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I think I have a problem with delayed ejaculation
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An_250256 posted:
I haven't had any kind of romantic or sexual relationship in over five years. My girlfriend gave me oral sex (twice) for the first time tonight but I couldn't climax. She tried masturbation also. After about 20 or 30 minutes she gave up and I tried to masturbate myself. I still couldn't climax, so I figured at that point I was probably too frustrated and somehow psychologically prevented myself from climaxing. I am not currently taking any medication so that's not a possible cause.


I read an article here about ejaculation problems and I think my problem is delayed ejaculation. I have been masturbating for a long time. I pretty much always do it while watching porn. The article says "By adopting a masturbation technique that involves intense pressure, friction and speed, some men train themselves to respond to a level of stimulation no partner could duplicate..." I can definitely relate to this. When I masturbate I try to use as much friction and speed as possible.


The article suggests that I stop masturbating but I fear that because of how long I've been masturbating like this this process alone could take a long time to work. I've also read that thinking about sexual fantasies during sex, instead of worrying about taking too long, can help also.


Has anyone ever gone though this or helped anyone else go through this? if so how long did it take? How long might it take for me?


Also if anyone has any other advice or possible solutions I would really appreciate them.
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georgiagail responded:
Does in particularly matter how long is took someone else to go through this?

The idea is that you try this and see if things improve for you.

Gail
 
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stevesmw responded:
You have a good understanding of your problem and what you have read is good advice.

I had the opposite problem, premature ejaculation. What I needed to do was to retrain my response. The longer I delayed ejaculation the less sensitive my penis would get and the longer I could last. You need to train your penis to be more sensitive. I would recommend that you don't masturbate for a few days and then when you resume use a lot of lubricant, be slower and softer and take your time. I prefer to use sexual fantasies instead of porn when madturbating. When making love, I think about all the things I like about my partner's body and their response to being pleasured.

Since I have gotten older I'm not as hard and can't orgasm every time I masturbate. The lesson learned is just like you can tell when you are going to orgasm, you can also realize that you won't be able to orgasm. Continuing isn't going to improve things. Stop and try again later.

Movies show some passionate kissing and then simultaneous orgasms. This is isn't the real world. Making love is both partners pleasing each other but it doen't have to be at the same time. My sexual soulmate and I would have simultaneous oral sex. At one point my partner said if she could stop what she was doing so she could concentrate on her own orgasm. She enjoyed performing oral sex on me as long I wasn't performing it on her.

When your girlfriend tried ot give you an orgasm, was it after intercourse? You may have been at the point when you were able to orgasm. If this was the case, see if she can give you an orgasm before intercourse. Giving your partner pleasure makes you feel good, doing something nice for someone.
 
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Timmy_83 replied to stevesmw's response:
Thanks for the advice. The night she gave me oral sex we didn't have intercourse at all. We did engage in foreplay for about an hour before she started the oral sex. I don't think that had anything to do with my ability to climax tho.


Helpful Tips

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Try reading Becoming Orgasmic: A Sexual and Personal Growth Program for Women by Julia Heiman , Joseph Ph.D. LoPiccolo and David ... More
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