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How long does it take for sex to feel good?
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An_249420 posted:
I am one of those rare people you hear about who waits to have sex until marriage. Well, we didn't quite make it to marriage but you get the point. Anyway, my fiancé and I started having sex about a month ago and although most of the initial pain has gone away, it still isn't very pleasurable for me. We'll both be really into it, but I won't even come close to having an orgasm. Although I have been a virgin most of my life, I have been pretty consistently masterbating (mostly vibrators) since I was 12 and have no problem orgasming there. After a month of trying different positions, angles and foreplay, Im beginning to wonder if Im missing something or if there is something is wrong with me. I knew that it wouldn't be great the first couple of times, but I thought Id at least be able to get something out of it by now, and my fiancé is beginning to worry if we'll ever be able to both orgasm during sex. Do any of you have any tips or personal experience that could help me? I really want to love having sex with my future husband.
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tlkittycat1968 responded:
You're normal. Up to 70% of women can't orgasm during intercourse as that doesn't provide the clitoral stimulation they need. Since you already know a vibrator works for you, how about using one during sex?
 
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misschoochoo responded:
I read an interesting article in the May 2011 issue of Cosmopolitan magazine (pg. 148), that discusses the "CAT" position (Coital Alignment Technique) that increases a woman's chance for orgasm by 56 percent after about 3 weeks. The basic premise of this is that the man's pubic bone makes constant contact with the woman's clitoris, and the couple makes a rocking motion, instead of thrusting. There's probably been more info about this since this article. I'm going to try it with my boyfriend when we're ready to have sex. Hope this helps.
 
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fcl replied to misschoochoo's response:
That's actually pretty logical because the woman would be getting clitoral stimulation.

OP - have you tried showing him how you masturbate? Show him what it takes, where you need to be touched, how you like to be touched so that he can take his cue from that.
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
 
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bob249 responded:
Just want to put in my 2 inches ... er ... cents

Many women, including my partner, believe that sex should conclude with intercourse and orgasms at that time.

She actually asks me to stop performing oral on her when she gets close - and have intercourse then. I'm a bit disappointed that I've been unable to add more variety to our intimacy.
BTW, clitoral stimulation is almost always required for her to attain orgasm.

You have practice & success taking care of yourself. The downside is that, at least initially, that's what your body is ready to react to.

As FCL suggested, why not add your toy(s) to lovemaking?
If you're concerned that he might question the need, bring it up in conversation first.

Also consider the vibrator will be stimulating him at the same time. Since he is also concerned, it is quite likely he will be receptive to additions that make sex more fun - for both of you.

Good Luck!
 
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21finish responded:
It will feel good when you relax, talk, laugh, share and continue to "practice." Sex is not like riding a bicycle; you can't just start doing it and be good in a couple of weeks. Slow down in your lovemaking sessions, take plenty of time for explore each other, tell each other what does or doesn't work, tell each other when you can't hold off any longer and then proceed in a loving way - not like two dogs in heat. And after your lovemaking is completed, cuddle up, hold each other, and forget about jumping up to do anything else for a while. Enjoy the feelings. You will soon learn to feel good.
 
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w8n4him replied to 21finish's response:
I agree with 21. Also maybe you both would benefit using a P.R.? It's a vibrator that goes over his penis. Try going shopping for some toys together, even if it's online. You can get a lot of information also. You are normal and a climax is not always needed if you enjoy the intimacy. Keep trying to relax your feelings and tighten those muscles involved in love-making. If you are worried about having a climax, chances are you won't have one. Relax and enjoy what feels good, most importantly, keep a line of communication going in and out of the bedroom. If you only talk about it in the bedroom you are robbing yourselves of a chance to learn something new.
 
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dfromspencer responded:
It sounds like you are worrying first? Stop worrying, and enjoy the moment. Anything on your mind prior to sex, get rid of it. Think only of how good it feels.

Remember this, you have to teach him what you like in bed. He is probably like the rest of us men, we are not mind readers. Talk to him, and make sure he talks to you.

Relax, enjoy!!!

Dennis


Helpful Tips

Difficulty having an orgasm?Expert
Try reading Becoming Orgasmic: A Sexual and Personal Growth Program for Women by Julia Heiman , Joseph Ph.D. LoPiccolo and David ... More
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