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Getting ready for intimacy in new relationship
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misschoochoo posted:
I'm 66 and going with a guy my age. The relationship is getting very serious, and we will probably want to be intimate in time. I haven't had sex for some 20 years, but I have been using a vibrator and a dildo since I recovered from Vaginismus (vaginal spasms). I have a high sex drive, but it takes a lot of hard stimulation to the clitoris for me to have a climax. I'm concerned that I won't be able to climax with him without this kind of stimulation. Is there a way to wean yourself off a vibrator so you can have a climax the natural way? Should I see a sex therapist before we get intimate? Thank you for any helpful suggestions.
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StacyVaughn responded:
The great thing about sex with a partner, is I find it more enjoyable cause I actually have an emotional connection with them. It's not uncommon for women to need more clitoris stimulation in order to climax. Be open with him while your in the moment. Or as you two sleep together more and more, give him some direction as you go along. And of course if he's doing something you like, make it loud and clear While he's in you, if he's not already, rub your clit and maybe he'll catch on. If not, place his hand there.
 
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dfromspencer responded:
Hi, Miss ChooChoo

I agree with Stacy, you need to try it first, with him. If it doesn't work out, you will have to talk to him. We men do not always get you, so be clear in what you want. If he is a man, he will want to please you, before he pleases himself.

Another thing, you sound as if you might overthink? You are worried over this stimulation, relax, when the time comes, just relax, and let it happen. Enjoy the sex, you haven't had it for a long time. Hopefully, it will be amazing, like the first time?

Best of luck to you!
Dennis
 
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misschoochoo replied to StacyVaughn's response:
Thanks for the reply, Stacy. I'll be honest with him and show him where to touch me. I'm just concerned because I was married twice and never did orgasm with either husband, in a total of 21 years. My first husband was afraid of me getting pregnant, and he couldn't last more than 2 minutes. He always wore a condom and for extra safety would come outside me. I was frustrated for 18 years. I was afraid of my 2nd husband, and he finally raped me so I wouldn't ask for sex ever again. We divorced after only 3 years. I have finally met a real man who is loving and considerate. My doctor tells me that I'll have no physical problem having sex, so I'm looking forward to it. I know he will be patient and won't be asking me every 5 seconds if I've come or not (2nd husband). I'll just have to experiment with him to find the right spot. Thanks again for your response.
 
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fcl replied to misschoochoo's response:
If this can ease your mind a little, the "official" statistics are that 70% of all women need clitoral stimulation to orgasm. That places you well within the norm, right? Now, you say you've found a man who is loving and considerate - I reckon that means he'll likely know what you need (but don't let that stop you encouraging him). You've found a good one , lucky thing that you are! Enjoy!
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.


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