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My husband won't sleep with me
Lolaa124 posted:
I need some advice.

I am 25 years old and have been married for 2 years. My husband and I are best friends and get along beautifully, we rarely fight and have tremendous respect for one another. While we were dating and in the beginning of our marriage we had sex very frequently, about 5 times a week.
About 6 months into our marriage the frequency of sex started to slow down significantly. At first I didn't think much of it because we were still being intimate, just not as often. I felt like it was expected/normal in a marriage, but here it is 2 years in and we haven't had sex in 8 months. In the past year we have been intimate about 5 times. I have had several discussions with my husband about this and he assures me he is still attracted to me and I know he isn't cheating. Before you assume I've let myself go, I'm still a size 2 (same as when he met me). He says he's really stressed out at work and wants a job change which is making him depressed, he also says he's insecure and self conscious about his body so he hasn't wanted sex as much.
Even though we get along great and I love him dearly, I can't help but feel rejected and unattractive. I've started to resent him and feel myself becoming impatient and cold. I know he's embarrassed/ashamed/feels like less of a man so I'm sympathetic but at the same time, I'm very concerned for our future. I hate feeling this way and want my old husband back!! HELP
fcl responded:
Your husband has given you a couple of very valid reasons for losing his sex drive - stress and depression. The chances are that when he gets a new job he'll feel like a new man.

Do you initiate sex or do you wait for him to? If you do, does he turn you down or does he have sex with you because it will make you happy?
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
Lolaa124 replied to fcl's response:
I used to be the one to initiate sex but he has turned me down so many times I've completely stopped trying. So now, no one initiates it. We are like roommates who sleep in the same bed.

I understand he has given me legitimate reasons for not wanting sex, but it doesn't make it hurt any less. I'm at a loss and don't know how to cope.
fcl replied to Lolaa124's response:
Well, to start with you have to get past the idea that somehow this is your fault.

How about trying to meet halfway? How about setting up a date night once a week? Take it easy for a few weeks, get used to talking to one another again (when there's tension in a household that becomes difficult). Even if you have to plan for sex it can be fun. Make it a relaxing evening, run him a bath, give him a massage ... yes, the effort will have to come from you in the start but you're the one asking for help . How about planning for an evening in bed with fingerfood and a movie?

I really hope that you can change this.
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
Lolaa124 replied to fcl's response:
I'll definitely give it a try. Thank you for your advice!

Helpful Tips

Difficulty having an orgasm?Expert
Try reading Becoming Orgasmic: A Sexual and Personal Growth Program for Women by Julia Heiman , Joseph Ph.D. LoPiccolo and David ... More
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