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    Sex Drive
    An_251634 posted:
    I am a 26 years old. I have a two year old daughter and I am happily married (3 yrs) to a wonderful man. The problem I am having is my sex sex drive. It is virtually is non-existant. I don't know what is going on with me and I am starting to get worried. This has been going on for months and at first I thought it was lack of exercise after PCSing (military move) but I have been working out regularly for about a month now trying to finally lose the weight I put on with pregnancy two years ago and there has been no change in the libido. I do not even have a desire to masterbate.
    This is completely different from my normal desires. I LOVE sex and had a very healthy sex life even after my daughter was born. We have tried many different things to kick-start my sex drive but nothing is working. It has been this way for about 5 months now and it seems to just be getting worse. I miss the intimacy with my husband and even though he says its not bothering him, I don't see how it cant be. I do not want this to drive a rift between us. I feel like either the lack of sex or my constant worrying over the lack of sex is starting to take its toll.
    Thank you so much ahead of time for any advice or help you can provide.
    PS - I hope this was the appropriate place to post this question. I apologize if I have offended anyone. I know its strange to be posting something like this on here, but I don't feel comfortable talking about this with my PCP because me husband works in the same clinic.
    tmlmtlrl responded:
    This is the appropriate place to ask!

    Have you been on birth control? I know when I was on a certain kind it killed my libido and I immediately asked to be switched. Problem solved.

    This is not something you should be embarrassed to talk to your doctor about at all. If you can't talk to them about this what can you talk to them about?? You either need to get past that feeling or go to a different clinic.

    Good luck
    humphreyms replied to tmlmtlrl's response:
    Unfortunately, where we are stationed I have no choice in my clinic or my Dr. She has been assigned to me and when I asked to go off base Tricare declined. Military only sees military Drs in Alaska.
    I am not on Birth Control. I have actually never taken birth control regularly. I tried a low hormone pill once after the birth of my daughter but it still affected my mood and libido so I stopped. My husband has actually been talking about trying to conceive again which I want. I just would like to fix this problem before we head down that path again.
    tmlmtlrl replied to humphreyms's response:
    While I understand your hesitation to talk with the doctor, you're at a point where you have to decide how badly you want to fix this. You're an adult. Your doctor is an adult. They understand and want to help. They can only help if you let them.

    I'm trying to think of helpful ideas, but all of them end with me thinking of what it's like to have my libido be gone. It's one thing to not be in the mood, but not having your libido is quite another. Maybe someone else will have suggestions for you. Sorry I couldn't be more helpful.
    fcl replied to tmlmtlrl's response:
    I agree. There is no reason not to discuss this. There is nothing shameful about it. Just go and talk to her. Where's the problem? Just think how great it would be if it were easy to fix!

    How do you feel about sex when it does happen? Do you enjoy it once it's started? Or do you feel that it's a chore? Is the part that you want to fix only the anticipation of sex? What I'm trying to say is do you completely avoid having sex or do you do it and enjoy it once you get in the swing? The solution may be as simple as deciding to "just do it" a couple of times (or more) per week. Making the decision to have sex on whatever days you choose and just doing it. Perhaps the more you do it the more you'll want it?
    There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
    Mamihlapinatapai responded:
    I think you're doing the right thing being concerned about it and thinking about it, and even discussing it with your husband. In my opinion that is the responsible thing to do. There are some situations where actions similar to yours are not happening. So, you're going above and beyond the call of duty.
    The most elementary and valuable statement in science--the beginning of wisdom--is 'I do not know.'
    dfromspencer responded:
    You are an adult, your doctor is an adult, talk to her!!! Don't be shy, or embarrassed, they've heard it all, and have probably studied about it. It could be something involving your hormones? It could be the every day stress of military life? Try to relax, get your mind into a relaxed state, try to think of nothing, or concentrate on one thing only. Try a relaxation therapy daily, see if that helps with the stress?

    Oh, and your doctor cannot discuss anything about you with your hubby, it is against their code of ethics.

    I applaud your efforts to reduce your weight!!! That can only be of benefit to you!!!

    I hope you find what you are looking for, fast, a non sex life is almost like feeling dead. I know I've been there, and i'm a man. Had e.d. in my mid twenties.

    Good luck to you!!!


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