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embarrassing situation in good relationship
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Anon_15713 posted:
I have been dating my bf for about a year, and intimate since April. Our sex life has been wonderful especially lately, as we have gotten very close. I won't get into the whole conversation that we had, but in the middle of it we got on the subject of "freshness" of the genitals. I jokingly asked him if I wasn't always fresh and he said "sometimes not as fresh as I would think." Well, now I'm totally taken aback because I've never been told that. I was married for a long time and my husband never complained...in fact, was always eager to be around the region..lol
I'm afraid I will always be self conscious going forward and won't be able to relax. He feels like an idiot for saying something and is very upset that I'm upset. He says that it was "maybe like one time" and that he loves having sex with me. That its not a big deal. I am aware that its normal to have not so fresh days but if it was "no big deal" than why would he have said something?
I love our relationship but I'm now very embarrassed. How do I get past this? I know that it's normal to not always be your freshest but I'm very clean and take care of the area, so it's not like I can do anything on my end to make me feel better. He's trying to reassure me now but its already in my head.
Thanks guys.
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georgiagail responded:
It's often best not to ask questions if there might be an answer you don't like.

Women (and I'm going to assume you are a female) tend to worry far too much about a scent that is very normal for us to have.

Your boyfriend has told you he loves having sex with you. If your scent was so offensive to him, he wouldn't want to be intimate with you.

Gail
 
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dfgbull responded:
The reason he said something was that you asked! As Gail has said don't ask if you don't want to hear the answer. Very likely he will now be afraid to be honest when the answer may cause a similar response (I speak from personal experience here). I know it is difficult but yu both need to get past this incident.
 
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Anon_4048 responded:
First of all, you should feel good that he was comfortable enough to say something. I know that my wife keeps herself clean too, but she is often not "fresh". I also know that if I ever said anything, there would be frequent reminders of my comment and I would feel guilty. So, I endure quietly. In our relationship, spontaneous sex is infrequent and I usually have 30 minutes or so as my wife prepares for bed and sex. I generally use that time to make sure that at least I am "fresh" by washing after urinating.
 
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dfromspencer responded:
You got what you asked for, an answer. Now you have to deal with it. He is being honest with you, its no big deal. Every woman i have been intimate with, has had an off day. Don't worry about it. Its nothing we guy's can't handle, usually. That means, as long as you take care down there, we will be happy to take care down there. So, get over it already!!!
 
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HeartlandGal responded:
Try to take comfort in the fact that your boyfriend isn't always at his freshest either, and it's probably something he worries a little bit about as well. It's just part of being human.
 
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blazz65 responded:
Hi, my husband has told me the same on occasion and it is embarrassing. However, I found that using a feminine wash helps to prevent "women" odors. Also, if you are using any type of soaps or body washes with a scent, that could be the problem too. We aren't suppose to use anything with a nice scent to it and we're not suppose to douche, especially before going to a doctor appt. Hope this helps!
 
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HAPPYtoBEwithYOU responded:
hi there, my husbend said some thing like that befor, and iam circumcised (actualy this is the worst thing a girl can have ,in our religion it is for males only , but people miss out and do it for girls) , what i want to say it is normal due to secretions women have , but we try our best to lessen it but we cant remove it at all, in our country we have "bakhor" a very nice smell home made into woods(sandal) cutted in small pieces once they are put on heater or coal they smoke out great smell when you stand above it it stik on you all night.
. dont feel bad it is natural!
 
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lauren243 responded:
My husband will tell me when I need to "freshen" and it doesn't bother me a bit. He is still willing to take care of business. What's important is that I don't get offended, I want him to be comfortable too. If that requires doing a freshining before getting things started then do it. Don't get upset about it.
 
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DolphinBaby1369 replied to lauren243's response:
I agree with most of you especially Lauren243 sometimes sex is spontaneous so you and your husband need to remember you wont always be fresh. if it bothers you shower before you get intimate or do it in the shower .
 
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tlkittycat1968 responded:
I asked my husband if there are times when my taste is stronger than other times and he said yes but he just uses extra saliva those day. I figure as long as he doesn't mind, it doesn't bother me. There are times when DH isn't as fresh as I'd like but as long as it isn't gross smelling (ie causing me to gag), I deal with it.


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