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Caught BF in Embarrassing Situation
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An_248474 posted:
Help!! BF and I have been together a year and a half. Pretty good sex life between us. He is a real nice, sweet, handsome guy. We've been living together for a year now and things have been wonderful so far. The problem is that I can home the other day early from work to surprise him - I was hoping we could have sex that afternoon. I opened the kitchen door and stepped into the bedroom and found him jumping out of bed wearing some of my clothes !! OMG total shock for the both of us. I asked him how long he's been doing this and he said since 13 years old, he's 24 now. Said he didn't now why just that it felt good and he likes to feel feminine sometimes. He's a regular guy and doesn't have many feminine traits or qualities. He is liberal on most issues and quite accepting of gays and lesbians. I know in my heart that he didn't choose to be like this. (I can't see why anyone would put themselves through ridicule like this)

I told him to stop doing this for now and I would do some research on this (transvestic fetishism or crossgender) . I'm wondering if I should invest anymore time into this relationship. Granted that everything was fine up to now but knowing what I know now has changed things. Part of me wants to pack up and run and the other part wants to see what he would look like really dressed up and how he would act at that point. I don;t want to be overly judgemental because I've kissed other girls and had sex with another woman a few times before I met him but I was kinda drunk at parties a few years back.

I'm just not sure of all the issues here. He says he doesn't want to be a girl though he has though about what it might be like. He says he's straight but he has thought about men sometimes. I've seen drag queens out at clubs before and no one seems to care that they really are men, then again most of them are really gay. Any suggestion on where to go from here ?? Any insights would be appreciated.
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fcl responded:
You are making an awful lot of assumptions here ... Your bf is simply a cross dresser (not a fetishist, not a future gender change, heck, not even a drag queen). That's all. It's pretty common among men and most of them say the same thing that he does, that it's because it feels good. Another thing is that the vast majority of cross dressers are straight.

OK, so what to do about it? Rather than treating this as a dirty habit, why not accept it and see where it leads you? Give it a try for a couple of months (make it clear to your bf that this is a trial only) and see how you feel at the end. You're always free to leave, after all Let your curiosity guide you...
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
 
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1nt3rnalc0mbu5t1on responded:
I would have to agree with FCL. Everyone has a mix of male/female to them, hence the ying/yang, some more than others. Given the both of your reactions, you can see why it is an awkward situation and in his defense, bring something like this up to his girlfriend, is not an easy conversation. He probably feels vulnerable and perhaps embarassed by this trait. There are many men out there that do this sort of thing and while most of them keep this secret from their S/O, some of them are open to sharing. The ones that do share and have a supportive spouse usually encorporate it into their sex lives and have a lot of fun. It doesnt need to be every time when you are intimate with each other, but every once and a blue moon why not? Many women, like a man with a sensitive side and find it extremely attractive, although this could be perseved as going a bit too far. He is just trying to express himself.

In your defense, I am sure this is not an easy thing to wrap your head around...You may be wondering if he is gay? Depending on the seriousness of your relationship, you could try to have a conversation about his "fetish". It wont be easy for him to open up, but if he knows he can trust you and that you are going to listen with an open mind and not run for the hills, you may be able to get a better understanding. The saying goes, "imitation is the greatest form of flattery", he probably loves women very much and admirers greatly. Most of the men who are crossdressers do what they do because it gets them very turned on, not because they want to be a woman and be with men. But because they enjoy the way the clothes feel against their skin. I am willing to bet that he may have a passion for you in lingerie/stockings, etc.

Like FCL said, give it a trial period and see where this goes, if your sex life was great before this could take it to a whole new level. If you are uncomfortable with it, thats okay too, just be honest with him and let him know, they are trying to understand. If at the end of your trial period, if you still feel awkward by his curiosity, you can both move on.

Best of Luck!

IC
 
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dfromspencer responded:
Like both responders before me, i have to agree with them. I am a macho sort of guy, yet i have tried on womens underwear on a couple of occasions. They not only feel nice against my skin, they seem to fit better too? That sure as hell don't make me gay! Or a cross dresser, or anything else, just a man that liked the feel. Your S.O. is probably the same, not gay. He is with you, right? He makes love to you like a man, right? Well then, you are blowing this way out of proportion!

Right now, he needs you to understand this other side of him. We all have female tendencies. Most of us will not act upon it, and that is a shame. Secret dressers fear being found out. So, if you love this guy, talk to him, and be supportive. Like internal said, you may have found a way to enhance your sex life?

Give it a try, don't be shy! Dennis
 
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An_248474 responded:
First of all, I wanted to say thanks for the responses to my problem. I guess this issue goes a lot deeper than I can get into here. i've done some research on this but found mostly porn. What i can tell you is that it's not just the clothes or fabrics. I guess for him it's the whole idea that this is stuff meant for women is what he enjoys. This is a difficult issue for me to understand but there seems to be a growing number of men that are coming out as transgendered. I don't see where the line is between exploration and fully embracing this as a lifestyle choice or even as a necessity. I do know that of all the men that i've been with, he is the kindest, most caring and sweetest guy that I know and i do love him very much, but this is a difficult road and a huge can of worms and i don't want to see him ruin his life or make choices that he won't be able to live with. I guess it's time for more homework, feels like i'm doing a term paper. thanks for the comments.
 
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An_246790 replied to An_248474's response:
I completely agree with all of the original posters.

I discovered a similar thing about my current boyfriend almost a year ago. I found that he had worn my panties all day and when I came home and found out that he was wearing them, we talked about it.

I know my boyfriend isn't transgendered and he isn't gay, he just likes the way wearing feminine things makes him feel. I would suggest trying to communicate with your boyfriend more rather than jumping to the conclusion that he's transgendered. Some men are into being feminine and feeling pretty.

I wouldn't jump to an automatic conclusion about your boyfriend just yet. I would advise that you talk more to him about it.

I honestly feel that you're overthinking this issue. If this is something that you can't look past because you feel that you can't trust him since he kept it from you, then that may be a larger issue than him actually participating in the act of wearing your clothes.

Also, as said by everyone else, maybe instead of making it out to be a bad thing, try it to spice up your sex life. You don't know that you won't like it until you give it a try!
 
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CindyME responded:
Thanks again. I;ve had some time to think about this. I guess it's not the end of the world and there are plenty of worse things out there. We had a long talk and some of my concerns have been eased. I guess that this does open the doors to a few fun possibilities. After doing some research, I've found that this isn't all that uncommon. I also guess that emulating women isn't such a bad thing after all. Here's a guy who really respects women. Hey if he wants to walk a mile in my shoes then so be it. Like the poster said below - immitation is the sincerest form of flattery. The weather is getting cold and I told him that he can manscape and shave if it will make him happy. I made him promise no outrageous outfits and told him he needs his own clothes. I found out that Halloween for crossdressers is like Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving, and the 4th of July all rolled into one. So change of costume this year. Wish us luck. PS Thanks for not judging him... I won't either.
 
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1nt3rnalc0mbu5t1on replied to CindyME's response:
Cindy,

Im glad that you two decided to talk things thru and he was able to put your mind at ease. I really doubt that he is transgendered, those issues usually stem from a very very young age. There are a ton of straight crossdressers out there, like Dennis said, most dont want to be found out because they are affraid that their SO wont understand. Being supportive of him is a huge step...for him and for your relationship, it builds so much trust. Hey and you might have gained a new shopping partner Have fun on halloween!
 
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dfromspencer replied to CindyME's response:
My Cindy, how you have grown? Good for you! You guy's had a good talk, and now you understand him so much better. I know he didn't do this just to flatter you, but he is a really nice guy. Nice guys are few and far between anymore. This guy probably treats you like a queen? Love him for that, love him for all he is, and he will love you more!

If ever you doubt, remember, he IS with you! He is not living with another man, therefore, he is not gay. Great! Now, this Holloween, completely dress him up as a woman. That means shaving, eyebrows, fingeer nails polished, toe nail polished, the whole nine yards. If you both do this together, you will be so much closer together. Embrace it, enjoy it!!!

Best of luck, to the both of you!

Dennis


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