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confused at boyfriends porn choice
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rwood1987 posted:
I have been in a committed relationship with my boyfriend for almost 3.5 years and did not know he was consistently watching porn until a few months ago. I at first reacted immaturely assumed he was more attracted to nasty porn stars than me when in reality every guy watches porn.

However, the odd/concerning part is that the only porn he seemed to be watching was anal sex. We do not have anal sex and from what he has said, he has absolutely 0 urge to have anal sex. I guess I am at a loss, I am not sure if men watch porn that is interesting but they would never do or if my boyfriend will not open up about what he does want sexually. Sex typically hurts for me so we don't have it that often, but I still find this to be confusing. If anyone has any advice or help it would be much appreciated!

~*R*~
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tlkittycat1968 responded:
Some people (men & women) enjoy viewing porn that has situations that they never want to do. For example, I like viewing porn with two men and one woman but that doesn't mean I actually want to experience that (I don't).
 
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hairyd responded:
R, tonight tell him you want anal sex Do not accept NO.. After 3 years a differant position would feel good. Use alot of lube and you back to his penis slowly. After a few months choose if you want to continue. Not because of porn because you want him in you. Enjoy the sex.
Kcat, you know the two men; therefore ask them. Your agree it's double the pleasure. Yes more Sex; not the same has making love with one man.
Always remember your penis is unique, just like every man.
 
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tlkittycat1968 replied to hairyd's response:
What if she doesn't want to have anal sex? Not everyone does.

I would never invite a 3rd person into the bedroom whether they're male or female. I do not like to share and neither does my husband.
 
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rhondamay replied to hairyd's response:
A little over the top Hairy! Are you now the sex instructor or the stage director?
 
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hairyd replied to rhondamay's response:
I prefer to be the leading male actor in a live production. But I have had a stint as instructor which requires a good dicktor
Sex should ALWAYS be over the top. Her on top then him on top. Turn her anyway but loose. Put it anywhere make scream for more

Anal sex is not for everyone. But do it for 7 times or more then choose. As a child you may have prefer only desserts; but you learned to eat meat and vegeables.

If your husband is one of the male you selected. He has to agree. But if you select the right males. You want be sharing..... Your raging body will be recieivng all the peaks of your muplily organism. After the climax your husband will not think of it as sharing. He will be glad his erection had part in your body's explosion. This should be dessert not a daily meal.
Always remember your penis is unique, just like every man.
 
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Ironheart responded:
Pornography is not a unidirectional influence. People view porn that arouses them. However, the Wilson principle predicts that the interest in any sexual activity will wane as the consumption increases. So ... men (and women) watch porn they like, but the availability of porn can influence - what we like. I caution my (college) students about this - and the potential to become attracted to more dangerous versions of sexuality.

That said, anal sex is not far from the mainstream anymore. I he is viewing anal sex, then he has some interest in it. he may simply think you will judge him negatively for saying it.

People watch threesomes because they are interesting. However, fears (legitimate and otherwise) are the biggest factors keeping them from trying it.

Men view more visual porn than women. If the women in their lives really wanted to understand their man's interests, she would spend some time perusing his entire collection.

Men should spend time understanding their woman's sexual interests - or simple romantix interests.

Nobody should engage in sexual behavior they find repulsive, but both might try to keep an open mind and find things to do which better explore available possibilities.

With out this, sex WILL become rote and uninteresting. At that point the interest level in porn or (romance novels, etc.) goes way up. Porn as a replacement for a partner is not healthy. Porn as an exploratory device is.

By the way, we did research on why men enjoy certain porn. What emerged as the number one factor, even edging out physical attractiveness of the stars, was the degree to which they believed the star was 'into' what she was doing, and 'into' her male counterpart. Follow-up with the participants who volunteered to be interviewed, suggests that many men fantasize about being 'wanted' or 'craved' actively, rather than feeling like they were being 'serviced'.
 
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Ironheart responded:
Let me add one more thing ... we were also able to determine that it is the consumer's BELIEF about what is happening in the porn that is more important that the actual situation. For example, their are pron styles like mom/son and dad/daughter. If her has this in his collection, it does not mean he has any interest in incest (although it does not exclude this). He may be fantasizing about these two people role playing. Once again, the biggest attractor is the perceived level of DESIRE, not necessarily what they are doing.
 
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Ironheart responded:
I ignored you incidental comment about pain. Sex should not be painful. There are numerous potential reasons for pain during sex, some are phyisical female health issues, some are psychological health issues and some are simple mechanics.

It is important to ensure that you do not have underlying reproductive health issues - pain can be an indicator depending on the nature of the pain. (e.g., endometriosis, etc.)

A (not-UNcommon) psychological health issue is called vaginismus. This is usually in young women, but involves the involuntary contraction of the muscles of the outer third of the vagina. This is usually a reflection of anxiety and may be felt as seveve pain - or pressure pain (like 'I am just too small'). There are easy relaxation and arousal techniques (which require partner understanding) to get past this. It need not be a continuing problem.

The physical mechanics issue can be a male partner with a large penis or a female partner with a shallower vagina. Some men do not understand that a large penis can actually bump into their partners cervix and cause pain - especially if the woman is not aroused sufficiently to reposition the uterus and effectively elongate the vagina. The 'well-endowed' man can learn about this - but women should communicate, even during sex.

As a young man (with a large penis) having sex with young women, I did not understand this - and my partners were not bold enough to tell me (I guess). My wife corrected this ignorance for me (before we were married). We can find all sorts of positions now that do not cause any pain at all.

Sex should not be painful.


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