Skip to content
Help I have sex / intimacy phobia
avatar
plzhelp8502 posted:
Someone Please help....
I am at my wits end. I have grown to hate sex and intimacy.

About me:
• I am in my early 40's and I have been married for 15 years. My husband and I have 2 tween aged children.
• I am one of 5 girls (also have 2 bros)
• Raised to stay away from sex till marriage - religious household
• I have never been sexually molested
• My parents divorced when I was 7 and I was raised by my mom and I rarely saw my dad who barely even spoke english.(I only speak english)
• I suspect I have serious trust issues with men
• My husband has cheated on me in the past more than once, although I know he loves me.
• Although my husband is very patient for the most part and tries really hard to please me, he can get really frustrated and get really angry and yell and say mean things. Then he later will acts as though nothing happened
• I used to like sex but was never a girl that HAD to have it. I always preferred holding hands, a good conversation or cuddling.
• Over the last few years I not only started to hate sex more and more, but even being close, or touched by my husband. (mostly because I am afraid he will want sex if he touches me)
• Semen seriously grosses me out now. even more than it used to
• I have a few non-dangerous fibroids and sex was a little painful last time I had it.
• I have been really depressed since graduating from grad school and have had a lot of difficulty getting a good job.
• I have a hard time dealing with stress
• I just joined a health club to help with the depression.
• I went to a therapist a couple of times in the recent past but had to stop because it was too expensive and we have no insurance.
• I used to take meds for my adult ADD and depression but stopped when I graduated and lost health insurance
• I have been off meds for several months now
• I have virtually no friends at the moment
I love my husband and I like doing nonsexual things with him but I just hate being intimate in any way that could lead to sex or groping. Weird thing is we have always had good sex. He is the best lover I have ever had.

I am almost to the point of nausea whenever his penis is involved.
I have always felt like sex was too important to men and never understoodwhy it seemed like they wanted nothing to do with you unless they thought they had a shot at having sex with you.
I have even gotten to the point of begging my husband to find other girls to have sex with just so I wont have to.

The most confusing part is that I recently cheated on my husband with a man that helped me with my graduate school homework. We also both have the same political views and we talked about that alot at the time.
Eventhough my husband has put on some pounds, this guy doesn't even look half as good as my own husband.
My marriage was in a very bad place at the time and I was allowing my husband to cheat because I was so busy and never wanted to have sex. I didn't really want to have sex with this guy I think I just felt grateful for his help and escape from my VERY stressful life at the time.
I have no friends and since the cheating incident, I rarely leave the house so my husband doesn't think Im out doing anything wrong.

I realize I was vulnerable when the cheating happened but why did I do it if I hate sex so much? My phobia has increased even more since then. We have had sex once in the last 3 or 4 months (if that).

If I were to rank all the things in the world that I like to do, sex would be one of the very last.

By the way, I dont like being this way. Its not fair to my husband. If I could wave a wand and become a nymphomaniac I would. I honestly think our marriage would almost be perfect if it werent for that.
Help....anyone? My marriage cant take another day.
It truly feels like a phobia. I just cant bring myself to do it. I almost start to panic just thinking or talking about me doing anything sexual.
Reply
 
avatar
dfromspencer responded:
You deffinately have a problem, and one that cannot be helped here! You need to see a psychologist, now! You may have some physical things going on, but you certainly have some mental things going on! Call the local hospital, tell them of your insurence situation, and ask them for referalls to Psychologists in your area. Hopefully, one will work for free, or on a sliding scale? Seek help, and you shall find it!!!

I hope you do find help, you need it badly!!!

Good luck!!!

Dennis


Helpful Tips

sexually frustrated 2
fighting is healthy in a relationship as long as it's calm and there are boundaries set on both sides. there is bad fighting or as you ... More
Was this Helpful?
0 of 1 found this helpful

Related News

There was an error with this newsfeed

Related Drug Reviews

  • Drug Name User Reviews

Report Problems With Your Medications to the FDA

FDAYou are encouraged to report negative side effects of prescription drugs to the FDA. Visit the FDA MedWatch website or call 1-800-FDA-1088.

For more information, visit Dr. Becker-Phelps' website