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    Anon_22081 posted:
    I have a boyfriend of almost 10 years now and I pretty much have a double life. I have what we will call a "sancho" on the side that I have been seeing for just about 2 years now. Its not a relationship, we just meet for a few hours for sex and we go our seperate ways. Now with my boyfriend we have ALWAYS used protection and with the guy on the side, we hardly ever use protection. Just recently my boyfriend has decided to not use protection and the guy on the side has started to use protection every so often. Should I be worried abou catching something? I know I take the risk not using it at all, but I only have 2 sex partners???
    3point14 responded:
    How many sex partners do your sex partners have, though?

    I'd be using protection with both of them to keep from infecting both of them with anything. Then again, if you really cared about protecting either one of them you probably wouldn't be cheating on your decade-long relationship.
    Anon_22081 replied to 3point14's response:
    I only have 2 sex partners. Rarely use protection with my side friend and always used protection with my boyfriend. Just recently they both have switched it up.
    3point14 replied to Anon_22081's response:
    I understand your situation, but what I'm asking is how many partners do YOUR PARTNERS have? Because maybe you're using protection with one and he's not using it with someone else. You're not just exposing them to each other, you're exposing everyone to everyone else they're potentially sleeping with.

    Why not just ask them what's made them change their minds?
    Anon_22081 replied to 3point14's response:
    Sorry for the confusion but my side partner has 2 other sexual partners, but uses protection with them. We are honest and open about who we do and do not use protection with and he is aware of my situation with my boyfriend not using protection, which is to why he himself switched. My dilema of my double life is soon coming to an end so its not going to be much longer before I am just back to 1 sexual partner.
    fcl replied to Anon_22081's response:
    Are you aware that condoms don't protect from all STDs? Some only require skin-to-skin contact to be contracted - herpes for instance.
    There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
    Anon_22081 replied to fcl's response:
    I havent had any signs of herpes of any other type of sexually transmitted diseases, but do I have a higher chance of contracting something since I have 2 sex partners? I know sometimes symptoms may not show right away, but is there anything that I should be looking for?
    elle0317 replied to Anon_22081's response:
    you can have an STD that does not have any signs. Get tested often. Yes, the more partners you have the greater the chance of contracting an STD.
    Anon_22081 replied to elle0317's response:
    I guess the part where I am being hard headed is that my side relationship has been going on for 2 years and so far nothing has happened as far as any std's and that why I guess I continue to do what I do without any protection. My main fear is that I guess because I know its still a possibilty, it just lingers with me
    elle0317 replied to Anon_22081's response:
    If you haven't been properly tested, then how can you really know? Getting tested is what responsible, grown-up people do, espcially when they have multiple partners at the same time. Did you know that chlamydia is know as the silent STD due to its lack of symptoms? and can cause infertility if gone unchecked. HPV can infect without obvious symptons as well, so can Herpes, so can HIV....See what I'm getting at??

    Besides just because you haven't had any problems in the past, doesn't mean you can't contract one now, considering you are still stepping out on your b/f with a guy who also is sleeping with other women. Who are those women sleeping with also? other men? and who are those other men sleeping with?? This is exactly how STD's are transmitted. When you have sex with a guy you are having sex with every woman they've ever been with, and every man those women have been with, and so on and so forth.
    fcl replied to elle0317's response:
    To add to what Elle0317 said, it is also possible that you contract an STD with no symptoms and pass it on to your bf. So what do you tell him when HE has an outbreak? This could all blow up in your face ...
    There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
    1nt3rnalc0mbu5t1on replied to Anon_22081's response:
    Your main fear is getting an STD? You could get pregnant as well...and if your long term bf is using protection and you get knocked up, wont he figure out what is going on? I know that they recently switched up their methods and of course std's are dangerous. My question is...if your not going to use protection, wouldn't it make more sense to do that with the man that you have known for 10 years, rather than the guy you have known for 2? And he has 2 other sex partners as well, im sure he hasnt used a condom every single time. As Pi mentioned sure the 2 other sex partners are having sex with other guys its not just 3 people it could be 10, 20, 30 people involved in this mess.

    Im sure you would agree that unprotected sex feels amazing compared to using a condom. But if your willing to take that risk with a long term parter, you should both get tested to start and keep your relationship monogomous.

    Hopefully everything works out

    Anon_475 replied to 1nt3rnalc0mbu5t1on's response:
    Good point. Besides that, how much do you really care about your bf if you're willing to take the risk of passing him potentially dangerous STDs?

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