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how to pick a man that your equally yoked with..
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LUVishere posted:
I know this seems dumb, but seriously, you cant go out of a few dates and tell a guy that you like sex 3 times a day.. WTH? of course he will like you! dang. even if you date him for a year, how can you tell if he "really" likes sex 3 times a day. Why do so many people lie or put on, and then get married and the truth comes out? While dating, my husband liked sex almost everynight,, we got married and it lasted several years,, now here I am at 40, and he doesnt want sex but like twice a month. I can barely handle that. I masterbate everyday at lunch and almost every night. For the past few years, I would come onto him, dress nice, lingera, anything that it would take.. night after night, he says, NO, i'm tired.. well, heck I'm tired too, but I'm not dead... It has hurt my feelings so bad, that i refuse to talk to him about it anymore. I resnt him now. It has created a wedge with us. I have only had 3 sex partners in my life, but siurely there is a man that feels like me. you all that say that i should talk to him,, i have, til blue in the face,, he's like everyone else, he says he's going to do better, but NOPE, doesnt happen. Im cute, energetic, all men love me, even 20 year olds flirt and tell my husband how lucky he is, these young guys tell my friends how hot I am, and that i should do better. I care about my husband, but some of the passion is gone. If i ever divorce, how can i get a man that is really and truly equally high sex drive? seriously, no man would hardly tell you that they could do without sex, or that they like it once a month- come on now. any ideas?
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georgiagail responded:
I'm sure you could always pay someone to have sex with you three times a day.

Gail
 
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georgiagail replied to georgiagail's response:
Especially with your "hard toned body".
 
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stevesmw responded:
Taking your post at face value, you are probably not going to find anyone who wants sex 3 times a day every day.
Making love for a man takes some effort and with your schedule it would start to seem like work. I had a girlfriend who loved having sex with me. She loved sexual activity even though four or five orgasms week would be enough to scratch the itch. We would take a short trip and make love three times a day for a number of days. The first thing that would happen would she would say I'm good but go ahead and enjoy yourself. Eventually I would say I'm good too and we would take a day off.

The message your partner is getting is whatever he is doing is not good enough for you and that can be depressing. I don't know how long you have intercourse, but at three times a day, one or both of you should be sore. My wife wants to make love infrequently and wants it too last until she has orgasmed so many times that she is exhausted. This can take 1-2 hours. Only part of it intercourse and I can tell you my penis will get sore even with using a lot of lubricant.

If you want your partner more intererested in sex, try to please him without him having to think about pleasing you.
Offer him a quicky or perform oral sex. It might get him interested enough to reciprocate. You might reach a new balance in lovemaking which will be less than you want ,but a lot more than you are getting. Uneven sex drives are balanced out by masturbating.
 
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Anon_21189 responded:
I would say go hook up with one of those 20 y/o, and then every 3 mos trade him in for another.

Truth is you should look into some counseling for your marriage. You're sexually frustrated and that is a powerful feeling.

Also, believing that you can have a sexual relationship with someone that will be that active ALL THE TIME is not realistic.

You're frustrated - get some help
 
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dfromspencer responded:
You need some help! You feel willing to give up on your marriage, just for the sake of having MORE sex? Wow! You need to see a counsellor quick! This is life, you know? Some things happen in a marriage, but it doesn't have to mean ending that marriage. Get a grip!

You and your husband need to seek professional help, STAT!!!

Good luck!!!

Dennis
 
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LUVishere replied to dfromspencer's response:
NO, sex is not the only reason that I would move on,, there is much much more.. I would not have to have sex 3 times a day 24/7, 365, but I do want it a lot. everything turns me on. Yes, I love foreplay, I take care of him anytime he's willing to let me, i do any and everything sexually. I have laid off mentioning it the past year, and act llike it doesn't bother me, i have basically quit asking or initiating it with him, b/c of the rejection. I feel lponely, he never touches me, i think hes afraid i'll want sex,, truth is, he should know me better: a good heartfelt hug would be fantastic, cuddling in bed would be awesome, no sex is fine, but I know that i cant be the only one that wants sex almost daily... how would I know that i got a genuinely truthful guy that in his deepest desires liked sex as much: guess I'm just noe seeing how easily we can be fooled. Marrage is just hard!
 
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dfromspencer replied to LUVishere's response:
Marriage doesn't have to be hard, but its not always easy, either. No one ever said it would be sunny with roses every day. M<arriage is what you make of it. This is totally unfortunate, but most men start to lose their desire for sex around their forties. That doesn't mean it has to stop completely. YOU need to communicate your desires to your husband. And don't stop till he fully understands your possition, ok? Communication is the key to a happy, successful marriage!!!

Talk to your man, tell him that you are with him, and that if there is anything wrong, you will be behind him 100%. Then suggest he see his doctor. Tell him you are concerned for his sexual wellbeing. Then, ask him if he would concider a blood test, to see if maybe he has low-T? And maybe he could see an Urologist while hes there? He may have something wrong, and not even know it? So, seeing an Urologist will give the both of you some peace of mind. He may just need one of those little blue pills, you know?

I wish you all the best!!!

Dennis
 
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mybestfriend replied to dfromspencer's response:
did u use everything , why r u assuming other people life, the wrong way you are looking at the person.
 
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dfromspencer replied to mybestfriend's response:
Ok, first, I cannot understand what you are saying! Did I use everything? Meaning what? The little blue pill? Yes, I tried it, and it gave me a migraine, so I switched to Levitra, and it is amazing! I don't know what the second part is, at all? Did you think I was trying to be that person?? I just don't know what you wanted to say there? How do you think I am looking at this person in a wrong way?

Get a grip, then come back and talk to me, I am interested in why you think this way???
 
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gd9900 replied to stevesmw's response:
stevesmw - i agree with what you said. My ex made me feel like I wasn't enough. We went though a time when his drive was greater than mine and it was a terrible thing for us to go through. Many frustrating and tearful nights! I went to my OBG/YN and had blood work, and other tests done that could pertain to my low libido. Nothing came of that and I wasn't on any prescriptions or OTC meds that would have contributed. I also went to counseling and there weren't any issues there either - but my counselor did think I had a mild case of depression. I made a few suggestions such as cuddling, making out, and in general more affection. We tried this and couldn't get to the sex part soon enough for him (any affection in his mind was to lead to sex). He asked me to be with him when he masterbated. I did was and when I got the urge I joined in but when I didn't he still wanted more then I was able to give. I found I was more aroused in the mornings and suggested we get up earlier and get it on...sex makes him tired so that wasn't an option. Neither was getting a quickie in when he got home. I understood how our problem made him feel unloved, but I felt that way too. And for the few years this went on I felt it was all my fault. When my libido picked up, he had already left the marriage full of resentment toward me...but didn't actually tell me or leave for an additional 5 years after that.

LUVishere I'm not sure what the answer is for you. But I feel sad you are considering divorce over this. Passion fades in all marriages over time, and for most there is an ebb and tide along the way even if it has faded. I also think the suggestion to please him in a way the pressure is taken off him to reciprocate might help him turn things around to reciprocate more.


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