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He won't have sex with me often, nor is it good!
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An_252682 posted:
So I've been dating this guy that I've know for a long time and it took me forever to get him to agree to dating me,I'd try my hardest to be the best girlfriend I could be to try and win him over, make him homemade dinners, but him his favorite beer, drive him because he's a nervous driver, hangout with him to meet all his friends, take an interest in his music, pay to go out of my way to meet him at shows. Everything. You name it. Well then I had to leave town for 4 months and I would only get to see him once a month for like a day and he became much, much closer and showed more desire to be with me. We had desired that we would be in a relationship right after I left. Now we've been together 7 months and our sex life doesn't exists . It's mabe once a week and I never get what I need. I'll do anything for him sexually and as soon as I ask for anything, even as simple as fingering I feel like he freaks out. He always talks down to me as well which bothers me, in front of his family, friends, people on the street, he says he's joking and I know he is but it starts to ware on you when you give so much effort and get nothing back . How can I get him to see what's going on and realize that I want to be with him and have sex more often ?
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stevesmw responded:
You are describing yourself as a wonderful girlfriend. The vast majority of available men would be glad to spend time with you. Why are you wasting your time on someone that doesn't appreciate you?
 
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Elle0317 responded:
I see you bending over backwards for this guy and he seems to be using it to his advantage. So you please him sexually but he refues to finger you or give you want you need? Time to move on. Dating is about finding the right one for you, not trying to change a man to be what you want him to be...it will never happen and you will be miserable. He's showing you his red flags, now pay attention to them! Why would you want to be with someone who puts you down in front of other people, and uses you for sex? Him continuing to 'joke' in a hurtful way after you've mentioned it to him, is another clear sign he has no respect for you!
 
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sluggo45692 responded:
Red flags all over your posting. You buy him beer, cook, and drive him around, then he talks down to you and won't please you in bed. There is no joking when some one talks down to you. You can't change or fix a person to what you want. You've been this relationship for 7 months and you sex life doesn't exist. I would think the relationship shouldn't exist. Sex is only part of the picture. Look at the whole picture and you might realize he's not going to change and you deserve better. Also sounds like when you left for 4 months, he realize what you did for him. Now he takes you for granted again. I only hope you realize that verbal abuse is still abuse. Don't stand for any type of abuse. I think all the other people who responded feel the same way. Good Luck
 
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fcl responded:
So you ran after this man until he gave in and agreed to date you... You have now become his personal maid and dogsbody. He treats you with contempt and won't even use you for sex. Why are you still with him? He's no prize.

Gather up any self esteem you might still have left and leave this toxic relationship. You've seen what he's like and you know that he won't change. What do you stand to gain from staying? The only person you can change is yourself. So ask yourself why you are willing to allow yourself to be treated with so little respect.

You've invested a mere 7 months in this situation. That's a mere drop in the ocean compared with the rest of your life. Chalk it up to experience and lessons learned and move on. Life doesn't have to be as miserable as this...
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.


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