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An_251702 posted:
My boyfriend and I are 59. He says he's not as interested in sex as he once was. He says that's the way it is for men. When they're young that's all they think about, but it changes when they're older. He says it's the opposite for women. We have great sex when we do have sex, however he has difficulty getting and maintaining an erection. He's been tested for low T and that's not the problem. He also takes blood pressure medication. Am I expecting too much? Is it me? I'm crazy about him and have to "behave" myself around him. Lol. I don't know what to expect sexually from a 59 year old man. To me he's thinking/acting like an "old man." Please help me. I'm totally baffled.
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georgiagail responded:
Some blood pressure medications can affect a mans ability to achieve and maintain an erection. However, there are many blood pressure medications available to choose from.

This does not address the issue of your partner slowing down in terms of actual interest in sex. He's told you what his feelings are regarding this matter. It doesn't particularly matter that you think he's acting or thinking like an "old man". You need to respect what he is attempting to tell you or move on to someone else.

Gail
 
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An_251702 replied to georgiagail's response:
I don't want to move on to someone else. I respect him completely. I just don't understand. Is it "normal" for a 59 year old man to not have the interest in sex he once did? I've never been 59 before and I'm not a man. I just know how I feel about him. I love him. I find him extremely sexy and attractive and want to act on it once in awhile. I would think if you love someone and feel this way no matter what age you are you're going to act on it. Does the interest in sex wane over the lifespan? He says this is true for men but not women. This is what he's read and believes it. He also thinks his relationship with his ex-wife and his lack of female companionship for years has affected his interest in sex.
 
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stevesmw responded:
Men want to be successful in bed. Erection issues reduce the chance of being successful and will cause a reduction in interest. Blood pressure meds can cause erection issues.

I was good until 62. I'm 68 now and take blood pressure meds and not so good.

If you are ok with being pleased by him where an erection isn't as important, things should be good for both of you.
His self esteem will be improved knowing he can pleasure you. He might consider ed meds if he hasn't already and if they work they may help his attitiude toward sex.

I'll be interested in sex until I'm gone.
 
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4theBirds replied to stevesmw's response:
Thank you so much for your reply, Steve. I can understand what you're saying. I just couldn't understand what's going on. I've always thought men were interested in sex. It is hard to believe he isn't as interested and doesn't think about it like he did when he was younger -- he told me this. I told him I wish he would. He said that was pressure. We've had this conversation before. Does he not understand how I feel? I told him I loved him and I can't help the way I felt about him physically as well. He turns me on! What started it all was I told him I was thinking about him while he was in the shower. He said you're killing me. Where were you 30 years ago? I said I'm right here, now. Then the above portion of the conversation ensued. I'm being patient and understanding, but it's difficult at times. Maybe I just need to relax and take a cold shower. What more can I do? He says he loves me and that I'm the best and we have a good time together. Our lives together really are good. We just have this one issue between us. By the way, one particular ED med does help him more than the others.
 
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stevesmw replied to 4theBirds's response:
My wife and I have been together for almost 35 years.
I have always had a huge sex drive. Sex has been infrequent for a long time because of my wife's PTSD. One day not so long ago my wife mentioned how much she enjoyed my penis. My response was that had been available for over 30 years, so I can relate to your boyfriend's 30 year remark.
When men are interested, women not so much. When women become interested, men are fighting age.

Even with ED issues I would jump at the opportunity to make love to my wife. To me, giving pleasure is very satisfying.

I would hope that your boyfriend would come around to the same way of thinking. He shouldn't be thinking about missed opportunities. He should be thinking about making the best out of what is happening today. He should want to pleasure you.
 
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4theBirds replied to stevesmw's response:
My boyfriend's and my relationship is so good. I've never felt this comfortable before with a man in and out of bed. I feel very close to him and he's the partner I've been looking for all these years. He says he feels the same. I don't expect us to have sex every day. When it happens, it happens. That's fine with me because it is very good. He wants to pleasure me and does. And I do the same with him. I just don't understand why he doesn't think about me sexually like I think about him. I find him extremely alluring at times and want to act on it. Maybe I have a huge sex drive, too. He just doesn't seem to have the drive or the thought that drives the drive. I am overweight and have been from the beginning of our relationship. I'm wondering if it turns him off and he doesn't want to hurt me by telling me so. I know men are very visual.
 
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dfromspencer replied to 4theBirds's response:
No, no. If he married you, you are sexy to him. Even if he don't want to have sex. Men do, in fact, lose their sexual desire, starting around 40, so I've read, anyway. I've had E.D. since I was in my mid twenties. I still wanted to have sex. I have to use Levitra, but boy howdy, does it work!!!

If you can, sit him down somewhere besides the bedroom, and tell him how you feel about this. Tell him you understand he doesn't like sex anymore, but that you do, and you still need it. Then tell him that you need it from him, because you love him sooooo much. Let him know that, its ok if he doesn't feel like it, but could he at least see to your desires?

Ask him how to fix this situation, men are fixers by nature. This will put the ball in his court. He will have to try to fix this. I hope?

I wish you all the luck in the world!!!

Dennis
 
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stevesmw replied to dfromspencer's response:
Dennis,

The point I have unsuccessfully tried to make that a man's penis and his erection are very important to him and not having a good erection is viewed as a failure and depressing.

A man with ED issues needs to accept it and try to make the best of the situation. Lovemaking, particularly with a receptive partner is a wonderful thing no matter what a penis says.
 
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4theBirds replied to stevesmw's response:
You haven't responded unsuccessfully with me, Steve. I understand what you've said to me completely. What you said helped me alot. I wanted a man's opinion and didn't know where to turn. Then I found this site. Thank goodness. I just thought maybe it could have something to do with me too. Although he says it doesn't. I've told him I wish I looked better for him -- I'm about 40-50 lbs overweight -- he says it's ok he loves me. (He knew me when I was young and thin.) I just want to do what I can for our relationship. It's the best I've ever had and I don't want to screw up. I should probably be looking at the diet plans here on WebMD. Lol
 
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Anon_6023 responded:
As a 64 year old man, I can tell you what not to do:

My woman used to tell me my ED was "all in my head".
Talk about speeding down a dead end street!

She's figured out over time there is a definite physical reason.

I would be perfectly happy giving her pleasure in a variety of ways besides intercourse.

Naturally, she doesn't consider oral or vibrators as "normal".

So, when we are mentally in the mood, I take a "vitamin".
Have tried viagra, cialis and levitra. All work, but sometimes I get a back ache a couple of days after cialis.

My recommendation is to work on your weight. He's being kind and loving, but the majority of men prefer their woman to be proportionate.

And, the workouts will be a release of a different type.

Finally, the situation is unlikely to get better with continued pushing.

Good luck!
 
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lookingforhelp2013 replied to Anon_6023's response:
Hello Anon_6023

I was wondering if you might be able to give some advice or your opinon my boyfriend had ED and weve only been together 6 months. At first he was all over me and now it seems like hes just not interested. Does ED make men push away from whom they were so recently interested in. I should also mention that there is a 18 year age cap. Does that play a roll in it at all. I am just starting to feel real unattractive and no longer wanted
 
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lookingforhelp2013 replied to An_251702's response:
omg thanks for posting this.. I have been going through this same thing, but me and my boyfriend are 18 years apart and only been together for 6 months but he acts just like your describing and its driving me crazy cause I want to understand and try different things to help him, he doesn't even want to touch me anymore. When does get erect once we start its over with in mins and he doesn't even want to orally pleasure me after. im so lost and feel like there is nothing I can do
 
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Anon_6023 replied to lookingforhelp2013's response:
Likely no new information from me ...

I would be extremely flattered if a woman 18 years younger wanted to get naked with me. (I have a partner, so it's not happening.)

If not in a relationship, it would be interesting, to say the least.
Initially, I'd make a herculean effort to be the most romantic, virile man she'd ever met. But reality would come along.

When I was 49, I once made love with my partner five times in a 24 hour period. (Nothing but talc left the last time - lol.) Now, I'm lucky to feel the need once a week. Mentally, I'm about as horny as I've been since 29. But the bod just does not signal the urgency it used to. That last IS important. And can be depressing for guys who REALLY want to, but can't.

I AM getting testosterone shots monthly. In case you don't know, it is supposed to help maintain muscle mass and strength as well as putting some lead in the pencil.

Feeling "... unattractive and no longer wanted" has to be depressing.

While I doubt very much that's how he wants you to feel, nonetheless you do.

Recommendation: Break up. Do it nicely and honestly - which is to say 18 years is too big a gap.

Good luck!
Bob

P.S., I thought 4theBirds is also O.P. (An_251702). If not, then my comment about losing weight in previous post should be stricken.)
 
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4theBirds replied to Anon_6023's response:
Yes, 4theBirds and An_251702 are the same person.

Thank you for your recommendation. I'm thinking that not only will I feel better physically and mentally, but maybe I'll be more attractive to my partner.

I have not commented on or pushed the issue of ED for quite awhile.


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