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Low sensitivity, help me help my husband.
t2s3fm posted:
I'm in a great marriage with a great man, but there's an elephant in the room. He has a tremendous sex drive, but can't orgasm without significant effort. Earlier in the marriage he used to watch a lot more porn and masturbate more often whenever I didn't want sex, but now our libidos are a much closer match. However, the amount of work we have to do to get him to release is kind of silly. About a third of the time, we call it off because we're too hot and sweaty and sore to continue. Sensitizing creams seem like an option, but I'm concerned about their effects on me (for example, something as innocuous as self-heating lube is highly irritating to my internal tissue).

He does lead a high stress, low sleep life (military) that can't be helped, but eats very well and exercises regularly. Any advice or humorous tips are very much appreciated. I love my husband and his little head, and want him to enjoy our sex as much as I do. It breaks my heart a little every time he can't come to orgasm.
blake_valentine responded:
Two suggestions: 1) I only recently tried using a vibrating c* ring just to kind of spice things up a little. Thought it would enhance things for my wife, but she is a little too traditional to want to use. I however loved it! Definitely made things better for me. You might also try having sex in places that are unusual and slightly dangerous...backseat at park, say.
stevesmw responded:
The first question I have is does he really enjoy intercourse?
The second question is can he orgasm rather easily by other means?

There are three issues for men; ED, premature ejaculation and diifficulty orgasming. I would take door #3 every time.
Watching sex in the movies; kissing, simultaneous orgasms is mainly a myth.

Many women can't orgasm from straight intercourse and some men can have the same problem.Couples sex is about pleasing your partner. My first long term partner said she couldn't orgasm though intercourse (which later in our relationship proved to be incorrect). When we made love I followed her instructions as to what pleased her so that she had a nice orgasm and then she would please me.
We've fallen asleep having intercourse and I wakened later still inside her. That's a real turn on. Orgasms for most men are no big deal, since we can have one fairly easily masturbating.

Your husband is stressed and stressed about orgasming and that makes things difficult. My problem when I first started making love was orgasming to quickly. I found that the longer I could last without orgasming, the less sensitive my penis would get so that I could last as long as I wanted.

My wife, my second partner can have hundreds or orgasms over an hour of love making (very gentle movement with a lot of lubricant). I can feel them and would rather have that experience than me orgasming after 10 minutes or so. In fact If I don't orgasm at all, I've had a great time.

Each partner is responsible for their own orgasm and the best they can do is have their partner try to please them.
dfromspencer responded:
I have the same problem, but for different reasons. I have chronic pain, and take morphine to dampen it. Morphine can, and will make it harder for a person to orgasm. At first, it was fine, i had some intense orgasms. After awhile, i noticed it got harder, and harder to orgasm. I found that i was gripping way too hard, and ruined my sensativity. Perhaps your husband needs a firmer hand, so to speak? Maybe he isn't feeling you like he used to? Try different possitions, and sexy talk. Try dressing sexy, or meeting him at the door sans clothes? Try the suggestion of the park, somewhere there is a chance of being cought? That is a huge turn on for most.

Good luck!!!

t2s3fm responded:
Thanks for the tips, I do appreciate the feedback! We had a chance to talk about this, which seemed harder for him than I anticipated, but got through it with some good information that I needed to hear. We already have a pretty spicy house (though more lingerie is always a plus!)... it turns out I was actually sabotaging his orgasm by "taking my time" with him in foreplay. Knowing this completely and immediately changed the way I handle him, and I'm no longer so insecure about him not being able to come. Now it's just a matter of practice and experimenting until we find good timing. Thanks again for your input guys, it's great to have this line of discussion available!
dfromspencer replied to t2s3fm's response:
We are glad you are here! Please feel free to keep us informed, or not. It is entirely up to you, but we would love it if you could!

Wishing you all the best!!!!


Helpful Tips

Difficulty having an orgasm?Expert
Try reading Becoming Orgasmic: A Sexual and Personal Growth Program for Women by Julia Heiman , Joseph Ph.D. LoPiccolo and David ... More
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