Young, Newlywed, And Sexless...
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An_247975 posted:
My Husband is barely 22, and he has NO sex drive. We were married less than a month ago and he is so loving. He always tells me how beautiful I am and how much I mean to him, but when I try to make a move, I am CONSTANTLY denied. EVERY TIME! He doesn't pursue me either. I feel like he is just bored with me. I have gained some weight, but I'm working my ass off to get back to par. He used to be so aroused by just a kiss, and now I can't do anything to get the sexual spark back. I've dressed up like he likes, I've taken control, I've given him space, I've busied myself, he has witnessed other men trying to hit on me, I have even let him sleep all weekend while I did all the household chores and other things he "stresses' about. I am so fed up and confused!!!

What's more, our sex didn't just dwindle away, it blatantly stopped. I have voiced my concerns and tried to tell him how I feel and he just says he "feels bad" and tells me that he's sorry. Yeah, I'll get sex that week once, maybe twice, if I'm lucky, but then it screeches to a halt again. I am a 20 year old attractive female with a healthy sex drive, and I'm married to a perfectly healthy, gorgeous man, who seems to just not care.

It hurts because he can watch porn, and even has gone so far as to read and reply to craigslist casual encounters and yahoo chat rooms. He wants sex... I thought for awhile maybe he just doesn't want it with me. We have resolved the issues above, an we are going to be attending counseling. He never cheated and never intended to. But it still hurts to know that he was horny and doing these things on the computer, while I was in our bedroom sleeping...What the hell am I doing wrong?

Sorry about the long description. There are just so many factors and I feel like we are too young to have these problems...

Can anyone relate or give me any advice? Please don't hesitate... I have virtually no unbiased friends or family to speak to about this.

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alantewks responded:
All I can do to help is to tell you about my first year being married. I dated my wife for close to two years before we got married. Everything was fine sexually while we were dating. Once we got married everything changed. She would have to take a two hour nap when she got home from work. She told me that she needed a rest after work and that while we were dating Ididn't see that side of her. then she just wanted to have sex on the weekend because she had so much housework to do. I helped out with the housework to free her up. I wanted sex three times a day she wanted it on the weekend. That's a real problem. Things got real nasty. I started treating her very badly. I verbally abused her and I refused to help anymore with the housework. I'm thinking "This isn't what I thought the first year of marraige was supposed to be like". She didn't change and I started to have affairs. Finally it came to a head and we had a choice. Divorce or try a marraige councellor. We tried a marraige councellor. The woman took my side right down the line. My wife changed and we started to have sex much more often but to be honest, it was never enough for me and my wife never saw sex as play. She saw it as something she was supposed to do. I continued to have affairs but I was very discreet. So to make a long story short, you never know what you are in for by dating someone. Marriage changes everything.
 
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fcl responded:
OK, so sex suddenly stopped. Can you tie this in with an event in your husband's life? Change of job, bereavement, illness, etc? You say that he stresses about the household chores - can you tell us more about this? What was his home life like when he lived with this parents? Why should chores stress him out? (Stress is a HUGE libido killer.) Abbove all, stop thinking this is about you, it isn't. This is his problem and making it about you is only going to make you miss the real cause.

This is just off of the top of my head but ... is he worried about you getting pregnant? Could he be worried about the responsability of a baby? Could this be why he is looking for virtual sex rather than sex with you?

I'm glad you are going to see a counsellor. Will you keep us updated on how things are going?

Good luck.
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
 
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3point14 responded:
How long were you two together before you got married?