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boyfriend told me he doesn't really need sex...heartbroken...
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boohead85 posted:
I am really confused about how I should feel regarding this. My boyfriend was eating me out last night, and then I asked him to take his pants off so we could have sex. Well he for some reason couldn't really keep it hard. I was REALLY confused by this, and of course, I think it's me. I already feel like he isn't attracted to me like I feel like he should be. So he got frustrated, and stopped and said it was because of the pressure of sex that I have inadvertently put on him by some things I have said before. But we have had sex plenty of times since I said those things and everything was fine. So we of course got to talking, because all I can think is that it's me, and he just isn't attracted to me anymore, and doesn't want me. He keeps assuring me it isn't me, but I dont know what else to think. He finally broke down and told me that when he had moved out of state last year, that he didnt have sex with anyone because he didnt really have the time, and the only time he did was when he came back to see me. He said that he just got in the "habit" of not having sex, so he's okay with going long periods without it. So I said, well now you dont have to, and his response that what if he doesnt mind it, and doesnt need sex all the time? Well of course I appreciate that he doesnt just care about sex, but I thought this was a huge deal for guys. My ex had a huge problem with the fact that I didnt want it all the time. And now I do with my current boyfriend, and I can't get enough of him, and here he is telling me that he doesnt have to have it. That scares me, and makes me think horrible things. He says it's not me, and that he wouldnt be going somewhere else for it, but I dont get why he doesnt want it. I mean, c'mon. Am I the only one that sees a problem with this? I am so stressed and upset about this. I want him to want me ALL The time. I don't get this at all. I wish I hadn't pushed the sex thing last night, and this would have never come up and I would have never known this, and things would have been fine. I am so heartbroken. Sex isn't everything, but I do feel like men think it is, and I want to satisfy. I am so stressed out...please help!!!!
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georgiagail responded:
For heavens sake. There is no need to be stressed out and certainly no need to feel "heartbroken" over all of this.

Women need to get over the idea that all men are simply sex machines. Your boyfriend has told you he has experienced this before and feels comfortable going long periods without sex. You instantly assume it must have something to do with you. Well, it doesn't.

The entire ironic part of all of this is that you get upset despite the fact that he's (to put it in your very crude terms) "eating you out" when this discussion starts. If he did not find you attractive he would not want to provide oral sex on you.

Gail
 
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georgiagail replied to georgiagail's response:
"I want him to want me ALL the time".

This is an unrealistic expectation and one often felt by women who have low self-esteem.

Gail


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