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Too self concious to enjoy sex
StacyVaughn posted:
I'm 31 weeks pregnant. My fiancé had made remarks about my weight gain that I've been trying to push out of my mind till the baby comes. But it has made me even more self concious than I already was, and I'm finding it hard to enjoy sex. He's now in one of his moods when he wants to get down and dirty, but my self drive is shot. I want to enjoy it, but I think about sex= thinking about my body= turn off, Tips thoughts or advice? It's a bummer, I know I won't be able to have sex here soon after the baby comes, and I can't enjoy it before the baby comes! Gr, frustrating.
fcl responded:
Given what you've told us here and on the othe board about your relationship with your bf, I think it's time you stopped focussing on what he wants and start concentrating on what you want. He wants you to be a sex kitten when he had crushed your self-confidence on numerous occasions? He is just reaping what he sowed ... Does he even want a sex kitten or does he just want to get his jollies (yet again) without bothering to take care of your needs?

If you don't feel like having sex (especially on his terms) then don't.

If he took the time to turn you on properly, made love to you, I'm pretty sure you'd respond and you'd find that your sex drive isn't shot. However, I can quite understand that if he wants the full sex experience while not making the slightest effort to pleasure you especially after making fun of your weight well ... who would want that?

Like I said, put yourself first
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
jss123 responded:
I honestly don't understand some men.
How can you make fun of your partner's weight or other physical features and then expect them to be sexy and turned on for you when you are horny.

I'm always telling my wife how sexy/beautiful she is.
If she got pregnant and gained a lot of weight I would tell her exactly the same.
StacyVaughn replied to fcl's response:
Thank you, you're right. He had one of his brief moments of wanting to please me, and actually foreplaying- etc. So I tried to enjoy it while it lasted, cause I know those moments are few and far between, but it was too hard to really enjoy it.
dfromspencer responded:
Hi, Stacy

I am going with what FCL said, think about yourself for once! After all he has said and done, i cannot believe you would even want to have sex with that man?

But, if thats what you want, then STOP thinking! Every time you think about his stupid comment on your weight, you will get turned off! Instead, think about the pleasure you are going to have. Think about anything other than this guy, you know, fantisize? If you think Brad Pitt is sexy, then make love to Brad Pitt. Get it?

I still can't believe you would want to have sex with someone who does not love you? I have not had sex for 18 yrs. now. I want to be in love with a woman, and therefore, make love to a woman. Not just have sex for sex's sake, you know?

Good luck, Stacy!

StacyVaughn replied to dfromspencer's response:
Thanks. The way I see it though, if I'm going to try to make it work through at least the pregnancy with him, I'm still going to want to get it from somewhere. It's too difficult to cheat, and I wouldn't want to especially with our child in my tummy. Do I really want to with him? No. But I want to still have sex. My drive is too high to try and go a long time without.

On another note, his comments about my weight have been brought up again, and I was actually able to speak my mind a little better. I told him any ounce of self esteem I did have, I now don't. And that I'm not sure what to think about "us" anymore. He than had read one of his friends Facebook statuses were she was taing about how she took her hubby to the playboy mansion. Even though she's pregnant and "fat" and he was surrounded by naked playboy bunnies, he still only had eyes on/for her. He said it made him feel less of a man. As it should.
dfromspencer replied to StacyVaughn's response:
Hi, Stacy

Absolutely! If a man loves a woman, he should only have eyes for her! Men, myself included, will always "look" at other women, but if we are in love with one, we will never stray. And when we love someone unconditionally, we give them our all, respect, admiration, loyalty, Etc., Etc....

Your man calling you names, shows a lack of respect, and very little, if any, love. But, if you still feel you have to have your sex, then at least pretend its with someone who does love you, for you. Hopefully, this will get you past any negative thoughts that destroy sex drive?

Good luck, Stacy! I wish you all the best in life, Dennis

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