Can Gerentophiliacs love their spouses?
Happyme2013 posted:
I hope someone can help. My husband loves to watch grannies and monster dicks pornography. He rejects me for sex, so i feel very sad and ignored. He says he loves me and he doesnt want to divorce. Can paraphiliacs feel love and attraction for a spouse who is not part of the philia? He is older 8 years than me. I look much younger of what i am, he jates the way i dress and how other men look at me, i dont look at other men, but he is very jellous of other man even he doesnt even give a look or compliment doesnt matter how nice i dress in a lingery at night. Why he says he loves me. He turns his eyes if am nude, and sometimes i've seen him making ugly faces when looking at me as if i were horrible unappealing to see, it hurts, how can he says he loves me? I dont know what to do. He was abused at 5 years old by a male teenager 13 years old. Any advice is appreciated. Thank you
Maiza234 responded:
I'm going to be completely frank about myself, I feel it would help... From my experience as a paraphiliac myself, I feel he can "love" you, but only romantically... "Can" because I don't know either of you... I'm in my early 20's. Male.

If I were to my imagine my perfect relationship, it would be one without sex. There would be cuddling and kissing, but no sex though. I almost loath nudity as well. Though, I am attracted to the private areas... In other words, I find bras and panties atttractive. Nudity disgusts me. People having sex bewilders me (I find it strange, like if you were to see a couple immensely enjoying getting scalp massages). (And if everyone but you enjoyed scalp massages). My libido is aimed mostly in my paraphilia.

I think about about sex as a mental construct that creates arousal. Or an idea. My (and possibly his) arousal comes from a less common kind of idea.
Maiza234 responded:
But to answer your question...

Hypothetically, let's say your husband is very similar to me... He would be emotionally in love with you, but his sexual arousal would be a different and separate entity (something I really identify with). Not associated with you.

If he loves to hug, kiss, snuggle then yes. If he doesn't, it still doesn't mean he doesn't love you. If you read forums by asexuals, they definitely have romantic attractions. And some asexuals prefer little physical contact.

Speculation: Is it possible that he became a gerentophiliac due to his traumatic experience? I feel my philia is something so deeply innate and ingrained in my personality that it somehow jumbled together with my "sexuality." Something I can never change. Is it possible that his trauma became a deep discomfort which turned into a preference for older women? Many people can be subconsciously intimidated by people close in age but elderly people definitely are more comfortable to be around. If you get what I'm trying to say.
Happyme2013 replied to Maiza234's response:
Thank you for your response. It is exactly how our relationship is. If I am out of the shower taking off the towel to put some lotion, he does these gestures of reject as he is looking at something very ugly, and that makes me very sad.
In first instance, I dont understand why he pursued a relationship with me, why he didnt look for someone he really enjoys. Now after 10 years, and being a witness of his flirts with old ladies and the porn he enjoys before me. Sex with me is an obligation, so lately I cant perform even arouse, it is hard for me to have an orgasm or even to have intimacy becase i feel so rejected. about myself I can say that i am beautiful and look very young. I appreciate your response. If you know of forums where I can learn more about testimony of people with philias. I am very compassionate to my husband because i understand how he might be suffering for years after the abuse. At the same time, i dont know if am willling to sacrifice my life, my own intimacy with a man who doesnt satisfy me.
Blessings for you, please let me know any forum or books i can read.