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Problems in the bedroom..... :(
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An_252353 posted:
So my boyfriend and I connect on every other level but in the bedroom. I guess I need some advice on how to not hurt his feelings when discussing his technique in bed. Also, he isn't as big as my other lovers, so I guess I am just spoiled. I need a more aggressively sexual person, while he is most certainly not. I have a very hard time even achieving an orgasm without using a vibrator or having him go down on me, for what seems like forever. I am getting so frustrated! I love him and don't want to hurt his feelings but I wanna have an orgasm too!!!

Also, I had a complete hysterectomy at 22 and think that when my babymaker went, so did my ability to be turned on like normal.... Please help! I need suggestions and advice. Is there a natural stimulant that could help increase my libido? Thanks!
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stevesmw responded:
I always thought of libido as interest in sex. You are saying that the problem is being sexually satisfied. Have you discussed this with your ob/gyn?

Next problem is going to be your boyfriend's difficulty getting it up since he is too small and challenged satisfying you.

Giving direction while making love is a good thing, but is it going to make a difference if you are having a difficult time responding.
 
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stevesmw responded:
I'm sorry if my previous post was too negative, but your relationship will be strained because of the situation.

I don't know what your boyfriend has done to satisfy you or if your difficulty is recent and only with your boyfriend.
Trying to be more positive about ways your boyfriend can satisfy you, I can suggest using your vibrator and having your boyfriend use as many fingers in your vagina as necessary to make up for size and kiss you passionately, suck on your nipples, caress your body and provide a lot of verbal stimulation. He should be willing to make the activity as pleasurable as possible for you and he can gain satisfaction from that. Men don't like to fail.

I've always had a high sex drive and like most men orgasmed easily. The only way I can be sure of having an orgasm now is with a vibrator. Struggling to have an orgasm can be extremely frustrating.
 
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lovelife2 replied to stevesmw's response:
I have discussed the issues with him and introduced toys into the mix, but he is looking at it like he is being replaced or something. He is a very sensitive man, but I love him to death. He doesn't get the fact that a vibrator and or oral sex is the only way to make me orgasm. Nobody has ever told him that what he does is boring or non-stimulating before and I feel bad being that person, but if I'm going to spend my life with him....hes gotta be able to please me, right? I guess I need help in telling him he needs a new technique. Any advice on that one?

I have talked to my OB/GYN and was put on hormone replacement but it gives me migraines. I dont know if there is something on the market that can help with arousal? If so....I'd like to buy the company lol
 
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goodguy82 replied to lovelife2's response:
In my past relationships I have been told, I am to aggerssive in bed. I did what I had to and toned it down but by doing so, I had to put a cap on who I really was. I really feel that relationships are about how much of a match two people are in more then one way. I found women after who love who I am in bed, if I were in your shoes I would talk about everything I want from him. Men even if they don't know it yet love to please their woman in all ways, you may just be that woman that can make him change in to what he never knew was there. But if he does not meet you half way you may want to get out, in the end your match will find you. My advice is for you two to work on the passion in and out of the bedroom date nights are a must and loads kissing and hugs.
 
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stevesmw replied to lovelife2's response:
He doesn't understand how luck he is. It's much better to be with someone who enjoys sex (even if it isn't easy) than someone who is indifferent. The more your partner wants sex, the greater the opportunity to have sex.

He needs to be trained. You need to tell him what you like and what you don't like. You need to give and he needs to take direction when you are making love. He should be interested in doing what pleases you not what he was use to doing.

I got trained by first lover and things were good for both of us. Over time the number of activities that pleased her increased.
 
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lovelife2 replied to goodguy82's response:
I guess I'm having such an issue because my last relationship was great sex! We connected sexually because we were both sexually aggressive and he played the role of submissive at the right time. This boyfriend seems to always be submissive. I guess I have to be the dominant one all the time in this relationship, which I have never been.... i guess it's a learning curve for me as well.

I really appreciate the input! Thank you!


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