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Sex Life Issue
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An_250725 posted:
Good Evening,

I'm seeking some feedback on issues with my wife and I (13 years this September) sex life. Basically she insists we have dry sex every week because she doesn't want to get pregnant again. We have 2 daughters 8 and 5 and the last one happened because the condom broke. If any sperm does get on her clothes or on her- she quickly changes her clothes or goes to the bathroom to wash it off saying it's gross. It does hurt my feelings some and tried to talk to her about it, but just don't understand what I'm missing. any help?
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stevesmw responded:
What is dry sex?

There are a lot of options for birth control.

It sounds like you are being accomodated on a regular basis, which doesn't sound exciting, but you are better off than many of us married men. In order or preference, love making, accomodation ( a distant second) and no sex (a distant third).
 
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An_250725 replied to stevesmw's response:
Appreciate the feeback

dry sex ~ at least some bottom articles of clothing remain on one or both sexual participants while they engage in the "motions" of sex (thrusting, etc) without actual penetration.

She was on the depo shot before we were married and that really screwed up her reproductive system for awhile into our marriage, and she is currently on birth control pill for medical purposes.

I understand that we are accomodating ourselves right now, but I'm tired of soiling the clothes all the time and using a condom under clothes just seems odd.
 
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fcl replied to An_250725's response:
Oh wow. She really does have a problem; doesn't she? The pill is extremely reliable when taken correctly (and when you are as paranoid as she appears to be then she is obviously taking it religiously). Her fears are totally excessive. Dry humping never got anyone pregnant.

Does she realize just how extreme her behaviour appears? Or does she think this is "normal"? If she is so afraid of getting pregnant would she consider having her tubes tied and/or you getting a vasectomy? Honestly, I think that there is a real need for therapy here ... and it's not for you.
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
 
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dfromspencer responded:
Wow, now I've heard everything!!! Your wife insists that you dry hump her every week? Your wife? It sounds as if she has lost her mind? Sorry, but as a wife, she must realize how much that hurts you? If she does not, she needs some therapy, bad!!! As man and wife, or however they say it these days, she needs to have real sex with you!!! Has she always felt that your sperm was nasty? Wow, seriously try and get her to a therapist, A.S.A.P.!!!

Good luck, Buddy! I wish you all the best!

Dennis
 
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maximus64436 replied to fcl's response:
"Dry humping never got anyone pregnant" ~ precisely the reason why she insists to keep the clothes on. I don't know if she thinks it's normal or not but just the safest way to prevent any pregnancy. It's been along time since we discussed any surgeries, will have to bring it up again.

Thanks for the ideas.
 
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maximus64436 replied to dfromspencer's response:
Everytime we get it on, she insists we keep our pants on during sex. From time to time I can get upset about it and demand "real sex" in the heat of the moment and then it just becomes percieved as me being to (aggressive, forceful, abusive) which I don't want it to appear. I'll have to see what she thinks about the therapy idea.

Thanks for the feedback.
 
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1957hank responded:
Have you thought of a vasectomy? I dont know if it would solve her "gross" opinion of semen but it may allow you to rogasm outside of your clothes. The thought of what you have to do is disturbing and counseling is needed, not an option. I am not a therapist but there is an issue in your marriage that needs to be resolved. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your wife. Seriously. Sex is supposed to have complete physical intimacy. You folks are short changing each other with this denial of pleasure.
 
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dfromspencer replied to maximus64436's response:
Hi, Maximus

I hope all is going well for the both of you? Have you had a chance to discuss this with your wife? I hope you have succeeded in getting her to go to counseling? I really do hope you guys can get back to having real, married type sex!!!

I wish you all the best!!!

Dennis
 
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An_250725 replied to dfromspencer's response:
Thanks for the follow up. We've discussed and researching our resources for help.

Best Regargds
 
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clipper1956 responded:
Good Lord! Marriage is so you can legally have sex and children are a big part of that, that is life. Your wife needs some therapy or needs a working birth control. That is ignorant and juvenile.It sounds to me like she is copping out on you as a wife! There are plenty of women that like sex in this world and would figure out what to do to prevent kids with something better than leaving clothes on????
 
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guysalsburg responded:
My wife of thirty years has been very frugal on sex since our second child was born 31 years ago. when we first got together in one place she was a sexual dynamal. Then there was two years in a row of pregnancy, leading a reduction in sex. She went on the pill and I began using condoms.

While stationed in Germany we took a tour to Paris. Despite the pill and a condom she became pregnant. At that point she refused sex. I got a vasectomy, but she decided sex would be a once every three months thing. I had open heart surgery followed by a stroke. Even though the doctors say I am healthy enough for sex she has refused for over eight years. I even had my vasectomy checked and the sperm count was zero. But she still refuses, blaming it on any thing she thinks of. I've suggested therapy, but she has excuses for not going.
 
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SportBike responded:
I see this as a potential danger sign of another issue. Disclaimer: I am not a licensed thereapist. However, there are simply too many other alternatives to avoiding pregnancy, inclduing either her...or YOU... taking care of this with minor surgery. The male process is a 30 minute in office minor procedure. Ask her if that is an option. That will tell you if she is fearful of your fluids or pregnancy.

HOWEVER, I would also question this. Is she in an indirect and passive way attempting to get YOU unsatisfied with the relationship... thereby placing the burden, and duty, to end it. In other words, if you know she is causing you emotional harm and pain, you must ask, "Why?" I am not saying this is the case, but it is a fair question to ask, particularly in therapy.
 
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melvabrady responded:
get new wife.
 
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softncharming responded:
I'm very sorry that you are going through this sexual problem, I can not give you any advice but I am single because I do not like sex anymore. I am very attractive 46 year old female and know that if I stayed in a relationship my man will go else where. because I can not fulfill the obligation. and I would not blame him but I also would not put anyone through a long time relationship and then decide I hate sex. I rather break up. or if I really want to be with my mate seek medical attention to see why I don't have any sexual desires like I use to.


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