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Is it time to move on?
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austin_girl88 posted:
I have been in a serious relationship for over 4 years, of course we have been through a lot but I am still in love with my boyfriend. I discovered recently that he has been actively messaging girls on a dating site. Of course this was heartbreaking and I all I wanted to do was scream at him and leave. After some serious thinking I decided to talk to him, I wanted to give him the chance to tell me truth without it turning into a fight. He was very emotional and admitted that he had been using the site because he has low self esteem and was seeking attention. This activity was going on when we were living apart for 4 months while I was finishing college. I told him that if he wanted to be with other people we should break up...he was so upset at the notion of me leaving. He says that he knows I am the one for him and that he still loves me but I cant help feeling that im losing my trust in him. Of course I don't want things to end but I wonder if it would be better to move on. He has always had problems with commitment and I feel like maybe he needs to date other women and work on his self esteem and I need to find a man that wants the same things I do. This is a very tough decision because not only is he my boyfriend but we were best friends before we began a romantic relationship and I still consider him my best friend.
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georgiagail responded:
Do you have a question?

Someone cheats (at least emotionally) because they have "low self esteem" and this justifies it? Sounds like he was just horny during the four months you two were apart and using this as an excuse. Geeze, it was just 4 months.

You two have been together in a "serious relationship" for over 4 years and he has "problems with commitment"? And you can't see the writing on the wall on this one?

Gail
 
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Rock_Knutne responded:
Sounds like a maturity problem.

It may not necessarily be a deal breaker depending on your age and ability/willingness to see it for what it is.

If you are really best friends with this guy you probably have some insight into his background, upbringing that may actually say more about him as a potential life partner than the aforementioned incident.

Explore those things while you keep some distance at least romantically for awhile... maybe a long while.

I'd be wary if it turns out it wasn't a maturity driven thing.

Good luck.


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