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How do I tell my wife I am giving up on our sex life?
An_248861 posted:
I have been married to my wife for 10 years. In that 10 years we have not had a very active sex life. I have asked, begged, and pleaded with her to at least try to take some interest in our sex life. I found out she had 3 affairs a few years ago and during an extremely difficult time I decided to give our relationship another chance. We have sex maybe once a week, and this is after I ask, and ask, and ask. She doesn't believe there is a problem even though I have let her know time and time again I am not happy with our sex life. Nothing is ever convenient for her, there is no "flirting" allowed and we do not even mention sex at all, even jokingly. I am at the point where in order to have a fulfilling sex life I have been thinking about going outside our marriage. I am at the end of my rope but I still Love her very much. What can I do to help her understand how I feel?
georgiagail responded:
It sounds like you've done all you can. Do you believe professional counseling may help?

You might consider discussing an open marriage situation with her although frankly, it might be questioned that a partner who has cheated by having three affairs in a 10 year marriage doesn't seem to have much interest in their spouse.

An_248861 replied to georgiagail's response:
I have thought about an open marriage and even mentioned it. She never really answered me. I don't believe professional counseling will change anything. It is just her attitude towards me because I saw the e-mails back and forth between her and 2 of the guys she cheated with. She is very much capable of giving attention and flirting. Her e-mails even in some wicked way turned me on though they were written to someone else. I know I seem like a sad individual for allowing her to take me for granted.
fcl replied to An_248861's response:
She doesn't believe there is a problem and you don't think there is any point in counselling so what does that leave you? Continuing to let her treat you like this until you go beyond what you can take (and imagine what kind of a state you will be in then) or leave her and go and be happy with someone else. Try to imagine yourself in another 10 years. How do you see yourself? Still hoping things will change or in a different life entirely?
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
georgiagail replied to An_248861's response:
It sounds like your wife has lost both respect and desire for you and, quite frankly, doesn't particularly care what you wish in terms of intimacy with her.

You may be a sad individual but you also sound like a bit of a hopeful one; unfortunately, from your description, there doesn't seem to be much hope for intimacy in your marriage since your partner has responded to your requests with no enthusiasm to change.

onesmartperson responded:
An_248861..pardon me for saying this...but 3 affairs a few years ago!!! No wonder she has no interest in having a sex life with you...she was to busy having it with everybody else...and from the sounds of this...she might be having affair #4 as we begged, pleaded rolled over and played dead...are you nuts or something???? Why in the world would you do that??? If you have to say all of the above and more just so your "wife" can show an interest in having sex with got problems, my friend....BIG PROBLEMS...first off, this is emotional abuse and emotional abandonment....pretty good grounds for divorce...should it come to that...and it's not that she doesn' believe there's a problem...she KNOWS there's a problem...and she doesn't care....which again...leads me to believe that she's up to her old tricks ( no pun intended) again...I hope not, for your sake...I woulda been gone after her first affair....let alone her third...desperate times call for desperate measures...tell Miss no uncertain terms..that unless things in her starting to take your feelings into consideration and that she be willing to work at you marriage...then maybe a seperation would be in order...shake her up a little...maybe that's what she needs...a seperation is not necessarily a bad just might do the trick....stay strong...stick to your guns and don't weaken...cause no mattter what you decide to do...if you go back on it and she sees that you did...your a dead matter what else you do or say after that...won't matter 'cause she'll know that you won't mean it...Good Luck

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