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Coping with a Spouse with OCD
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greenpepper1 posted:
Dealing with a spouse with OCD has become increasingly difficult. We have been married 25 years, and until job stress and job move came into the picture things were great and OCD managable. Now, for the last two years, and specifically the last two, it has been unbearable as extreme anger has come into play, and not realizing it was from OCD and the anxiety and depression that comes with it. It is so hard as I love my spouse very much. A psychiatrist and counselor are now in picture and trying to find the right medicine, which is difficult especially when they really don't want meds, or not wanting to take the full dose.

The pain of the harsh words and actions and self isolation of my spouse has been so difficult but now knowing it is an illness helps, but much healing needs to take place but not until the right med/dose is in order. So I live my life not a part of my spouses as I and my family are the root of the anger. So hard as we my spouse treat others so nice, and share stories, and have discussions and go out with work people, but then comes home and does zero to take part and share what is going on in their life let alone care about what is going on in ours. That is the really hurtful part that it looks like the spouse cares more about others and work people more than the family. So sad, and so very difficult, and tired of the anger being directed at us and the rage at me, but that is the illness. Praying for the right meds and dose so the healing can begin.
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tryingtounderstand responded:
Wow, I can really relate to what you are expressing. My husband has OCD, PTSD and Depression (possibly Bi-polar as well); but all the symptoms are so similar I'm beginning to let go of the need for an exact diagnosis. My husband was disabled from his career two years ago and things have gotten much worse - a roller coaster of ups and downs. I recently reconnected with estranged family members who I'd cut off early in my relationship with my husband because I didn't know how to explain his behavior or know how to handle it myself, so I just dedicated myself to him fully to love him, be there for him and help in any way I could - not saying I'm an angel, I'm human, too and have made mistakes along the way...as you know its so complicated...it's too much to tell in one sitting.

But I'm wondering if your partner changes the thing they are OCD about. My husband has, in the last two years become OCD about sex and it has really stressed me out, tying to keep up, but also put up with some of his intense needs (and fantasies).

We've recently been communicating better, I'm finally in therapy and I hope that will help me cope a little better, because I do get overwhelmed sometimes. One of the hardest parts with this new obsession is that if I tell him I need a break he feels like we are never going to have sex again! And sincerely feels that way, to the point where he has contacted other women (at a brothel!) to set something up...I don't think he would ever do it, but it is a sign of how real the feelings are to him...it's very difficult...Has anyone experienced anything like this??

Anyway, thank you for letting me get some of this out, I really don't know what to do sometimes. On good days he is my best friend and lover; on bad days I have to remind myself why I am married to this man...
 
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greenpepper1 replied to tryingtounderstand's response:
Dear tryingtounderstand,

I can really relate to your frustrations. Yes, the OCD thing can change, although I have not seen the one you are talking about - ours is the opposite! There is hardly any sex. It is all really sad, especially when they don't see how it affects the ones they love. I am living through a "rage" stage right now, and he said to "leave him alone" and has not spoken to me for days. HIt is like the sight of me make him sick. It is so sad....I pray he comes around with the correct meds. He thinks he is totally fine. In sickness and in health - right? It is so hard....

I will keep you and others like us in my prayers.
Peace to you!
 
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bpcookie responded:
Hello, I am Bipolar and had/have OCD issues. Most were not sex related but some were. When someone has OCD they perform compulsive rituals because they inexplicably feel they have to, others act compulsively so as to mitigate the anxiety that stems from particular obsessive thoughts. I corrected most of my OCD issues by pure will alone. This is VERY difficult to do.

OCD is considered to be a mental disorder. Some treatments include:

Antidepressants can be used because some OCD symptoms are rooted to a lack of serotonin.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. A licensed cognitive behavioral therapist can help you do away with your obsessive thoughts by retraining how you think.

ECT or deep brain stimulation's that uses electrical signals to stimulate the brain. I would only use this method if the OCD is severe.

Repetitive transcranial magnetic stimulation. stimulates the cerebral cortex through the use of magnets to be either excited or inhibited as a brain therapy.

I know how it feels to be obsessed about sex. The obsession seemed to come on suddenly. I wanted it 3 times a day and if I didn't get it, I would get angry, accuse my partner of cheating or think he didn't find me attractive anymore. The obsession was very intense. We would get into arguments and it made my husbands life a living Hell. The obsession seemed to go away on its own. I don't know what started it or what ended it. I wish that I did so that I could help all of you to cope with your loved one who has OCD.

I don't know if this was of any help but I just wanted to let you know that I have been through this before and I know how the OCD sufferer feels and I know what damage it can do to both parties.





WebMD Health Ambassador-BpCookie
 
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dfromspencer responded:
Greenpepper1, and Tryingtounderstand.

I have never dealt with this myself, but I want you both to know that I sympathise with you!!!

Hopefully, they can get the meds sorted out, and you both live happily ever after!!!

Until then, know that you have support right here! If you feel the need to vent, or ask more questions, please come do so!!!

I wish you both all the best in life!!!!

Dennis
 
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greenpepper1 replied to dfromspencer's response:
Thank you. Getting meds sorted out is a nightmare. One medication worked great for a month, then severe side effects started. Had to wean, which was a horrible process, and then start on a low dose of new medication, and very slowly move up. It has been over 3 months, and still climbing to the medication level needed. As the spouse, it is really hard as I am the verbal punching bag, and he goes in and out of denial about disorder which is very frustrating as one has to be very careful with someone with a disorder as to not increase their anger. So difficult, and praying everyday, and praying for patience.

Thanks so much for support here!


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