Skip to content
Never orgasmed with a partner before..
StacyVaughn posted:
This is a secret I have never told anyone before! I'd hate to hurt my partners ego, or sex become boring for them because I can't ever orgasm... I have had four sexual partners. I had one orgasm once when my ex went down on me, that was the first and last time (few years ago). I've been with my fiancé now for a couple years. We've done every position, foreplay, etc. it all feels good, there's been moments I thought "this is it! I could orgasm!" Butttt it never happens. He's not small, and definitely gives it his all. So I wonder if its a physical or mental problem on my part? I masterbate through clit stimulation and orgasm, so why can't I with my fiancé? I'm not sure if this is related or not but: I was sexually abused by my brothers. I'm not sure when it started, or stopped. I was about 2 probably when it started, and it stopped after I told my parents when I was 4 or so. I only remember a few things about it here and there, and had forgotten about it till I was 14.
dfgbull responded:
Most women either cannot orgasm, or have difficulty reaching orgasm through intercourse alone. For most, clitoral stimulation is required either with a finger,a tongue or ????.
dfromspencer responded:
I hope you are not over-thinking? Thinking about it happening, can sometimes delay, or even stop you from reaching orgasm. Try to relax, and just enjoy the moment. If that still does not work, then you will have to be honest with your partner. Once you explaine it to him, perhaps he can go down on you, till you climax, then he can have a go? It may be your only hope for achieving an orgasm? Most men want to ,or feel the need to, make his lady come. Don't dissapoint him, tell him what you need to acheive this orgasm, he'll be glad you did!

Good luck, Dennis
StacyVaughn replied to dfromspencer's response:
It is hard for me to relax and shut my brain off. I'm really self conscious and am constantly worried about what I'm doing, noises I'm making, and what I look like. There have been times I've been able to just let go and enjoy, but still never orgasmed. I would love to try more foreplay to help things along. But I've also been dealing with the issue of him never want to go down on me. So when he does its not very long, or great. I find it hard to enjoy that as well cause I know he doesn't want to, and I can tell. So It's kinda uncomfortable. I've tried asking him so many times, in so many different ways why this is. I'll make sure I'm shaved, out of the shower, I'll go down on him till he wants me to stop. I asked him if he just doesn't like the taste, smell, the action in general, etc. he claims there's absolutely no reason, and that he likes to. Yet he never does. So I don't know He doesn't know I've never orgasmed. I genuinely enjoy sex, so it's easy to just be loud and pretend it happened, so that's what I always do.
StacyVaughn replied to dfgbull's response:
He does usually rub my clit during intercourse. But it becomes so overwhelmingly sensitive I have to make him stop, or else I can't keep quiet. (We live with other people, and almost never have the house to ourselves).
dfromspencer replied to StacyVaughn's response:
Hi, Stacy

You have to tell this guy. If he never knows, how can he help you? Communication is the most important part of any relationship. Talk to him somewhere besides the bedroom. Tell him you have never had an orgasm, and ask him if he would be so kind as to help? Most men pride themselves on giving their lady an orgasm. He probably thinks he is? You have to tell him, so he, and you, can work together to achieve this.

You will have to guide him to what you want/like in bed. More foreplay could be the key? Ask him to go slow, and experiment.

I wish you the best, Dennis
StacyVaughn replied to dfromspencer's response:
Thanks! I'm not sure I know how to tell him. We've been sleeping together for a couple years, and I've never told him, and if he asked if I did orgasm, I'd tell him yes. I don't want to hurt his feelings, or him be upset that I lied about it for so long. I'm afraid that even if I told him, and we tried a little better, I still won't orgasm. I imagine that it would start to effect our sex life in a negative way, like he would be bored or unsatisfied at continuous failed attempts...

Helpful Tips

Difficulty having an orgasm?Expert
Try reading Becoming Orgasmic: A Sexual and Personal Growth Program for Women by Julia Heiman , Joseph Ph.D. LoPiccolo and David ... More
Was this Helpful?
6 of 9 found this helpful

Related Drug Reviews

  • Drug Name User Reviews

Report Problems With Your Medications to the FDA

FDAYou are encouraged to report negative side effects of prescription drugs to the FDA. Visit the FDA MedWatch website or call 1-800-FDA-1088.

For more information, visit Dr. Becker-Phelps' website