Skip to content
Can't handle my boyfriend's kinkiness anymore
An_247689 posted:
I've been with my bf for quite a while now, and we have a very active sex life. He is kinky guy, and I'm more vanilla but I am very open to trying out anything he suggests. I have done every single fantasy he's wanted, and all of them are generally kinky, I regularly dress up for him and I do keep myself in a pretty good shape. But i feel like my confidence has been knocked down by his porn habits. It's not the average porn guys look at, which is just straightforward sex that I'm actually fine with, but he looks at pictures of girls, in a particular position, maybe wearing a secretary outfit and imagines them being the domme and in control of his orgasms. He gets a real kick out of these fantasies.

The problem I'm having is that I've been great at doing these things for him. I took a lot of pain just to find out how to do his fantasies, but his porn habits has been the same since he was single! I feel like whats the point of doing these things, if he imagines those girls in the same outfits as what i regularly wear for him! Once in awhile if he fantasies, its fine, but he finishes himself at least twice a day if im not there, and on and off spends the whole day looking at it! Even if I'm seeing him that evening, he'll have to look at pictures in the morning, but why can't he just control himself when I will be doing special things for him in the evening!

Everything slightly kinky lately has just been putting me off, and I dont know why. His fantasies have changed from the girls being dommes to submissives, and i feel the pressure to change and carry out his fantasies cos i dont want him to look online, but some of the scenarios he described had made me uncomfortable! Probably cos he made it sound unloving when Im the sub, and Im being made a slave by him to an extreme level that im not used to, but I feel like I have to do it for him, if not he'll just continue his habits!

I told him in April to reduce how much of pictures he's been looking at, and not look at pictures on the same day as meeting me, but Ive just found out that all of consolation he's been giving me are lies! He also has the weird obsession about looking at a particular celebrity's music videos again and again to finish himself to, and that just makes me feel unconfident and i think he's just being downright ungrateful to have a gf like me who does every thing he wants!

Ive put myself through so much just to make him happy, but he's hurting me. I gave him an ultimatum to change, and hes hopefully starting to... I just find it hard to put all this behind me and start afresh when I just think he lies all the time! And this has been going on for about 9 months! I dont know how to feel!

georgiagail responded:
If these issues are serious enough that you believe he is hurting you (either physically or emotionally)...and discussing this with him has had no impact...then, well, end the relationship.

Playing out fantasies can be fun but if they take over ALL aspects of your intimate life then one begins to feel no different than a rubber blow up doll.

You can't change him (and it was foolish of you to think so) and instead it almost sounds like you've become a doormat for all HIS fantasies.

iceechic responded:
I agree with Gail 100 percent

Helpful Tips

Oral Sex- deep throatExpert
Many people have trouble with the gag reflex (choking or coughing) when performing oral sex especially when they try to deep throat. You ... More
Was this Helpful?
70 of 88 found this helpful

Related Drug Reviews

  • Drug Name User Reviews

Report Problems With Your Medications to the FDA

FDAYou are encouraged to report negative side effects of prescription drugs to the FDA. Visit the FDA MedWatch website or call 1-800-FDA-1088.

For more information, visit Dr. Becker-Phelps' website