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its the little things that count. ..
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An_252622 posted:
So DW and I ha e been married a little over 10 years. For a majority of those years I questioned some things. sex wasn't the best felt more like roommate at times but we both started working out and things have gotten better. Still far from what I would like but considering where we were its night and day. When times weren't great I did little things like leave posted notes hidden around the house for her and the kids to find while I traveled for work. Now that things are better one night we were sitting on the couch and I started t9 touch and play with her while kids were in other room she said she liked it and it was exciting. One day she came home from work and I told her to get undress and gav3 her a full body massage with baby oil and she feel asleep. It wws all good as I wasnt expecting anything in return. For me I don't ask for much just be a little fun in the bedroom. When we were dating she did all kind of stuff. I've recently asked her to wake me uo in a "special" way or and take care of me when im driving after a date night. She keeps giving me excuse on why it hasn't happened and 8 told her that I am tired of asking. In the morning I would always aso how she slept she woukd answer and I would wait for a few minutes and respond"i slept good in case you were wondering" she always said I never give her time to ask her first. Well 8 hq ent asked her since march 27 , and the closest she got was asking if I slept okay once. I think this lack of initiation translate to a lot of our relationship. Am I being to sensitive or asking too much?
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stevesmw responded:
Based on my marriage of over 30 years, reciprocity can't be expected. Doing nice things for your wife will improve things more than not doing them. Once you make your wishes known, all you can do is wait patiently. The more you talk about it, the less likely it is for it to happen.

When we were dating, my wife to be offered to do all kinds of things (nothing unusual), things I wouldn't even consider asking for. Those things were probably outside her comfort zone, but as in a typical relationship she tried to please.
When she felt comfortable in the relationship, her comfort zone limited what she would do. Getting upset about it only makes things worse.
 
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An_252622 replied to stevesmw's response:
Good point. Dont expect anything in return, it would just be nice for her to take care of me every once in awhile. I guess I see it as an emotional bank that she keep withdrawal from but making fee if any deposits. I dint bring anything up anymore because I'm tired of the excuses. Good advice thank you
 
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sluggo45692 replied to An_252622's response:
Steve is right about don't expect anything in return. All it will do is get you angry and cause problems in your relationship. Your doing things for the woman you love. That my friend is always a good thing. You've been married for 10 years and have kids. You should be able to talk about anything. Talk to her. Let her know what you want. DON'T hint. If she's not comfortable with it, find out why. It may be a simple thing as smell, taste, or to much hair. My current gf (as far as I know my last) wants to be clean before doing and receiving oral. Great by me, I love pampering women. She was even shocked (the first time) when I offered to get in the shower with her. I have a specfic desire that if she's not comfortable with, we don't do. I'm fine with that. Why, you ask. Because I do get it every once in a while. I always suggest, shower together. Wash the dirty away. It's always a good time to explore each other and find out what feels good to each other.

From your response to Steve, you make it seem like there is a payment for a good deed. The payment is her being with you. For no reason at all buy a bunch of flowers. My gf calls me the mark down king. She knows if I get her flowers, they may be marked down. but she loves the flower and they are from me. She knows I'm really thrifty, but so is she. Alway show her you care and talk to her. Never expect payment. It makes it much better when you do get something. Good luck and remember, Kiss your partner when and where you can.
 
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An_252622 replied to sluggo45692's response:
Anoth good point. Maybe I am expecting something in return as im not trying to but as I mentioned it's like an emotional bank. And part of my frustration has been we have talked about it but nothing ever happens. She says she would try and plenty of opportunities have been given but nothing. As I dint want to keep bringing it up I stopped asking. If I got it once a year on my birthday I would take it but not even then. After 10 yr I would hope we can do anything (within reason) not asking for wild stuff jist keep it exciting. Qs I mentioned things were a lot worse. I think most of that waanshe waant comfortable with herself and now that we have gotten into better shape things are better. (She works out more in one wk than we are together in one month) ive stop asking her to wear something sexy to bed and over the last yearshe has done that once. I waa actually surprised and happy to see it. Told her how great she looked would just like for it to happen more often but like I said I stopped asking. In 10 yrs we have taken a shower together less than 5 times ansd each one of those times it was me that suggested or got in and out of those 5 times maybe had sex 3 times. Im really not trying to be an a** just really frustrating.
 
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sluggo45692 replied to An_252622's response:
I don't think your an a**. I was in your shoes with the ex. Some things I tried. Just climb in the shower and wash her. Get your point across with as much attention as you can muster. Don't sit on the couch and complain. Don't just do it when you want some. Do it all the time. Open her car door. Always PDA,, show her your proud to be with her. Give her the little things you did when your dating. After 10 years, show her you still see the woman you dated and married. She's working out, then go with her. Making date nights are good, but always talk about good things. Don't make it a b***h session. If you have kids, I know time is tight, but make a few minutes a day to show her you still want and desire her. Don't take her for granted. I know I felt like crap when my ex took me for granted. She's my ex due to her finding someone else to sleep with while I was on 3rd shift. 17 years of marriage at the time, with a 2 year stint of no sex in there. I also stated a BJ cost me 5 years. She showed me what I thought was some good attention, but it died out real quick. I don't think your wife is cheating, but she isn't satisfied with herself. Help her be satisfied with herself. Good Luck


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