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Frustrated with sex and pregnant
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Summer824 posted:
I don't know if orgasm is more difficult to achieve now because I am pregnant (third tri) or because of other issues that I might be having. Its been about two months since i really achieved orgasm while actually having sex. Since then, the only way has been with vibrators by clitoral stimulation and actually it's best when he is not there. I have used these times to 'test' out if I am malfunctioning or something. What I have found is that yes, it's taking twice as long as it used to, but its not impossible.

I have some anxiety about pleasing my husband not just with sex but because he tends to be very critical at times especially when I make mistakes like forgetting my purse or not cleaning the kitchen or when i am an emotional wreck. He really wants me to reach orgasm every time we have sex. it seems thats always his intent and since i am determined not to fake it or lie, he always knows when I didn't cum and he gets disappointed and almost feels like less of a man when he can't 'give me orgasm/pleasure'. He would be happy if every night I was as horny as he was and always in the mood. I almost want to cum not for me as much but or him. On average we have sex about four times a week spontaneously, and 8/10 times he initiates. I've only got to see him on the weekends the past three months, so that's a pretty good amount I would say.

Basically, the last few times, he has stopped asking whether I reached orgasm or not and its been a pretty good experience but I just wish I could orgasm! I have looked into the g-spot squirting thing but feel totally incompetent or incapable. It sounds amazing but it's beyond us right now. Should I put this issue on the back burner and blame it on pregnancy for a while?

I feel like pent up feelings are being created on both sides. I think I am doing everything I can but can't quite get in the mood and in my head later i blame the lack of orgasm on him. I hate being left wanting. i feel like a failure afterward. I told him I need to feel emotionally close first before feeling super sexy and that I recognize that he feels the opposite- super sex first and then comes the emotional connection for him. But that doesn't make sense to him.

He has said a couple times that there is something wrong with me, I have a missing libido or he thinks its because of my family, who he doesn't like in the first place, and who he believes have conditioned me to think sex is bad, that I can't cum lately. I repeatedly have defended myself tearfully that I am a normal girl with normal girl sex drives, and normal girl needs. He admits that maybe he expects too much out of me because media portrays women as horny and super slutty. I just am not that girl.

Is is long but pretty much sums up all my problems here. I really want help. I want a good sex life!!!!!!! For me and for him.

Have considered getting a therapist, but its so dang hard to find a good one, I dragged him to marriage counseling and it was a disappointment, plus all our money is going to this baby. I need REAL answers. ( ps this was Not a planned pregnancy, yeah ...thought we'd wait a few years after getting married, but birth control lasted only 8 months, had an IUD)

Posting this with a prayer. Probably should be doing more of that anyway.
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fcl responded:
The only problem you have is your husband (and NOT your family). He needs to learn that sex is for pleasure not performance and that for many women, often, the journey is as much fun as reaching the destination. He's brow beating you into performing to stroke his ego...

Look when your pregnant, you're highly charged in hormones and your body does not always react the way it used to. By stressing you out about this your husband has given you the female equivalent of "performance anxiety". You're so stressed that you have difficulty reaching orgasm (by the way, many women report that, during pregnancy, although their libido may be through the roof, they have trouble orgasming - again, there's nothing wrong with you).

You need to both let go a bit. Enjoy sex for what it is. Not for what you think it should be. You'll find you'll be a lot happier

PS - marriage counselling is only ever effective if all participants are motivated to change things. If you had to drag your husband to it then he wasn't motivated ...
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
 
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Summer824 replied to fcl's response:
So what you're saying is sex doesn't have to include a super intense orgasm if both are simply enjoying the experience? And that's the purpose of it? Yeah. I really wish I didn't feel obligated to be a sex goddess every time and I do need to talk to him about it. Any good articles on convincing him that I am normal??i mean where do you find this info?

And wow, you said other women have had a high sex drive/libido while pregnant but trouble orgasming?? I just never saw how that could be possible but that describes me! In my second tri especially I felt way horny and would just wake him up in the middle of the night really wet and ready. Still do sometimes but I guess it's just been the orgasming that's more difficult, which yeah kind of is a downer. I totally see how I can enjoy the experience without reaching climax...it IS still fun...if only he believed it was possible for me to enjoy it regardless of orgasm and would quit attaching his ego to my performance like you said.

Thank you thank you thank you
 
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Summer824 replied to fcl's response:
Part of me has a hunch that he is a lucky guy because most men don't get such frequent sex. Anyone know of any articles that talk about that??..I want him to appreciate what he's got, just thinking if he sees some statistics, it will appeal to his extremely logical brain.
 
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georgiagail replied to Summer824's response:
Your husband sounds like a jackass by the way. As well as a control freak.

I too remember having a high sex drive in my second trimester of pregnancy. By the third trimester I simply felt large and cumbersome and certainly ready to deliver.

Gail
 
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sluggo45692 responded:
Man's point of view: Your husband is a jerk. When my ex-wife was pregnant with our son, we didn't even know she was pregnant until her 5th month. Irregular periods were normal. As for sex, she didn't want it and wasn't giving it up. When we did find out, I couldn't touch her because her boobs were sore or her feet hurt or any other excuse she could think of. I got sex about 5 time in those 4 months. He should appreciate you even wanting to have him touch you.
I can only give you one suggestion to help you orgasm. He has to really get in there and kiss it to make it better. I think do to the increase in size in that area, your vulva (lips) are covering you clitoris and you can't get the proper stimulation. Just a guess. Remember, I only seen that area on my (ex) wife a couple of times and I noticed the changes. She also really enjoyed it when I did this.
Also, he needs to doing anything he can on making your days carrying his and your child better. He needs to carry your purse sometimes or do something so your off you feet. Complaining at you never helps. Good Luck


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