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HELP PLEASE! Adivse on Friends with Benefits
An_252563 posted:
Hi All
Im in need of some honest opinions. I am very much inlove with a person I cannot have.. He is 17 years younger and in a relationship that has no sex and sleeps in seperate rooms at his parents.
We have decided to have a Friends with the Benefits relationship
We kiss for quite sometime, then sex and he kisses and cuddles me afterwards. We spend heaps of time talking and he gently kisses me as we leave.
We did see each other for a few months but I put an end to it. I told him I loved him and he recipricated the same thing.
We hadnt seen each other since February when I said it has to stop with many tears etc that had occurred between the two of us.
He decided back then that it was necessary that we just have some time apart until his feelings die down.
It was only a few months later that I sent him a message online to make a comment of something that he had made. Again we had a good chat and it went on for quite sometime. We dont talk to one another every day but when we have been together to see each other the past few times, I can see the look in his eyes and the way he is with me in the bed is quite sensual and meaningful. I really dont know if I am looking too much into it but if you want the FWB wouldnt it be just straight sex, no kissing and cuddling afterwards and when leaving he doesnt kiss you goodbye?
We are both doing the wrong but I have never felt love like I have with him. He has been in a relationship for several years but he quotes that they sleep in seperate rooms (I can confirm this) and they havent had sex for quite sometime.
Im in a marraige were Im almost begging for sex. His excuse is he is tired and needs to sleep to be fresh for work. It seems these days Im lucky if we have sex once a week or even once a month.
Could you please share your thoughts.
Could it be that this person I am feeling for has the same sorts of feelings for me?
He said ages ago that he does have feelings but not that strong as he makes sure that he doesnt want to be hurt.
I have also made it clear that my marraige is based on too many problems and in a few years I do want to go ahead with a divorce

Would love to hear some input
georgiagail responded:
Friends with Benefits situations often include kissing and cuddling. This isn't a prostitute type of relationship.

fcl responded:
I'm curious as to why, if you're so unhappy in your marriage, you want to wait a few years before divorcing?

It sounds as though your feelings go beyond FWB but his do not (I don't buy the "don't want to be hurt" line). I suspect he came along just at the right time because you were feeling uncared for and unloved.

Frankly, you need to talk with him and see if you can't both get to the root of why you are both stuck in situations that make you unhappy. Why is he still living with his parents? Why do they sleep in separate rooms? What does he get out of this relationship? Are they married?

You need to ask yourself whether you would like to save your marriage or not. If yes, then try to reconnect with your husband - it sounds as if you have a communication breakdown. If that doesn't work then make an appointment for counselling. If you don't want to try and save your marriage then it's time to consider divorce. Doesn't your husband deserve to have a wife that isn't cheating (and yes, you are most definitely cheating, at least emotionally) on him?

Also remember that the grass is always greener ... where you water it...
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.

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