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sexually frustrated
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frustratedinthebay posted:
I been married for 6 years and I get about 2 pleasures a month. Before we got married I got whenever, however and wherever but now I feel like I'm being controlled with sex. She has every excuse you think of. I come to bed to late, I go to bed to early, my show is on and wait till it go off. I'm tired, head hurt, back hurt. But she wanna have it at that time of the month. So its like a game to her, if we cant have sex while I am on my period we aint having it when I am not on it. I talked to the pastor that married us and she said a lot of women wanna get married and they do what they need to do to get married and change. Went to counseling alone and he said the same thing. She walks around naked and play little games. I have tried everything I can think of. Only options are to cheat or leave. Please help with some suggestions
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stevesmw responded:
Some questions:

1. How is the rest of your relationship?
2. Do you sexually please her?
3. Any birth control issues?
4, Children?

"Walking around naked and playing games." Sounds like she has some resentment toward you.
There is no requirement for a wife to provide sexual gratification to her husband. Some might think that if a wife loves and cares about her husband she should try to meet his needs. This is also not true. Both partners are very conscious of pleasing each other early in the relationship. Later, not so much.

You can't talk about sex with her, that makes things worse.
You can talk about your relationship either one on one or counseling.

Cheating is cheating. If you are sexually frustrated, take the matter in hand and do what all men do.

If this relationship is broken and you can move on, find someone who really enjoys making love and gets great satisfaction making love with you.
Sex is an obligation when dating not when you are married. Choose carefully.
 
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frustratedinthebay replied to stevesmw's response:
Relationship has gotten worse. She is a control freak. Her sister and mother both apologized to me for not telling me how she really is. Her mom left her dad for the same controlling reason. Whenever we have sex she says she enjoy it but having sex while married is different. I have a daughter that I had custody of before I met her. You confused me by sex is not part of marriage per say. So bang my brains out while dating and cut it off after marriage. That's backwards don't ya think
 
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sluggo45692 responded:
Cheating is never an option.

I'm not in your shoes at this point, but I have been. Talk til your blue in the face, I have the same questions as Steve. I have a few more. Is it normal for you both to walk around naked? Did you have sex with her on her cycle before? You sound like a young couple. If you have had children, Is there a family history of Post Partum depression? Is there a history of mental illness? Are your schedules just packed solid that she has no time for you? It's good you have a woman pastor, so she may talk to your wife a little more that a counselor. The pastor would be closer to you than a stranger and your wife would know her. Some women feel more comfortable talking to a woman than a man.

If you have talked and talked, done counselor and counselor, and then done everything you can think of, IT's still up to you to stay or leave. Don't let yourself use excuses of not getting any be your reason to leave. There has to be more in a relationship than just sex. Believe me, if you get it 2 times a month, that's a lot for some couples.I went for 2 years not getting any with my ex-wife.What broke us up was her cheating. By the way, when was the last time you did something nice for her. I'm not saying it's your fault, but it always takes 2 to tango. Make sure it's not the cycle: well she didn't give me any because she's mad at me, so I won't do this, then she's mad at me and won't give me any.

Good Luck
 
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sluggo45692 replied to frustratedinthebay's response:
You typed your response while was typing mine. Take your control back. If you want the relationship to work, it has to be 50/50. Protect your child. If it's a toxic situation, get out. Don't be in it for the child. Remember a father is a sperm donor, but a dad loves and protects his children. Children alway change the rules. They don't need to see Dad and Mom fight. When there is tension in the air, kids can feel it. Get rid of the toxic stuff. Get counseling, get talking, or get walking. You have a child to protect. Good Luck
 
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frustratedinthebay replied to sluggo45692's response:
Never ever did the cycle thing but she has said I should start since we are married. I try and do nice things but she always complain or say something negative. Sister and mom said dad was the same way.
 
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sluggo45692 replied to frustratedinthebay's response:
The cycle thing, I know some guys do that, but NOT me. It sounds like another control item she's trying to make you do. I know about the negative comments. You get her flower and it's "what the F*** is that for?" Before long you feel like a failure and she complains you can't even get that right. TOXIC::: I worked some time 80 hours a week to get her what I thought she wanted. I got "oh I didn't want that" A good one is if you complain to her about her, then it's thrown back at you because your the reason she does it that way. Don't let mom and sister blame dad. Your wife is an adult. If she wants to treat you like crud, but she can take the reprocussions. Don't be in pain, because of some one else. You have to take care of you. Even if the problem is you partner. Good Luck
 
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frustratedinthebay replied to sluggo45692's response:
They don't blame the dad, they know what I am going thru. The way she treat me is the way her dad treated their mom. Hella mean and rude. She love attention, talking loud and causing scenes. Wanna have sex on the front porch, kiss and feel on each other in public. And call me scary, thats rude to me. To go from everyday all day to maybe 2 times and month. I can have a woman on the side for that
 
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stevesmw replied to frustratedinthebay's response:
Sex is a very important part of marriage. However, there is no obligation for the wife to sexually satisfy her husband.
 
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frustratedinthebay replied to stevesmw's response:
Guess that is why men cheat.
 
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Anon_475 replied to frustratedinthebay's response:
That is never an excuse to cheat. If you're not happy in your marriage then do the decent, adult thing and divorce her.

Do you ever talk to her about this? Or do you just listen to your MIL and SIL? Is it possible that she only wants to have sex during her period because she's afraid of getting pregnant? Did you ask her to go to counselling with you?

To be honest, you sound like you are actually looking for validation to cheat...
 
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frustratedinthebay replied to Anon_475's response:
Asked her several times to go. She said it is for weak people. Her mother and sister told me after we got married that she never been in a successful relationship and she is controlling. If anybody would know her it would be her mother and sister. Cant get pregnant if you don't have sex. I believe she wanted to prove to her family that she could get married. Im not looking for an excuse but if the shoe was on the other foot the first thing people say is"he must be gay" but a man is tripping when he cant get no sex from his wife.
 
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Anon_475 replied to frustratedinthebay's response:
So that tells you how little she cares for your marriage - she isn't willing to try to save it. Or perhaps she doesn't see anything wrong with it? Like PP above, I wonder what else is wrong in your marriage. Sex isn't everything and is not often the sole problem.

You really should stop discussing her with her family ... It might help you to stop worrying about what other people think of you. How well do you communicate with your wife?
 
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frustratedinthebay replied to Anon_475's response:
Sometimes its good to talk to family. Get a better understanding. Ive tried talking to her and all says is "im perfect and I don't make mistakes" we both work, buying a home, not in debt. If we were having sex issues before marriage I could understand but after marriage is whats not making sense. She tell me our sex life is boring. I am not having sex on our porch, I am not letting you bang me with a strap on, I am not gonna make out in front of people. One day she asked me to put her bra on. I honestly think now her sex thing is twisted so because I don't do what she say she plays thecoochie game
 
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An_252622 responded:
Part of me feels like I'm looking in the mirror. Now my wife never walked around naked (wish she would). With my wife nothing happens during her cycle and for years that was my time for oral pleasure but that too hardly happens. I tood her that it wqs her choice not mine for us to be together during thay time. If we are lucky we are together twice a month. my wife used to tell me I was oming the bed too late or her legs were hurting from the rain thag will be here tomorrow and at time would tell me I need to finish or her idea of foreplay or coming on to me was pulling me on top asking if "tonight was the night" although we are guys and if the wind hit us the righ way we c9uod get excited, but still would be nice to feel wwnted and compassion at times. My wife kept chaning the rules on why I wasn't getting any and this went on for a majority of our 10yrs of marriage. Things are better now not where I want them to be but better. Zig Zigler said that the reason so many people get a divorce is because the people that they dated aren't the people that got married. If you were doing things too hook your spouse, you should keep doing that as a minimum to keep everyone happy. I too felt like my wife did things to get me but now that she has me she doesn't have to put in the work. Good luck


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