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Swinging
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Xena2115 posted:
Hi, Im 23 years old And I have been dating my boyfriend for about a year and a couple months now, so the relationship is fairly new. He has already made up his mind that he wants to try the swinging lifestyle together...me on the other hand does not. I can't think of sex as just sex. Sex with him means alot to me and I wouldn't want him sharing that with anyone else. I am torn on what to do because I would like to compromise to make us both happy. He says if I should try it and not like it then he would appreciate the effort and take it for what it is so parts of me feels that I should educated myself, read up on it and perhaps try something different and the other part of my feels disgusted and confused. It makes me feel even more insecure like something is wrong with our sex life. He loves the sex, has never cheated but he is just a sexual person and is lot more open than I. I do not know what to do. This isn't something that's gonna happen overnight but something he feels strongly about. I love him and care about him so what should I do. We have to put more time into our relationship I feel first and make it stronger but should I try something I am not sure about? Should I walk away? Please help.
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BalconyBelle responded:
Unfortunately...there's not a way to compromise and allow either of you to swing in a manner that will let you be happy given the way you feel. What you might consider doing is watching adult films together, bringing toys/roleplay into the bedroom, or going to a swingers meeting to watch the other couples--but make a firm agreement before hand that watching is ALL you'll be doing with other people; keep sex between the two of you.

If all he wants is to try something a little more adventurous, a few movies, toys, and a some voyeurism with willing participants could come in handy. If he's truly not interested in monogamy anymore, but you are...that's when decisions need to be made. Being a 'sexual person' is no excuse to try pressuring your partner into swinging--or anything else they don't want to do. If he just mentioned this in passing, let him know your feelings on the subject (you don't want to), and let the matter drop. If you think you'd enjoy/be interested in trying out the compromises I mentioned above, feel free to tell him that--but make it very clear where you draw the line and stick to it.

Compromise and communication are definitely key to any relationship...but at the same time, there's no point in having a relationship with someone if you'll be forced to compromise who you are; and what you know you need to be happy. Monogamy isn't for everyone---neither is swinging. It sounds like you already know which side of the issue you fall on. DO NOT DO THIS if the only reason you'd consider it is to make him happy.
http://erynlockhart.wordpress.com
 
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Xena2115 replied to BalconyBelle's response:
Thank you so very much. We spoke about it again and the issue was dropped for now. I am willing to try watching the adult films with the use of toys, I have educated myself about swinging and I wouldn't even want to watch another couple have sex yet, unless it is an adult film. I will take your advice, very well said.
 
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beautifully_made243 responded:
If he can't except the fact that you don't want too you don't need him. If he loved you he wouldn't wanna share you.
 
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dfromspencer responded:
Hi Xena,

You need to explain that to your boyfriend. You need to make your feelings about this clear. If you don't want to, or you are not sure, don't! Remember, this is your body, and if you try this swinging thing, YOU are the one who has to live with it for the rest of your life!!!

Communication is the key to a happy, successful relationship.

Compromise is good, but not for everything!!!

If he really needs to swing, to stay sexually satisfied, then you should think of walking away now, instead of after you put more into this relationship. Just my thinking.

I hope you do the right thing for you, and not for him. This is something you will have to live with. I could never do something like that! I believe that if you are with someone, YOU are with that someone, and not a THIRD party!!!

Good luck!!!

Dennis


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