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How do I know if my bf is depressed or just a jerk?
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An_250012 posted:
Since, July of this year my bf has been laid off. It was nice at first but he began to change. Our relationship has changed. The last time I can remember being happy was in October. We have many ups and downs lately, fighting has been more frequent, he starts more fights and blames them on me. He will also try to make it appear that I started a fight when I didn't.

The real issue is our lack of a sex life. We live 50 minutes away from each other. Sometimes, its hard to see each other if we are busy. In a normal week we see each other 3-4 times a week. Lately, if we have sex once a week that's a lot. A few times we have gone without sex for 3 weeks. I feel like I have to pressure him into having sex. He won't say sometimes that he doesn't feel like it. I don't understand why... Other times he says "I'm tired" or "my back hurts"... anyway I feel like I'm being rejected. The worst is sometimes he can't keep it up. I find this really hard to take. I try not to take it personally, recently I have put on 15lbs so I'm wondering if that has anything to do with it. I have put a lot of research into male depression. I'm trying to be supportive, I tell him I love him, how much I care about him, trying to get him to talk more about his day ect.. It seems like he deflects my efforts and affection. I'm trying not to take it personal. I can't help it sometimes. Sometimes, I wonder if I'm giving too much and he doesn't have depression...maybe he's just a jerk. I have tried everything to get to make our relationship stronger and too keep the flame going. I don't know how to feel about this part of me thinks he's depressed vs. the other half who thinks he's being a jerk and might not really care about me or the relationship like he says. I feel so distant from him sometimes.

Also, I recently fell on the ice a injured my back. When I tell him I'm in pain he's unresponsive. Doesn't say anything too me. I'm not begging for sympathy or looking for him help me. It would be nice if he acknowledge me. I don't know if it is related to his "depression". I fell into a dark place one time and I try to remember what it was like. I was selfish, didn't care about other people, had a hard time expressing myself or I was over-reactive. I don't know if it different for men... I'm really trying to fix this and not walk out on him (we have had other issues as well). Sometimes he's "normal" and other times he's hard to read, unresponsive and lacks a sex drive.

I know he's going through a lot but I am making too many excuses for him or is he depressed?
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