving this marriage.

Gail
 
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hairyd responded:
Marriage is not EASY.
Differant town, broke , Military, etc. Makes it HARDER.
The bride should be First, but the
Military demands that his service is First. Also beware that most of his friends may be single (Wild SEX and BEER). Therefore their life style will be differant. You need to talk with the Military Chaplains. If your husband is able you need to have a couple session. He may also beneifit from a private session (MAN to MAN) We have all been there.
Your not the only military bride in this city. The chaplain will be able to help make connections. You may consider in the local area (walking distance) a part time job for money. Consider joining a Church for Support.
If you LOVE HIM and the SEX is GREAT. Do NOT leave. With Love You can make IT. Like SEX You Need a helping hand!
Always think of the positive. The LOVE you had when you married; the SEX on your WEDDING NIGHT.
I AGREE PLENTY OF SEX: PRACTICE ONLY. NO BABIES UNTIL HE IS OUT OF THE MILITARY. IF HE MAKES IT A CAREE., CHILDREN ONLY AFTER YOU HAVE LEARNED TO BE A MILITARY WIFE.
I agree it is a difficult career for a Family. May God bless those that choose to Serve. Also Bless American whom they protect.
Always remember your penis is unique, just like every man.
 
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tmlmtlrl responded:
Call your family and ask them for help. Get a ticket home. Leave behind what you can't carry. Start over. Do it now before you waste years of your life. Maybe someday he'll realize what he lost, maybe not, but it isn't going to happen while your there.

I really feel for you and what you're going through. You sound intelligent enough to not sit around trying to fix him for the next 5 - 10 years only to realize it's not your job to fix him. Live your life. Be happy. Good luck.


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