Sexual Health Community

I do not like the advice I'm about to give you, because it sounds like you love your boyfriend and otherwise have a good relationship....However, I do not think you can be happy with this man in the long run. You are not even married (yet?), and your sex life --a vital part of a relationship-- is unsatisfactory. The fact that you are posting on this forum means that you consider sexual intimacy to be important in a relationship. That is not true for everyone (including your boyfriend). Some people simply don't have a very strong sex drive, and consider sex to be a chore. The key is to get lucky enough to pair up with someone whose sex drive matches yours. In the beginning (first few years of dating/marriage), things are always hot and exciting. It's not until 5-10 years in that the marriage is supposed to get boring and sex drives dwindle. The fact that sex has never been a healthy component in your relationship is a terrible sign of things to come. You should not be thinking of cheating on him just from a sexual perspective. That's not fair to him, and it's not fair to you. Instead, you should be in a relationship that does not require you to even consider looking outside the relationship for sex.

You'll probably get all kinds of advice that maybe he has low-T, etc., but in the end do you want to spend your life frustrated and hoping you can fix a man who does not consider himself broken? Believe me, it is a frustrating position to be in. I know, because I'm in a 10-year marriage, with a woman I love and am very committed to...but she is like your boyfriend --just does not care about sex at all. She has always been this way. I wish I had known 10 years ago how frustrating it would be to live with a spouse whose sex drive did not match mine....

Hello, I know what your going through and what your partner is going through. Ive been on both ends of this. Im Bipolar and my meds. ruined my sex drive. I ended up hating sex. It felt like a hated chore. Me and my husband hadnt been married very long and my hubby had to ask me for sex. I really felt bad for him. Then about 5 yrs later my sex drive went into over time. It was crazy. I wanted sex three times a day and my poor hubby couldnt keep up with me. We got into arguments. I was accusing him of having affairs and not wanting to have sex with me. The truth was, he just COULDNT have sex. The entire thing was Hell. Finally my sex drive straightened out and our lives were so much happier.

So here are some ideas to perhaps help both of you. First, get two magnets for your fridge, one that represents you and the other that represents your hubby. We used a blue and pink rabbits. We would raise the rabbits higher or lower on the fridge according to our sex drive, when it got close to being equal, then sex would happen. So there would be no question as to WHEN you could have sex. Also, try watching porn together. Find what turns him on and buy that kind of porn. You could play sex games. The one that my husband LOVES to play is when I dress up as a 18 yr old Catholic virgin who has escaped from Catholic school. Im 48 yrs old and we have been playing that game for many many years. So buy some costumes and see if he likes them. Even try some kinky stuff. Go to a sex toy/costume/video store and get some ideas from there. The sky is the limit.

Good luck to you both.