My Girlfriend Thinks I should want to have sex more than I do...
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Shrek949 posted:
I am 35 yrs old and my GF is 26. She thinks I should want to have sex more, but the truth is she doesn't go about it the right way. I have just list my company and my parents are counting on me to help with bills. She is always putting me down and never listens to me nor does she support me the way I need support. I don't mean financial support but just reassurance and confidence that I will make everything okay. She drinks every night and says very degrading things every time she drinks. Then after all the negative comments and degradation she wants to know why I am not in the mood to have sex. I have never had a problem before being in the mood for sex with past relationships but with this one she doesn't make me feel sexy. Even while have sex she will make a rude comment that I am not doing something right. What can I do to get in the mood again and want to have sex even if she makes me feel terrible about myself? Please give me any advice so I know what I am doing is right or wrong.
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fcl responded:
Why do you want to have sex with someone who makes you feel bad about yourself? She is unsupportive, drinks too much and is mean when she's drunk. You're under a lot of pressure just now and don't need this extra source of stress.

My advice is to raise your standards, break up with her, get your life back on track and, when you feel good about yourself again, then find someone who has the same goals as you and who is worthy of your attention. Don't waste any more time.
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
 
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georgiagail replied to fcl's response:
The only thing you are doing wrong is having anything to do with this person.

Gail
 
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An_250124 responded:
My nature is to see the good in people and her core is good. I know that things are hard right now and I am always thinking that what I can handle as stress might be too much for her, but if I was doing well again and could take care if everything she will be the person I fell in love with again. I feel like I am captain save a hoe! I know she is not happy about the way she acts and in the morning she is back to normal. I am just so confused on what the right thing to do is and I know she is battling her own demons. If I had her problem I would hope she would not bail on me. Ugh! Thank you for the advice and it is good to hear what other people think.
 
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georgiagail replied to An_250124's response:
???"I feel like I am captain save a hoe"?????

?What?

Gail
 
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lissmeanstrouble responded:
Break up with her before she gets knocked up and you cant!
I am 24 and my man is 34 and I dont drink around him anymore cause I know I act up when Im drunk. If she complains and complains but doesnt see her own faults, she has to go go go.
My brother is 30 and got his 19 yr old GF preggo within a month, she acts the same way as yours does, and he cant get rid of her now they have the baby, he would lose his baby boy too, and he dont want that.
Im sure you could find a nicer girl
 
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j5dc2 responded:
What are you waiting for to let her go? please find someone who appreciates you and make her happy! let this piece of trash go the way she deserves!
 
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tboling responded:
Walk away. Find someone who has the same values that you have. Someone who has the same goals and ambitions. Someone who believes the same thing you believe. You want a girl who is going to commit to you 110% just like you are going to commit to her 110%. Anything less is a losing proposition. It's going to hurt, she's going to be a witch about it, but you have a business, commitments, and major obligations to be concerned about. If she spends her time downing you, then that is just one thing you need to remove.
 
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DWGMG responded:
Men aren't intimated by strong women - just annoyed by weak immature females with big mouths. You are 35 which puts you in a maturity position to truly understand you have a very weak and immature female who's mind is child like and she hasn't grown up yet. Just by the way you are writing I can tell that you know you have to tell her to go back to High School and grow up, maybe try growing up again. Women talk about men being childish, but when you watch and listen to the way females look, act and talk, they stopped maturing at puberty and they want to look and act and talk like characters on commercials or in TV shows or sitcoms. I met too many of them who I almost let them ruin my life and when I was your age I finally met the most intelligent, mature quiet and shy lady that respected me and loved me and we don't rule each other but enjoy each other and help each other all the time. The one you have absolutely will cheat on you if she already hasn't, lie to you, divorce you, blame you and want you to pay alimony because you seem weak to her just because you don't want to be alone and you, to not be alone, right there in front of you right now is a female taking up and wasting space in your life let alone wasting all the time in your life. Better to be lonely now then be divorced to her and pay her alimony as she is with other guys anyway and you are still lonely later and heaven forbid you get baby's involved!
 
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MarkedMan replied to DWGMG's response:
You want to get in the mood for this woman ... why?
She's not a nice person.
You will not end up with this woman in the end.
She doesn't respect you.

Dump her ... with extreme prejudice!!

MM
 
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masapel responded:
She doesn't respect you! Plain and simple! For someone to act the way you're stating she's acting, even in bed......there's a problem. 26 or 106 you deserve respect and if you're not getting it from her, which it seems you're not, you need to move on to someone who will! Just like women, we don't have to take any type of abuse from a partner. You can do much better and also, you don't need anyone else to champion your accomplishments. It's nice but not necessary since you can do it yourself! Find the person who wants to be with you and who will respect you and share these new life goal with her. Hope this helps a little.
 
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beentheredonethat responded:
Let this one go - and as soon as possible. I went through the very same thing with a woman who was abusive and volatile when drinking but great company when sober.

Believe me, it is only going to get worse unless she does something about her drinking. It is like being in a war zone at the flick of a switch.

Get out now and thank your lucky stars that you have washed your hands of this disaster waiting to happen.

She is TOXIC! Run...
 
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An_250288 responded:
Shrek949: It is almost impossible to feel sexy or want to have any sex with all that is going on in your relationship. When things are so bad and your companion does not cooperate, but instead puts you down and degrades you, there is not much you can do, but stand up for your rights and have a heart to heart talk. If this continues, get out of it.
I'm curious as to why you put up with this or continue in this absurd relationship. If you get used to it, the cycle will be harder to break and she will expect you to stay in the relationship and put up with it.
The way I see it, it is out of your hands. If she does not compromise to support your needs and desires, then get out of the relationship.
Why does she drink every night? Is it to get the courage to put you down? Or is it that she has any other issues that are pushing her to drink. Why are you responsible to help your parents? Do you live with them, are they ill? Maybe you are working long hours, and not paying attention to her.
Think of all this and decide if this is what you want, and if is not, then get out of it! Once these type of problems arise they have to be addressed almost immediately because the further they go unaddressed, the worse they can get and it turns the relationship sour. To have a good relationship both parties must be willing to work towards resolving any problems you are having.
Talking to your girlfriend is the first thing you should do and if this does not work, get out and find someone willing to treat you like you want to be treated and deserve to be treated. You can also get professional help with a counselor or a Psychologist, or your church priest or minister. Good luck on whatever you do.
 
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dfromspencer responded:
Hi Shrek

The first thing you need to do is, TALK TO HER!!! Communication is an absolute must! Do it when she's sober. Try to have an even, equal non agressive talk. Tell her in no uncertain terms, how you feel about her drinking, and how she treats you while she's drinking. Tell her she needs to support you in everything you do, and that you support her in everything she does now, or will do. A partnership is supposed to be a 50/50 propossition!

She needs help with her drinking, appearently? Try to talk her into going to aa meetings. Tell her that, when she's not drinking, she is the woman you fell in love with. You need to lay down some rules, it seems?

Communication is the key to a happy relationship!!!

I hope this helps, a little?

Dennis
 
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bogie91765 responded:

Why are you wasting your time with her??? There are pkenty of GOOD women out there, why settle??