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NOT GETTING SEX
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An_253162 posted:
I am a 49 year old male. Married for 22 years, 2 kids and a beautiful wife that lays in bed next to me that I can rarely touch. What a waste! My wife is 45, no health problems. I feel everything about her is sexy! But, sex is a chore for her most of the time. The only exception is we went away for a weekend, just the two of us. It was great! But when we came back home, back to almost no sex! I have no desire to look elsewhere. I love her. I know the most common advice is seek counseling, I did that once and she told me to masturbate more. WOW she went to school so she could tell me that. I told the counselor that I did not get married so that I could jack off more. My wife and I get along well with this exception, I have talked to her about it with no progress. She just tells me, "do you want me to do something I don't want to do." Of course my answer is no, I want it to be mutual. I feel like I am wasting my life. Just feel like selling the house and going our separate ways sometimes. She does not need me for monitory support, she makes more than me. I don't care about money. I am frustrated, and I feel I deserve more in life!
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fcl responded:
Well, given that things worked fine when you went away together (and I'm supposing that isn't the kind of thing you can do at the drop of a hat) why not try date nights? Set a night every week where you get a sitter and you go out on a date. Have fun. Stop being "just" parents. A little change can go a long way ...
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
 
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fcl responded:
Well, the first question that comes to mind is "who takes care of the housework and the kids?" No offence intended but a lot of guys think they do their fair share around the house when they are really doing only minor things and leaving the rest to their partners. Have a long hard think about this. If she's working full-time (as she appears to be) and coming home and starting another day's work when she arrives then it's not really surprising that her libido is gone. Fatigue is one of the biggest libido killers there is.

Secondly, given that things worked fine when you went away for a weekend, I'm betting that you don't spend much time alone together, right? So it's time to start planning for date nights. Get a sitter or send the kids to their grandparents and have a date night just the two of you. go out, have a meal, see a movie, walk in the park, just have fun. Spend an evening where you forget your parent roles and become just YOU again and do it often! A little change can go a long way...

If you want things to change in the bedroom, don't work on it just in the bedroom, work on it ALL the time.
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
 
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airius responded:
If you had a great time with just the two of you, then it may just be the fact of being home that is getting in the way. I know that is an issue and if you just "have fun" when you are away it can get expensive. There may be an issue with being at home that is getting in the way. Who does the most work at home? Is it shared resposibilities? Some women carry the burden of "keeping the house" as just their responsibility when it really should be shared. Some women just feel that their job at home is never done and that there is ALWAYS something to do. That can be very tiring and very depressing. That may be your issue. You may want to put forth more effort helping around the house and with the kids if you aren't already. just showing that you are both in this together can work wonders. Also, she may have to be reminded that Rome wasn't built in a day and that she needs to take time to relax and let go of the house at least once in a while. She's going to tire herself out trying to keep the house immaculate, especially with kids around. Try giving her a day off with chores and the kids and tell her to give you the list of what she usually does and then you do it. You may not be able to do it as well as she does but the attempt will be appreciated. You could also be trying to hard to have "sex" with her and not enough "romance". Women are more mental than us guys. Hope that this helps some.


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