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Need advice... badly.
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PrimeZero0 posted:
So, let me start by saying, I love my girlfriend. She is the best person I have dated. She also satisfies me in most other ways except for sex. I have never cheated on anyone and I have been finding myself thinking about it because I don't feel attractive to my own girlfriend. We have sex about once a month now and even then I can't make it spontaneous or anything I basically have to ask (beg). We've only been dating 1.5 years and its too early for the passion to die off. I think part of the problem is that I moved across the country from the west coast to the east coast and I miss my friends and family terribly so I probably haven't been making her feel as special as I did when I was back home. One other thing about when we have sex is that sexual fluids disgusting and she literally almost pukes sometimes during ejaculation. Also she doesn't orgasm from sex (only masturbation with a vibrator) and I've never had that problem.
1 Replies |Watch This Discussion | Report This| Share this:Need advice... badly.So, let me start by saying, I love my girlfriend. She is the best person I have dated. She also satisfies me in most other ways except for sex. I have never cheated on anyone and I have been finding myself thinking about it because I don't feel attractive to my own girlfriend. We have sex about once a month now and even then I can't make it spontaneous or anything I basically have to ask (beg). We've only been dating 1.5 years and its too early for the passion to die off. I think part of the problem is that I moved across the country from the west coast to the east coast and I miss my friends and family terribly so I probably haven't been making her feel as special as I did when I was back home. One other thing about when we have sex is that sexual fluids disgusting and she literally almost pukes sometimes during ejaculation. Also she doesn't orgasm from sex (only masturbation with a vibrator) and I've never had that problem.
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stevesmw responded:
So the questions are:
1. Should I stay in the relationship?
2. Can I fix the the sex problem?

The answer to #2 is no. Getting someone who doesn't like sex and isn't interested to be a sexual person requires long term therapy and the willingness to change. Love deosn't solve the problem.

The answer to #1 is how important is it to you to have a satisfactory sex life. I have an extremely high sex drive. My wife to be had been sexually active for over 10 years had two children, been married and never had an orgasm. First time we made love she had multiple orgasms and sex to her was like a new toy. She was open with me about having been physically abused (not sexually abused) when she was growing up. I thought being gentle and loving would make things right. I was wrong. 7 or 8 years into the marriage our son was having behavioral problems and was seeing a therapist. My wife started seeing a therapist and led to recovered memories of early sexual abuse. This caused nightmares and PTSD. The only time we make love is when my wife initiates it and she generally spontaneously starts to orgasm before I've done anything. We make love for an hour or so until she is exhausted and then don't make love again for a month or a year. We've been married for over 30 years and have a loving relationship, but I'm terribly sexually frustrated. If I knew this is what I was signing up for, I wouldn't have got married.
Report This| Share this:Need advice... badly.So the questions are:<br />1. Should I stay in the relationship?<br />2. Can I fix the the sex problem?<br /> <br />The answer to #2 is no. Getting someone who doesn't like sex and isn't interested to be a sexual person requires long term therapy and the willingness to change. Love deosn't solve the problem. <br /> <br />The answer to #1 is how important is it to you to have a satisfactory sex life. I have an extremely high sex drive. My wife to be had been sexually active for over 10 years had two children, been married and never had an orgasm. First time we made love she had multiple orgasms and sex to her was like a new toy. She was open with me about having been physically abused (not sexually abused) when she was growing up. I thought being gentle and loving would make things right. I was wrong. 7 or 8 years into the marriage our son was having behavioral problems and was seeing a therapist. My wife started seeing a therapist and led to recovered memories of early sexual abuse. This caused nightmares and PTSD. The only time we make love is when my wife initiates it and she generally spontaneously starts to orgasm before I've done anything. We make love for an hour or so until she is exhausted and then don't make love again for a month or a year. We've been married for over 30 years and have a loving relationship, but I'm terribly sexually frustrated. If I knew this is what I was signing up for, I wouldn't have got married.
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