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OCD - I need to vent
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An_253250 posted:
My husband has OCD/Bipolar II. He is simply awful to be around.

We have tried counseling, med's, marriage classes at our church.. Nothing seems to help. Now that he has finally acknowledged his mental illness he uses it to justify his horrendous behavior.

He obesses about my fidelity - who am I eating lunch with, are there any guys I am having intimate conversations with, do I love him, I wouldn't ever hurt him or cheat on him, would I? We have been married for 4 years - together for about 5.5.

He obsesses about the mess in the house - just complains about it - but instead of actually cleaning or organizing anything he just puts it in boxes so someone has to deal with it later.

He obsesses about money - we must always obsess about money because we never know what sort of emergencies are going to come up - and lectures me about even going to the grocery store, buying shampoo, etc. I earn twice his income and can afford every single bill in our household in one paycheck, but yet my spending must be micromanaged.

He is fixated on my daughter - she needs to be "gotten under control", although she is a 14 year old girl starting high school this year. If she leaves a piece of straw wrapper on the counter he is on her to throw it away, he follows her into the kitchen to make sure she isn't making a mess, he feels I should be taking her phone and checking it all the time and reading her messages (I don't agree), and he basically just spends all of his time looking for things to complain about with her.

I have gotten to the point where can barely stand his existence, but he refuses to separate. Even when he talks about it rationally, then the next day he is back to acting like we're going to live happily ever after. I am trying to find a way to get out of my house and go live someplace else - at least long enough to write out a separation agreement and get him out of my home. I guess that seems cowardly, but I do not see him ever just calmly leaving. Technically, since I co-signed on a refinance on my house with him a year ago, it is "our" house, from a legal perspective, but I have been paying for that home, on my own, since 2004. I just kindly agreed to put him on it. I want to go someplace else where my daughter and I can have peace. He has threatened, on a regular basis, to self-harm if I ever leave him, but I cannot stand to be around him, and I am hopeless that anything will ever help. I do not want my daughter to be around him if he is flipping out, and I believe that if I come right out and tell him he needs to go that he might try something crazy - and he does not have the common sense or self-control to filter his crazy from the children (he has a daughter, too, but she lives with her mom primarily and only spends weekends and blocks of time with us).

I'd welcome any advice. I just can't see any other way out of this.
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georgiagail responded:
Leave him before he steals your sanity (and the sanity of your daughter too).

Gail
 
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fcl responded:
Is he taking his meds regularly? If not, why not? If he is then ask yourself why you are still with him. Do you think it's OK to have your daughter live under a microscope, constantly being criticized?

His threats to self-harm are his problem. Do not be blackmailed into staying because you're scared of what he'll do to himself. He's a big boy and it's HIS decision.

Head for the nearest women's shelter and ask for advice and help. Do it yesterday...
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.


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